Today I am going to share Chapter 8 of my book- “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”. Available -Amazon and Barnes and Noble
Question:
What must I do to discover who my child is and how can I support my child in discovering their destiny call?
We see in our child a part of ourselves and at the same time we recognize that this child is uniquely their own person. It is an amazing experience for a human being when they first realize that they are separate beings from their parents. The relationship between parent and child is different from any other relationship. You must honor and respect your child for who they are, and not for whom you imagine them to be. You cannot impose an identity on your children. You can pray that certain wonderful qualities are a reflection of their character, but we cannot make them someone they are not. If we try to manipulate the true essence of who they show up as, it will not only backfire on us, but it will cause you as a parent great pain and disappointment. You have no choice but to spend endless years interacting with them and observing them. “Great Spirit” calls us to discover the mystery of who our child is and what they have come to contribute. You see, you must prepare yourself for this “journey of discovery” from the moment the child moves inside of you and you as parent begin to communicate with them. There is divine design and purpose to their lives and you must respond to them with great anticipation, commitment, passion, and excitement.
In Early Childhood education we identify stages of development in terms of milestones. I like this terminology because I am a visual person, and I like visualizing my child’s development in terms of milestones. It conjures up beautiful images for me. I can reflect on many of Nikki’s milestones and a would smile creep across my face. I can remember what it felt like the first time I saw her roll over on the bed. I can remember the expression on her face when she discovered that she could intentionally roll over on her own. I can remember what it felt like to me when she discovered her toes, stood up on her own, crawled, walked, ran, or discovered that she could pick up an object hold it or let it drop intentionally. The expression on her face told me a lot about her temperament and her strong-willed personality.
I observed her ability from an early age to be social and to be responsive to not only the family, but to friends and acquaintances of the family. My husband was an associate pastor of a large church and Niki would go from one person in the church to the next and never seemed uncomfortable or insecure. This is her nature even today. Not every child is like this. My niece Robin was very particular about who handled her. She was very clear that she did not feel comfortable with people outside of her immediate family. She picked and chose who she would let hold her and you had to work hard and long to get into her inner circle of physical contact. Robin is even as a young adult very discerning about who she associates with. Some people might think she is shy, but she is really checking them out. Personalities start showing up as they begin to adapt to their environment. If you have the time and energy, I strongly suggest that you try journaling your child’s milestones and unique observations of things that they did or said. It is so wonderful to look back and reflect on these treasured accounts.
Our next responsibility in discovering and nurturing our child’s development is to afford them the opportunities that will explore their gifts and talents. I feel very strongly that one of the first elements that we should expose our children to is music. I played music and sang to Niki during my pregnancy and actually even right after delivering her I sang “our special little song” to her to welcome her into this earthly realm. I have always played a variety of music in the house and in the car.
When she was as young as two years old, we attended the USC music department’s Mommy and Me Movement and Rhythms class. She loved it and it was a wonderful way to have a quality experience with my child. I have taken her to concerts in concert halls as well as concerts in the park. Niki is very musically talented. I never demanded that she take music lessons or dance lessons, but I did feel that I had the responsibility to provide these experiences for her so that she could explore her possibilities. The other exposure that I felt was important for her was visiting different types of museums. The first 12 years of Niki’s life was spent in aquarium museums and art museums.
Children need to experiment with their physical, cognitive and artistic capacities, so that they will have personal experience from which to make choices. It was clear to me from my first observations of Niki, that she was a very physically active and agile child. I enrolled her in the David Rabb gym for children when she was about 3 years old. This was one of my best decisions. David has a background in both child development and physical fitness. I don’t think I have ever seen a program like his. This program set the stage for Nicole’s career as an athlete. She has tried and is quite accomplished in everything from tennis, swimming, surfing, snowboarding, skateboarding, golf, basketball, and soccer her first love. I have David Rabb and his wife to thank for their vision that children need a forum to not only develop their physical skills, but to develop good self-esteem and social skills. I strongly suggest that as a parent you make every effort to seek out opportunities to expose your children to experiences that will foster growth and development in all areas of their life.
Our children are destined for “Greatness” and we are the stewards of safeguarding their journey until they are ready to take complete charge of the helm of their own vessel. Let me describe what I mean by “greatness”. I’m using “greatness” in terms of children as it refers to the child’s destiny call. If you believe that each of us are born to be someone special in the world and to contribute the best of who we are, then we must answer our destiny call and work towards our “greatness”. You must believe in your children’s abilities. You must demonstrate to them that you are in their corner and that you value their gifts and journey. You must genuinely believe in their dreams. When they are young you must be their “dream catcher”. Listening to their conversations, engaging them in conversations, and as they get older and can write their thoughts and feelings, you must encourage them to journal.
I suggest that it is important to save their artwork and stories that they write in school as documentation not only of their growth and development, but for the sense of gratification they get when they think we value how they express themselves. They must have their self-esteem intact in order to survive and thrive through the experiences they will have in realizing their dreams and fulfilling their destiny to “greatness”. You will have to clear the path for them in their formative years to make sure that other people don’t destroy their self-esteem. Be mindful, that you are giving childcare providers, program directors, teachers, coaches, and other people that interact with your child, a powerful position. You have to make sure they are positive influences and that they do not do or say things that will destroy your child’s self-confidence.
Think back to when you were a child and would tell people what you were going to be when you grew up. Think about the dramatic play activities you engaged in pretending to be someone you admired. I believe that when we are little, we have an intuition about who we are and what we will do as adults. I believe we come here knowing ourselves and our “work” on earth. It seems as though when you become an adult there are moments when you can look back and see how things you did as a child have had an imprint on what you are doing as an adult. What did you think you would be doing as an adult? Are you working at a job, or are you answering your divine destiny call and are doing your “life’s work”? You do know that there is a difference between having a job, and doing your “life’s work”? A job is something you do and eventually retire from. Your “life’s work” is something you are called to do that encompasses who you are, what your gifts are and what you will contribute to the universe. It is not something you retire from; it is something that leaves your imprint on the enhancement of humanity. Many of us were not encouraged to follow our dreams and step out of the box of “security”. How did your parents respond when you told them that, “When I grow up, I’m going to be an astronaut?”
I can so vividly remember that even as a child I would gather the children in the neighborhood to our backyard to teach school. We had a large 4 car garage that my dad converted into a playroom for us and every day after school I would play school. During the summer I would get my neighbors and friends involved in creating a theater production. We would practice and practice until we thought we had it perfect. Then the family was designated as the audience, and we would perform. When I became a teenager, I taught piano to the neighborhood children. It seemed that my entire life has been taking care of children, advocating for children, teaching children, or training the teachers that will teach children. I really cannot imagine not doing work that did not involve children or youth in some way. I knew from a young age that I had a destiny call to work on the behalf of children. At different points in my professional and personal development there were moments of enlightenment that revealed to me the course I would take. I got it that I was given the responsibility to safeguard the quality of life for children on a global level.
| Chapter Eight Reflection |
| Exercise: Think back on your own childhood and try to re-create your fantasy of: Who you would be when you grew up? What you would be doing professionally? What the quality of your life would look like? |
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