Category: TINY TIPS 4 MOMS AND DADS

Chapter 11

The Eternal Relationship

Children are the greatest gift to humanity.

Today I am going to share an excerpt of Chapter 11 of my book- “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

This is just a taste of the chapter!

Remember

“This was the time of the eye of the quiet storm of young adulthood and teenage mania.  Everyone in the family must not only survive, but actually thrive!”!

In our household the constant that never changed that we could count on grounding us was-

“Our parents had such patience dealing with us as teenagers in full expression.  The one constant was that the rules and standards of our home never changed.  You just were expected to assume more responsibility for your actions.”

Chapter Eleven

The Eternal Relationship

I Realize

I realize our love for each other will last beyond this life time and the next and what we build with each other today will last forever. 

Quotes: Garrison Keillor once said: “Nothing you do for (your) children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.”   Hodding Carter once said: “There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots; the other, wings.” Kahil Gibran once said: “Your children are not your children.  They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.”

Question:

What are the elements of life that you can co-create as parent with your child that will last in your souls throughout eternity?

As the young people say “I am so dealing with this issue right now.”  I’m observing, from what seems to be the outside, my daughter’s life as a young woman, and searching for those key elements that have bonded us together all of her life.  I’m trying to figure out how I fit into the equation of her life and life style choices.  It is a position that all parents have to face at some point.  Believe me when I say that how we deal with our children whether they are nine or twenty- nine is colored by many factors.  I have created a simple list for you so that later you can identify where you fit into the scheme of things. Coming from a personal frame of reference, these are the factors that seem to affect and influenced the decisions and reactions to ever-evolving parenting skills:

• Gender
• Race/ ethnicity
• Culture/ unspoken codes/ voices of the Elders
• Religion/ Spiritual intuitive gifts
• Class
• Education
• Ethics
• Political Views
• How my parents raised me
• My own character and personality
• Societal Exposure
• My Destiny Call

          I warned you that this parenting journey was not simple.  There is a whole lot going on in our heads and hearts as we venture through the maze of “parenthood”.  I don’t even think we take the time to reflect on why we do and say the things we do and say.  So much of what happens in our relationship with our children and in the day-to-day operation of managing our family life and our professions have been done out of a “reactionary stance”, rather than a “thought through process”.  So many times as children come at us with “the stuff” in their life, and we have to think on our feet.  This means if we are not with it at the time, we probably will not get the results that we want and that they need from us.  I don’t care what anybody says, this parenting journey involves a lot of hit and miss and trial and error.  It is part of who we are in our so-called “human condition”.  You do not have to be perfect, and I am glad that “Great Spirit” does not require it of us.  “Great Spirit” does however require that we be the best parents that we can. 

It is the sincere effort that “Great Spirit” is looking for and that our children deserve from us.  I know that we are up to the challenge.

Looking back on my journey as a parent, I know that I have given it my all.  I have tried to be a constant in my child’s journey through life.  I know that I have made personal sacrifices, but I don’t have any regrets because her welfare was my first priority.  When her father was killed, I made a commitment that I would never let anyone come into my life that would be a distraction from my responsibilities as a parent.  I’m not saying that I think others should do this, but I am saying that when you become a parent you must make a commitment that you will not neglect your responsibilities of parenting your child.  I have seen so many children put to the side because the priorities of the parent was to make another man or woman their number one relationship.  Well, my attitude, I must confess, is that these relationships may come and go, but your relationship with your child goes beyond the veil.  Some people feel that your children grow up and leave you and if you have given them all of yourself, one day you will be left all alone. I know for some people this might feel like a form of abandonment.  Yes, our children do grow up and leave us, some sooner than others, but in many cultures and societies, this is not only expected but required. 

          I once again believe in balance.  I think if we let the adult partner know from the beginning how important our children are to us, and we observe their reactions to our parenting style, we will know if this is going to be a relationship that is good for everyone involved.  Mommy always said, “Start out the way you want to end up.”  Don’t you just love all these “Mommy always said truths” in this book? It makes a lot of sense and if we are honest with ourselves and we are truly about the interest of our children and the welfare of our families, we know intuitively if the other person in the relationship is good for us or not.  It requires for us to be “awake” and not “asleep” in our life.  So if in fact it is true that our relationship with our children is a sort of everlasting connection, how do we put this into the context of how we develop, nurture and preserve the elements of our relationship that carries us through the thick and the thin, through the good and the bad, through their childhood and adulthood, and through this life and the next? 

First, we have to identify what these elements are in our relationship with each other and then we have to figure out how we do it, and finally how we preserve these elements.

Question:

What are the elements in a parent –child relationship that will withstand the hands of time?

 Is it any more obvious that I can’t leave my teaching tools out of every aspect of my being?  Thanks for your patience in this process!!  Well, o.k. here is my list and of course you will have an opportunity to create your own.

Eternal elements of a Parent –Child Relationship are:

• Unconditional love
• Love that is unconditional
• Loving with no strings attached
• Loving in spite of
• Love that has no degrees of separation
• Love that is manifested in a sacred heart space
• Loving that will endure sacrifice
• Loving enough to give them life
• Loving enough to give your life
• Loving being a part of who they are
• Loving to be able to love them and knowing that they love you in return
• LOVE –just pure love

Question:

Can you see how these elements of the Parent-Child Relationship are critical in building a foundation that is eternal?

Skilaboð #30

“Sprenging og endalok siðmenningar – hvernig handahófskennd ofbeldisverk og glæpir gegn mannkyni geta eyðilagt sál mannkyns-

Ein þjóð í einu! 

Svaraðu kalli himins!

Að læra að stíga inn í arfleifð okkar

Jæja, til að vera fullkomlega heiðarlegur, þá var þetta ekki á dagskrá minni til að deila á bloggi í dag.  Þriðjudagar eru dagar mínir til að skrifa uppeldisbloggið mitt – “Tiny Tips for Moms and Dads”, en Great Spirit var ekki með það.  Ég vaknaði við brýnt að “hlusta og gera” og þegar hinn mikli andi og forfeðurnir koma saman og ákveða að þeir hafi eitthvað að segja, þá fylgist þú með og virðir beiðni þeirra.  Svo hér fer!  Þeir hafa af himnum ofan lýst því yfir að við sem mannkyn höfum gengið of langt.  Við höfum gert hluti sem við hefðum ekki átt að gera og látið það sem við hefðum átt að gera.  Þetta er eitt af þeim augnablikum í mannkynssögunni þegar “Mikill andi” hefur ákveðið að þruma í gegnum þögn afskiptaleysis okkar og vísvitandi hegðunar til að vera eyðileggjandi og ofbeldisfull hvert við annað sem leið til að drottna yfir og viðhalda þjóðarmorði.

 Illskan sem rennur um æðar þeirra hefur sýnt ólýsanlegt ofbeldi og hatur.  Það er ekkert pláss í sál þeirra – það sem eftir er af henni – til að innræta samúð, samkennd, kærleika, þátttöku, virðingu fyrir fjölbreytileika okkar eða siðferðisvitund.  Þetta er það sem er á umræðuborðinu meðal Guðs, englanna, leiðsögumanna okkar og forfeðra.  Þeir eru að ræða öll viðvörunarmerkin sem við völdum að hunsa.  Þeir harma siðferðishnignun okkar sem hófst jafnvel áður en hin sýnilega eyðilegging var framin.   Þeir eru dauðhræddir við það sem við höfum leyft að gerast hvað varðar afturför andlegs og siðferðis okkar.  Þeir eru að skoða hvaða framfarir við höfum náð í efnisheimi tilveru okkar í stað þess að vernda rof innri vitundar okkar. 

Þeir harma hvernig við höfum þróast í menningu ofbeldis og ónæmni.  Þeir trúa því ekki að við höfum gert hið óeðlilega eðlilegt og gleymt hinum helga sáttmála við lífið.  Þeim finnst að við höfum fórnað sakleysi og fegurð barna okkar fyrir gróða og arðrán.  Hvað varðar brotapunktinn með þeim er allur “glæpir gegn mannkyninu” sem þeir hafa séð innleidda frá siðmenningu til siðmenningar, aldrei nokkurn tíma fundið út að það er með “miklum anda” -SÍÐASTA HÁLMSTRÁIД! 

Við sem þjóð hér í Bandaríkjunum erum á þeim punkti sprengingar – Við höfum selt sál þessarar þjóðar frá því augnabliki sem sigurvegararnir stigu fæti á jörð hennar.  Ógróið áfall sögu okkar, fjöldaskotárásir, stríð, spilling, græðgi, kynþáttafordómar, pólitískt vald sem umbunar auðmönnum og sveltir fátæka, getur ekki lifað af ef því er ekki beint aftur og læknað. 

“Mikill andi” og hópur himneskra sálna senda frá sér ákall í dag sem gefur tækifæri til að “rísa úr ösku þessa ríkis alls sem ekki er heilagt, læknandi og fyrirgefandi, eða komast til skilnings á því að það sem við erum að upplifa er leiðin til sjálfseyðingar.  Forn menning sýndi okkur hvað gerist þegar þú leitar endurreisnar og sátta með helgisiðum, samfélagssannleika og “NÁД.  “Mikill andi” kallar okkur til að muna hver við erum og virkja mesta kraftinn sem við höfum – ELSKA!

FRAMHALD VERÐUR-

Well, to be perfectly honest, this was not on my agenda to share in a blog today.  Tuesdays are my days to write my parenting blog-‘Tiny Tips for Moms and Dads”, but Great Spirit was not having it.  I was awakened to an urgency to “listen and do”, and when great Spirit and the Ancestors get together and decide that they have something to say, you pay attention and honor their request.  So here goes!  They have from the heavens above declared that we as a humanity have gone too far.  We have done things we should not done and left undone the things we should have done.  This is one of those moments in human history when “Great Spirit” has decided to thunder through the silence of our indifference and willful behavior to be destructive and violent to one another as a means to dominate and perpetuate genocide.

 The evil that runs through their veins has manifested acts of unspeakable violence and hatred.  There is no room in their soul-what’s left of it- to infuse compassion, empathy, love, inclusion, respect for our diversity, or moral consciousness.  This is what is on the table of discussion amongst God, the angels, our guides, and ancestors.  They are discussing all the warning signs we chose to ignore.  They are lamenting over our moral decay that began even before the visible destruction that was perpetrated.   They are terrified about what we have allowed to happen in terms of the regression of our spirituality and ethics.  They are looking at what advancements we have made in the material world of our existence in in lieu of protecting the erosion of our inner consciousness. 

They are lamenting over how we have evolved to be a culture of violence and desensitization.  They cannot believe that we have normalized the abnormal and forgotten the sacred covenant with life.  They feel that we have sacrificed the innocence and beauty of our children for profit and exploitation.  In terms of the breaking point with them is the whole “Crimes Against Humanity” that they have seen implemented form civilization to civilization, never ever figuring out that it is with “Great Spirit” -THE LAST STRAW”! 

We as a nation here in the United States are at that point of implosion- We have sold the soul of this nation from the moment the conquerors stepped foot on its soil.  The unhealed trauma of our history, the mass shootings, war, corruption, greed, racism, a political power that rewards the wealthy and starves the poor, cannot survive if it is not re-directed and healed. 

“Great Spirit” and its band of heavenly souls are putting out a call today that affords the opportunity to “Rise from the ashes of this realm of all that is not holy, healing, and forgiving, or come to the understanding that what we are experiencing is the path to self-destruction.  Ancient cultures showed us what happens when you seek restoration and reconciliation through ritual, community truth-telling, and “GRACE”.  “Great Spirit” is calling us to remember who we are and to activate the greatest power we have-LOVE!

TO BE CONTINUED-

Bana ke mpho e kgolo go di gaisa tsotlhe tse batho ba di neilweng.

Gompieno ke tlile go abelana karolo ya kgaolo ya  lesome ya buka ya me – “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

Eno ke kgaogelo fela ya kgaolo e e latelang!

Kgaolo ya Lesome

Tshediso Sekao

Go Go Gadget With Leilani in Preschool

Ke bana ba le kae ba ba nang le bokgaitsadi ba bone mo tlelaseng ya bone ya sekolo?

Le fa go ntse jalo, ke sa ntse ke direla bomorwadiake le bomorwadiake dijo tse di botlhokwa>

“Go ruta bana e ne e le selo se ke se ratang thata e bile se sa ntse se le teng.  Ke solofela gore ke bontshitse morwadiake gore ga ke dire fela gore ke fitlhelele bokgoni jwa me jotlhe, mme gape ke tsibogetse “pitso ya me ya bokamoso”. Re tshwanetse go baya sekao mo baneng ba rona

Ke a lemoga

Ke a itse gore le nna ke na le boikarabelo jwa go nna sotlhe se nka se kgonang go nna sone, ka jalo o tla itse gore le wena o tla dira se se tshwanang.

Quotes: Bertrand Russell o kile a re: “Boitumelo jo bo kgotsofatsang tota bo tsamaisana le tiriso e e tletseng ya bokgoni jwa rona le go diragatsa lefatshe le re tshelang mo go lone.” Goethe A Go Go says: “Gongwe le gongwe kwa motho a ka yang teng, go sa kgathalesege gore motho o ka dira eng, o tla feleletsa a boela mo tseleng e tlholego e mo laetseng.” Mme Anne Frank says: “Batsadi ba ka ba naya kgakololo e e siameng fela kgotsa ba ba baya mo tseleng e e siameng, mme sebopego sa bofelo sa botho jwa motho se mo diatleng tsa bone.”

Potso:

Nka bontsha ngwana wa me jang gore ke ikutlwa ke tshwanelwa ke se se molemo mo botshelong, gore ke a ithata e bile ke a itlotla, gore ke kgona go bontsha ditshono tse di sa lekanyediwang mo botshelong jwa me, mme ka jalo ke solofela se se tshwanang mo go bone?

Karabo ya potso eno e ikaegile ka gore ke ka ntlha yang fa ke kwadile buka eno.  For years I have promised and been asked to write about what I’m passionate about “children”.  Nna le kgaitsadiake Patti re nnile le metlotlo e mentsi ka go laola matshelo a rona le go tsaya kgato mo tumelong go araba “pitso ya rona ya bokamoso”.  Mongwe le mongwe mo lelapeng la rona o ne a latela tsela ya batsadi ba rona ya go direla ba bangwe.  Re le bararo ba rona ba dira mo thutopatlisisong mme mongwe wa rona o dira mo bodireding jwa bosetšhaba le jwa boditšhabatšhaba.  Seno se akaretsa go leka go fetola matshelo a batho ba bangwe go netefatsa gore ba na le botshelo jo bo tletseng le jo bo nang le bokao.  Jaaka batsadi, rotlhe re ne ra tshwanelwa ke go dira se se ka lebegang e le go intsha setlhabelo, mme kwa bofelong, Mowa o Mogolo ka gale o lebega o dira tsela ya go diragatsa tsholofetso ya Gagwe mo go rona.  Mowa o mogolo o re roma fano go diragatsa maikaelelo a rona, mme ga re kitla re tswa mo lefelong leno go fitlhelela tiro ya rona e wediwa.  Ka jalo, re tshwanetse go tswelela pele mo matshelong a rona mme re nne le maikaelelo a go batla ditsela le ditšhono tsa go nna sotlhe se re ka se kgonang.  

Nna le kgaitsadiake Patti re ne re akanya gore bana ba rona ba emetse go bona gore re tlile go nna kgakala go le kana kang.  Ba ne ba re bona re atlegile mo maitekong a rona a tiro, mme ga ba ise ba re bone re tswa mo lebokoseng le go leka sengwe se se sa tlwaelegang ka lobaka lo loleele.  Re ne re na le dikgopolo tse di kgatlhang thata mme re ne ra leka go bontsha dingwe tsa tsone.  Ka tsela nngwe, re ikgobatsa ka go letla ditiro tsa rona gore di tseye maikarabelo.  Jaanong ke tlhaloganya gore seno ke seipato sa go tila go palelwa.  A go tlhoka tumelo go ne ga tswa mo go nna?  Nka dira jang gore ngwana wa me a nne le seabe mo botshelong jwa me le gore ga ke dumele?  Nka dira jang gore ngwana wa me a ikutlwe a le matlhagatlhaga fa ke sa leke dilo tse dintšhwa le tse di farologaneng? Patti a re re phuthologile thata, mme ga re batle go tsenya mo kotsing ka maikutlo a rona a a sa siamang.  Ke dumela gore re ka kgona go dira dilo tse di fetang bongwe ka nako.  Le fa go ntse jalo, go na le tekatekano.  O tshwanetse go baya maikaelelo a gago kwa pele.  O tshwanetse go leba tiro ya gago kgotsa “tiro” ya gago ka tsela e e siameng.  Ke segofadiwa, e seng ka gonne ke rata “tiro” ya me, mme ke a itse gore ke dira se “Mowa o Mogolo” o batlang gore ke se dire go ya ka “pitso ya me ya bokamoso”.  Gape ke a itse gore ke tshwanetse go dira go le gontsi go feta se ke se dirang.  Baebele ya re: “Go solofetswe go le gontsi mo go ba ba neilweng.”  Ga ke batle gore ngwana wa me e nne mongwe wa ba ba bidiwang “ba ba atlegileng”. Ke batla fela gore a nne se a neng a bopetswe go nna sone le go nna le seabe mo go se a bileditsweng go se dira mo lefatsheng.

Go lebega e kete fa re tshela mo lefelong le le boitshepo la maikaelelo, re tla ithuta dilo tse disha ka rona le ka dimpho tsa rona.  Re ka tlhopha go itlhokomolosa dimpho tseno, kgotsa re ka tlhopha go di dirisa.  Bana ba rona ba tlhoka gore re tlhome sekao sa go tlhaloganya dinako tseo tsa kgwetlho le go di fetola ditshono tsa go bontsha botlhale le botlhale jwa rona.  Re ne ra simolola go tsamaya ka dinao.  Re tshwanetse go bona se re ka se dirang ka natla le ka boikemisetso.  Ba tshwanetse go re thusa go tshela botshelo jwa rona ka matlhagatlhaga le ka matlhagatlhaga.  Seno ga se reye gore re tshela mo lefatsheng le le nang le maemo a a kwa godimo le a a kwa tlase, mme go raya gore re ka dirisa ditšhono tsa go igwetlha le go gaisana le rona go itshupa gore re “tshela” le go tshela botshelo ka botlalo!

Chapter Ten Reflection

Go ikatisa: Tlhalosa dilo mo botshelong jwa gago tse di ka go kgoreletsang go nna sengwe le sengwe se o ka kgonang go nna sone. Tlhalosa gore ke eng se o ka se dirang gore o se ka wa kgona go dira dilo tse di sa siamang tse di go kgoreletsang gore o se ka wa kgona go dira dilo tse di sa siamang.

Dilo Tse di Nkgoreletsang go Boela Kwa Morago:	Ditsela tsa go fokotsa boima jwa mmele tse di suleng:

E ne e le tatso fela!

Today I am going to share an excerpt of Chapter Ten of my book- “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

This is just a taste of the chapter!

Chapter Ten

“Living by Example”

Making play dough with Leilani in preschool

How many aunties get to have their niece in their preschool class?

And now I am still making playdough for my great niece and nephews>

“Teaching preschool was and still is my greatest passion.  I hope that I have proven to my daughter that I have worked to attain not only all of my potential, but that I have answered my “destiny call”. “It is important that we lead by example for our children

I Realize

I realize I have a responsibility to be all I can be so you will know I expect you to do the same.

Quotes: Bertrand Russell once said: “The happiness that is genuinely satisfying is accompanied by the fullest exercise of our faculties and the fullest realization of the world in which we live.” Goethe once said: “Wherever a man may happen to turn, whatever a man may undertake, he will always end up by returning to the path which nature has marked out for him.” Anne Frank once said: “Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.”

Question:

How do I demonstrate to my child that I feel that I am worthy of the best that life has to offer, that I love and respect myself, that I am capable of manifesting limitless possibilities in my life, and therefore expect the same for them?

Well, I guess the answer to this question is embedded in why I’m writing this book.  For years I have promised and been asked to write about what I’m passionate about “children”.  My sister Patti and I have had numerous conversations about taking charge of our lives and stepping out on faith to answer our “destiny call”.  Everyone in our family has followed in our parent’s path of being of service to others.  Three of us are in education and one of us works in national and international health care.  It all boils down to working on trying to transform the lives of others to ensure that they have access to a full and meaningful life.  As parents we have all had to make what might seem to be sacrifices, but in the final analysis, Great Spirit always seems to make a way to keep His/Her promise to us.  Great Spirit sends us here to fulfill our purpose, and we don’t leave this realm until our work is done.  So, we have to move forward in our lives and be intentional about seeking ways and opportunities to be all that we can.  

My sister Patti and I are under the impression that our children are waiting to see how far we are going to stretch ourselves.  They have seen us be successful in our professional endeavors, but they have not seen us step out of the box and try something unorthodox in a very long time.  We used to dream up the most fantastic ideas and we actually tried to manifest some of them.  Somehow, we distract ourselves by letting our jobs take over.  I now understand that this is really an excuse to avoid failure.  Oh, my goodness, did this lack of faith really come out of me?  How can I support my child’s dreams and destiny call if I don’t believe and actualize my own?  How can I expect my child to be confident and adventurous if I don’t try new and different things? Patti said that we are too comfortable, and we don’t want to take risk with our probably false sense of security.  I contend that we can do more than one thing at a time.  The key is once again balance.  You have to prioritize your intentions.  You have to put your job or “work” in perspective.  I’m blessed, not because I especially love my “work”, but I know that I am doing exactly what “Great Spirit” wants me to do in terms of my “destiny call”.  I also know that I’m called to be doing more than what I’m doing.  There is the biblical expression, “To those that much has been given, much is expected.”  I do not want my child to be one of those so-called “over achievers”. I just want her to be all of who she was designed to be and to contribute what she is called to do in the world.

It seems that if we are living in a sacred space of intention, we will discover new things about ourselves and our gifts.  We can choose to ignore those gifts, or we can choose to capitalize on them.  Our children need for us to set an example of grasping those moments of challenge and turning them into opportunities to express our genius and creativity.  We set the wheel in motion.  We raise the bar of what can be done with hard work and determination.  They need to witness us living our lives with enthusiasm and energy.  This doesn’t mean that we live in a fantasy world of all highs and no lows, but it does mean that we can seize the opportunities to challenge ourselves and compete with ourselves to prove to ourselves that we are “alive” and living life to its fullest!

Chapter Ten Reflection

Exercise: Describe the things in your life that might be holding you back from being all you have the potential of being. Describe what you can do to unload the dead weight of the things that are holding you back from your full potential.

Things that are holding me back:	Ways to unload dead weight:

Just a Taste!

Tiro ya me jaaka ngwana wa me mo lefatsheng

Spirit Guide”!

Kgaolo ya 2

Bana ke mpho e kgolo go di gaisa tsotlhe tse batho ba di neilweng.

Gompieno ke tlile go abelana karolo ya Kgaolo 2 ya buka ya me – “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

Eno ke kgaogelo fela ya kgaolo e e latelang!

Kgaolo ya Bobedi

Spirit Guide- A Parents Prayer-

“Botlhale le bontle jwa se o leng sone se bonesa dikgoro tsa botho jwa rona.  E kete ka metlha ke tla nna lesedi le le isang kwa kgorong ya pelo ya gago.”

Ke a lemoga

I understand this means I have the responsibility to be your lifetime earthly ‘Spirit Guide’.

Quote: 

Mme Anne Morris says:

“Selo se se gakgamatsang sa boineelo ke gore se golola thata – mo tirong, mo motshamekong le mo loratong.” (This is part of a quote from “The Way I See It #76”, Starbucks Coffee)

Kahil Gibran o kile a re:

“Ga se bana ba gago;  Ke bomorwa le bomorwadia botshelo jo bo tlhologeletsweng.”

Potso:

Ke eng se se dirisiwang ke lefoko ‘kaelo ya moya’?

      Ke tlhaloganya sentle gore jaaka batsadi re “baeteledipele ba mowa” mo baneng ba rona.  Lefoko ‘kaelo ya moya’ le kaya eng?  Fela jaaka bafilosofi le baitsesaense ba le bantsi pele ga me, ke lemoga gore kwa bofelong bana ba rona ga se ba rona, mme ke ba bone le lobopo lo ba tlileng go direlwa mo go lone le go bo direla.  Ga re kgone go tlhokomela bana ba rona.  Ga re ka ke ra gatelela se re akanyang gore ke semelo sa bone kgotsa bokamoso jwa bone.  Re simolola kamano eno le bone fa ba ntse ba le mo sebopelong.  Mo nakong eno, re simolola go tlhaloganya dingwe tsa semelo sa bone.  Go botlhokwa gore o buisane thata le bone. 

       Ke gakologelwa fa ke ne ke tshotse morwadiake mme ka simolola go tlhaloganya gore ke eng se a se ratang le se se sa mo itumediseng.  O ne a le matlhagatlhaga thata mo mmeleng, segolobogolo bosigo, mme ka nako e le nngwe go ne go lebega e kete o na le maatla a a sa feleng.  O ne a ikutlwa e kete o ne a le mo lefelong la go ikatisa mme a tlhoka go ikatisa.  She was always tumbling and turning summersaults.   I had to rub my tummy and sing gently to calm her down. Fa ke ne ke le moimana, ke ne ke ruta kindergarten mme Niki, ngwana wa me yo o mo popelong o ne a leka go nna le seabe mo ditirong tsotlhe.  O ne a tsibogela ditiro tsa bana le mantswe a bone.  Bana ba sekolo le bone ba ne ba rata go bua le ene.  Ke ne ke itse gore ngwana yono o tla nna matlhagatlhaga thata mo mmeleng, a na le botsalano jo bo tseneletseng, a akanya thata e bile a amana thata le tlholego. 

        Dingwaga di le 28 moragonyana, ke bone Niki e le motshameki wa maemo a a kwa godimo, motlhagisi yo mogolo, sebui sa phatlalatsa, mmoki, mokwadi wa sekirini, le moarabedi wa ntlha mo tirelong ya batho, mme o na le tlotlo e e tseneletseng ya kamano magareng ga “Moya o Mogolo” le bogolo jwa tlholego.  O tseneletse thata mo go ikopanyeng le ngwao ya gagwe mme o e tlotla ka go bina le meropa.  Tota le fa a ne a sa le monnye o ne a ya kwa morago ga ntlo ya rona mme fa bana ba bangwe ba ne ba tshameka ka dipopi, Niki o ne a epa dilo tsa bogologolo kgotsa a aga ditempele tse dinnye go tlotlomatsa “Moya o Mogolo” le losika lwa gagwe lwa Ba-Navajo.  Ke ne ke sa tlhaloganye se a neng a se dira, mme ke ne ke itse gore e ne e le maitemogelo a a tseneletseng a a neng a le botlhokwa le a a boitshepo mo go ene. 

Ke akanya gore re na le boikarabelo jwa go tlhokomela bana ba rona, go ba reetsa le go bua le bone, e seng go bua le bone.  Mokgwa wa tlhaeletsano o o amogelang le o o tlhalosang o re o tlhabololang le bana ba rona o tla dira pharologano yotlhe mo lefatsheng mo go se re nang le sone jaaka motheo wa go aga botsalano jo bo dirang le bana ba rona.  Lefatshe le tla tsenelela mme le leke go tsaya kgato ka bonako jo bo kgonegang.  Fa re batla go nna “baeteledipele ba mowa mo baneng ba rona, re tshwanetse go dira ka natla le ka boineelo jo bogolo go sireletsa bongwana jwa bone.”  Re ne ra nna le seabe se segolo mo bonyaneng jwa rona.  Bosha bo tla latela jaaka setsokotsane kgotsa setsokotsane.  Fa re ka itshokela botsalano jwa rona le bone, re tla falola  sefefo mme ba tla  fenya. 

Eno ke kgaolo e e botlhokwa thata mo bukeng eno mo e leng gore ke tla tshwanelwa ke go e abelana le lona go le gontsi mo isagweng.  Ke solofela gore o tla akanya ka go reka buka eno gore re kgone go nna le seabe mo dipuisanong mme gongwe jaaka setlhopha sa batsadi le batlhokomedi ba bana re ka kgona go thusana le go tlhokomela bana ba rona.

Chapter 2

Children are the greatest gift to humanity.

Today I am going to share an excerpt of Chapter 2 of my book- “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

This is just a taste of the chapter!

Chapter Two

Spirit Guide- A Parents Prayer-

“The genius and beauty of who you are lights the portals to our humanity.  May I always be a guiding light to the portal of your heart.”

I Realize

I realize this means I have the responsibility to be your lifetime earthly ‘Spirit Guide”.

Quote: 

Anne Morriss once said:

“The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating — in work, in play, and in love.” (This is part of a quote from “The Way I See It #76”, Starbucks Coffee)

Kahil Gibran once said:

“Your children are not your children.  They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.”

Question:

What do I mean by the terminology “Spirit Guide”?

      I have an intuitive understanding that as parents we are the “spirit guides “for our children.  What do I mean by the term ‘spirit guide”?  Well, just like many philosophers and theorists before me, I realize that ultimately our children do not belong to us, but to themselves and the universe that they have come to be served in and to serve.  We cannot take ownership of our children.  We cannot impose what we feel to be their identity or their destiny.  We begin this relationship with them while they reside in the womb.  It is at this time we begin to understand some of their nature.  It is important to be very communicative with them. 

       I can remember when I was carrying my daughter and began to understand what she liked and what didn’t sit well with her.  She was very physically active especially at night, but at the same time it seemed as though she had endless energy.  It always felt as though she thought she was in a gym and needed to exercise.  She was constantly tumbling and turning summersaults.   I had to rub my tummy and sing gently to calm her down. At the time I was pregnant, I was teaching kindergarten and Niki, my baby in the womb, tried to participate in all the activities.  She responded to the children’s actions and their voices.  The children in the class loved to talk to her as well.  I knew that this child would be very physically active, very social, very imaginative, and deeply spiritually connected to nature. 

        Well 28 years later, I have witnessed Niki as being an elite athlete, a great communicator, public speaker, poet, screen writer, and a first responder in service to humanity, and she carries a profound respect for the relationship between “Great Spirit” and the majesty of nature.  She is deeply rooted in identifying with her heritage and expresses homage to it through dancing and drumming.  Even as a young child she would go out into our backyard and while other children would be playing with dolls, Niki would be digging for artifacts or building little shrines to honor “Great Spirit” and her Navajo lineage.  I didn’t understand what she was doing, but I knew that this was a deeply personal experience that was important and sacred to her. 

I feel that we have a responsibility to watch our children, to listen to them, and to talk with them, not at them.  The receptive and expressive communication format that we develop with our children will make all the difference in the world in what we have as a foundation for building a functional, as opposed to dysfunctional, relationship with our children.  The world is going to step in and try to take over as quickly as possible.  If we are to be “spirit guides to and for our children, we must work diligently and with great commitment to preserve their childhood.  We make our greatest imprint during their childhood.  Adolescence will follow coming through like the tornado or hurricane that it is.  If we hold our ground and we are steadfast in our relationship with them, we will survive the storm, and they will come out victorious. 

This is such an important chapter in the book that I might have to share a little more of it with you in the future.  I hope you will consider purchasing the book so that we can engage in conversations and perhaps as a collective of parents and care givers for children we can support each other and the well-being of our children.

Tlotla le go tlotla ngwana wa gago

Bana ke mpho e kgolo go di gaisa tsotlhe tse batho ba di neilweng.

Gompieno ke tlile go abelana karolo ya Kgaolo 9 ya buka ya me – “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

Here ya go Kgaolo 9:

‘Tlotla le go Tlotla Ngwana wa Gago’

Ke a lemoga

Ke a itse gore o tlile fano o itse gore o mang le gore o tshwanetse go dira eng mme fa ke go tlotla le go go tlotla mme fa ke batla gore ba bangwe le bone ba dire jalo, o tla thunya go nna bontle jwa gago jo bo tletseng mme lefatshe leno le tla nna lefelo le le botoka ka ntlha ya gago.

Quotes: Jane Haddam A Go Go says: “Mo motlheng wa me, re ne re se na boitlhompho, re ne re sa itlotla, mme re ne re sa kgone go dira sepe se se fetang se re neng re se amogetse.” Mme Jane Nelson says: “Re tsere kae kgopolo e e botlhale ya gore fa re batla go dira gore bana ba dire botoka, re tshwanetse go dira gore ba ikutlwe botoka? Akanya lekgetlho la bofelo fa o ne o tshwarwa ka tsela e e sa siamang kgotsa o ne o tshwarwa ka tsela e e sa siamang. A o ne o ikutlwa o batla go dirisana sentle kgotsa go dira botoka?”

Potso:

Nka bontsha jang ngwana wa me gore ke a mo rata, ke tlotla le go tlotla ngwana wa me le gore ke batla gore a bontshe bontle jwa gagwe ka botlalo le dimpho tsa gagwe?

Jaanong re tsaya kgang eno kwa kgatong e e latelang.  Batsadi ba na le maikarabelo a go tlotla le go tlotla bana ba bone.  Gape re na le boikarabelo jwa go batla gore batho ba bangwe ba tlhaloganye gore rona jaaka motsadi wa ngwana le “bakaedi ba mowa” re lebeletse gore ba bontshe bana ba rona mme ka ntlha eo bana botlhe, tlotlo le tlotlo.  Le fa go ntse jalo, ke na le bothata jwa gore bagolo ba akanya gore bana ba tshwanetse go ba tlotla fela ka gonne ba setse ba godile.  Ke dumela gore bagolo ba tshwanetse go itshwara ka tsela e e dirang gore bana ba bone ba tlotlwe le go ba tlotla.  Le fa go ntse jalo, go na le batho ba ba sa tlhaloganyeng tsela e o dirisanang le bana ba gago ka yone ka gonne o dira gore ba kgone go tlhalosa ka boikanyegi se ba se akanyang le se ba ikutlwang ka sone.  Le fa go ntse jalo, go na le batho ba ba sa tlhaloganyeng gore ke ka ntlha yang fa o bua le ngwana wa gago thata jaana.  O tshwanetse go bolelela ngwana wa gago gore ke ka ntlha yang fa o dira se o se dirang kgotsa se o se buang.  Batho bangwe ba akanya gore o tshwanetse go bolelela bana ba gago gore ba dire sengwe kgotsa ba se ka ba dira sengwe fela ka gonne o ba boleletse.  Fa re batla go ruta bana ba rona go dira ditshwetso tse di siameng mo botshelong jwa bone, re tshwanetse go simolola ka go dirisa maemo a rona a kotlhao le ditaelo jaaka ditshono tsa go tlhalosa ditiro tsa rona.  I even invite discussion in these situations. 

Rona jaaka batsadi ga re a tshwanela go nna le seabe mo loratong le lorato lwa bana ba bone.  Gantsi o tla lemoga gore fa o dirisana le motsadi yo o sotliwang, le ene o a sotliwa.  Ke dumela gore boitshwaro jono bo rutwa ke tikologo le maitemogelo.  Ke dumela gore batsadi ba ba nang le boitshwaro jo bo sa siamang ba ka kgona go rarabolola dilo tse di bakang boitshwaro jono le go batla ditsela tse di siameng tsa go dirisana le bana ba bone.  Go tlhokega tsereganyo e ntsi e e siameng le maikaelelo a mmatota mo letlhakoreng la motsadi yo o sa siamang ka tirisanommogo le lelapa go fola. Lorato le tlhokomelo ya ngwana di ka thusa ngwana gore a tlhaloganye dilo ka botlalo.  Ga re batle go ba kgoreletsa le go ba kgoreletsa go fitlhelela bokgoni jwa bone ka botlalo.  Ke ikutlwa ke itumetse thata fa ke bona ngwana a bulega a bo a gola fa pele ga matlho a me.  Go a itumedisa go bona lesedi le le phatsimang mo tlhogong ya bone.  Ke seemo sa mmatota sa ‘ah’. Eno ke nako ya go sedimosetsa. Go Go Epiphany!  Go thata go e boeletsa kgotsa go e boeletsa.  Ke nngwe ya dinako tse go e bona le go e anaanela ka botlalo o ne o tla tshwanelwa ke go “nna teng”.  Letsatsi le letsatsi go na le sengwe se sesha se se diragalang mo botshelong jwa gagwe.  Ga se wena fela yo o gakgamatsang se o se lemogang ka ene, mme o a gakgamala.  Ba ikutlwa ba le motlotlo le go atlega fa ba dira sengwe se sesha.  E dira gore ke kgone go hema.

Exercises: Batsadi ba gago ba ne ba go thusa jang gore o nne le dimpho le mekgele ya gago?  O dira seo jang ka bana ba gago?

Batsadi ba me ba ne ba tsibogela jang dimpho tsa me le maikaelelo a me mo botshelong:

Ke tla tshegetsa dimpho le maikaelelo a ngwana wa me mo botshelong ka go:

Today I am going to share an excerpt of Chapter 9 of my book- “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

This is just a taste of the chapter 9:

“Honoring and Respecting Your Child”

I Realize

I realize you came here knowing who you are and what you must do and if I honor and respect you and if I demand that others do the same, you will blossom into your full expression of beauty, and this world will be a better place because of you.

Quotes: Jane Haddam once said: “In my day, we didn’t have self-esteem, we had self-respect, and no more of it than we had earned.” Jane Nelson once said: “Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?”

Question:

How do I demonstrate to my child and to the world that I love, honor and respect my child and that I want my child to be “in full expression of their beauty and gifts?

Now we are taking this discussion to the next level.  We have a responsibility as parents to honor and respect our children.  We also have the responsibility of demanding that other people understand that we as the child’s parent and “Spirit Guides” expect them to show our children and for that matter all children, honor and respect.  I have a real problem with adults that feel that just because they are adults, children must automatically show them respect.  I feel that adults must conduct themselves in ways in which they earn a child’s admiration and respect.  There will be people that will not understand your way of dealing with children because you are promoting their ability to express honestly what they are thinking and feeling.  There will be people that will not understand why you engage your child in so much conversation about everything.  You will be criticized for explaining to your child why you are doing what you’re doing or saying what you’re saying.  Some people feel that you should tell children to do something or not do something just because you tell them to.  If we are to teach children how to make appropriate decisions and choices in their life, then we must begin by using our discipline situations and instructions as opportunities to explain our actions.  I even invite discussion in these situations. 

We as parents have no right to take advantage of a child’s unconditional love and attachment.  Usually, you will find that if you are dealing with an abusive parent, they have in return been abused as well.  I believe this behavior is learned by environment and experiences.  I believe that parents that have this dysfunctional behavior can, if they are committed, deal with the causes of the behavior and find healthy ways to relate to their children.  It takes a lot of good intervention and a lot of real intention on the part of the dysfunctional parent in partnership with the family to heal. Love and supportive attention can help a child come into full expression.  We don’t want to cripple them and prevent them from realizing their full potential.  I get so excited when I see a child open up and evolve right before my very eyes.  It is just a magnificent experience to see the light bulb turn on in their head.  It is a real “ah ha” situation. It is a moment of enlightenment. It is an epiphany!  It is difficult to rewind it or retell it.  It is one of the times that to witness it and fully appreciate it you would have had to “be there”.  Everyday something new happens in their development.  You are not the only one that gets amazed at what they discover about themselves, they even amaze themselves.  There is such a sense of pride and accomplishment when they make a new discovery.  It takes my breath away.

Exercises: How did your parents encourage the development of your gifts and goals?  How would you do this for your own children?

How my parents responded to my gifts and goals in life:

I will support my child’s gifts and goals in life by:

Kgolagano ya Motsadi le Ngwana e e Sa Khutleng!

Bana ke mpho e kgolo go di gaisa tsotlhe tse batho ba di neilweng.

Gompieno ke tlile go abelana karolo ya Kgaolo 3 ya buka ya me – “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

Kgaolo  ya 3: “Kgolagano ya Batsadi le Bana”

“Mmè o ne a na le diatla tse di tletseng ka metlha, mme o ne a bona mongwe le mongwe wa rona e le masego a gagwe. O ne a ikemiseditse go nna motsadi yo o lorato le yo o tlhokomelang. Mmè e tla nna karolo e e botlhokwa ya matshelo a rona.”

Kgaolo ya Boraro

Kgolagano ya motsadi le ngwana

Ke a lemoga

Ke a itse gore ke mpho e ke e neilweng ka maikaelelo a magolo, mme nna le wena re na le botsalano jo bo siameng.

Quotes:

Mme Alexia Haley says:

“Ka tsela nngwe le nngwe e e ka akanngwang, lelapa le amana le nako e e fetileng ya rona, borokgo jwa bokamoso jwa rona.”

August Napier o kile a re:

“Mo lelapeng lengwe le lengwe kgang e a tshameka, mme kgang ya lelapa lengwe le lengwe e na le tsholofelo le tsholofelo ya yone.”

Ke rata temana eno ya poko.  Ke akanya gore ke kakanyo e le nngwe fela e e dirang gore nna le morwaake re nne le kamano e e sa khutleng.  Ke dumela gore sengwe le sengwe se re se bonang mo botshelong ga se sa itiragalela fela, mme se tlhamilwe ke Modimo. Bana ba rona ba ne ba itlhophela  Ke dumela gore “Moya o Mogolo” o re segofatsa ka tshono ya go abelana ka ditsela tse re neng re sa lora gore re ka kgona go di dira.  Ka tsela nngwe, go nna motsadi go lebega go dira gore re nne le bokgoni jo bosha le jo bo kgethegileng mo go rona. Re ka kgona go nna pelotelele le go itshokela dilo tse re neng re ka se kgone go di dira pele re nna batsadi. 

Potso:

Nka tlhomamisa jang gore ke na le kamano e e molemo le ngwana wa me?

 Go tloga ka 0 go ya go dingwaga di le 8 e ka tswa e le nngwe ya dinako tse di botlhokwa mo go rona jaaka motsadi le ngwana go tlhoma motheo wa kamano ya rona.  Eno ke nako ya go itshoka.  Ke nako ya gore re nne le tshono ya go bontsha bana ba rona gore re bomang mo matshelong a bone le gore re ikanyega go le kana kang.  Ke nako ya gore bana ba nne le tshono ya go bona gore batsadi ba bone ba tla tsibogela jang letsatsi le letsatsi le mo maemong a a farologaneng.  Seno ke nako e mo go yone dielemente tsa botlhokwa tsa kamano di tlhomiwang jaaka go tshepana le go sa tshepane.

          Eno ke nako mo botshelong jwa ngwana e mo go yone a lemogang gore go ikutlwa jang go ratiwa, go tlotliwa le go tlotliwa mme le fa a sa itse gore mafoko ano a kaya eng, o ithuta go bontsha batsadi ba gagwe le bagolo ba bangwe dinonofo tseno tse di botlhokwa mo go bone mo botshelong jwa bone.  Le fa go ntse jalo, re dirisa nako, maatla le maatla a rona go godisa bana ba rona.  Re tshwanetse go dira dilo di le dintsi go fitlhelela re bona diphelelo tse di tlhokegang mo tlhabololong ya botho jwa bana ba rona.  Eno ke nako e re tshwanetseng go ba senolela dikgakgamatso tsa lefatshe fa ba sa ntse ba sa ntse ba na le molato, go batla go itse le go rata go ithuta, ba itumelela go nna le rona le go itemogela lefatshe mo maemong a dikakanyo le kitso ya rona.  Ga go na nako e e siameng, ka jalo itumelela nako eno ka fa o ka kgonang ka teng.  Le fa go ntse jalo, ke nako ya gore o ikutlwe o sa kgone go dira sepe se se phoso.  O tla nna le kgalalelo e e ntseng jalo ka gonne ga e nke e nnela ruri.  Wena jaaka motsadi o tshwanetse go itse gore ngwana wa gago ke mang.

          Rona jaaka batsadi re tshwanetse go ithuta go godisa le go kaela bana ba rona go rata bontle le bomodimo jwa “Mowa o Mogolo” o ba bopileng go nna bone.  Eno ke nako e ngwana a tshwanetseng go nna le segakolodi se se siameng.  Le fa go ntse jalo, go botlhokwa gore bana ba rona ba rute se se siameng le se se sa siamang le gore ba ka dira jang ditshwetso tse di siameng.  Re tshwanetse go leba nako eno e le maitemogelo a a nang le ditshono tsa go leka le diphoso go bona gore ditiro tsa bone le dikarabo tsa bone di tshwanetse go nna dife.  Ba batla go re ema nokeng le go bala tsela e re itshwarang ka yone.   Re batla gore ba nne le boipuso jo bo rileng, mme mo boitekanelong jwa bone ga re a tshwanela go ba letla go rwala maikarabelo a a sa siamang. 

          Tlhalosa sentle gore se o se agang mo botsalanong jwa gago le ngwana wa gago mo kgatong eno ya kgolo ke karolo ya maikaelelo a “Moya o Mogolo”.  “Dilo tse di go tshwereng mo pelong le mo moweng wa gago, le “dilo” tse di di tshotseng mo pelong le mo moweng wa gago, di feta sengwe le sengwe se se amanang le matshelo a gago.  Ke mofuta o o farologaneng wa lorato le mofuta o o farologaneng wa botsalano, mme ga o ka ke wa bapisiwa le sepe se re itemogelang sone. Ka metlha nna o butse ditsela tsa tlhaeletsano.  Go ya ka maitemogelo a ntlha, nka go bolelela gore go na le dinako tse di sa siamang, fa ba setse ba godile, re tshwanetse go fitlha maikutlo a rona le dikeletso tsa rona gore bana ba rona ba kgone go itlhatlhoba. Ga re ka ke ra ba kgaoganya le maitemogelo a bone mo loetong lwa bone.  Le fa go ntse jalo, re tshwanetse go nna le seabe mo tirong ya go dira ditshwetso le fa go ka lebega e kete ga go a siama go dira ditshwetso tse di sa siamang.  Thapelo ya rona ke gore maitemogelo a ba a tlhophang ka boitlhophelo jwa bone kgotsa ka go sa tlhophiwe, a tla ba thusa go araba pitso ya bone ya bokamoso.

Lei with her kitten “Ashley”.

Fa ba sa ntse ba le bannye, ga re itse gore ba tla nna bomang. Re na le boikarabelo jwa go ba ela tlhoko fa ba dirisana le lefatshe la bone; go tsaya matshwao a gore re ka ba thusa jang go tlhabolola dimpho tsa bone le intuition ka ga “destiny call”.