Category: TINY TIPS 4 MOMS AND DADS

Today I am going to share an excerpt of Chapter 3 of my book- “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

This is just a taste of the chapter 3: “Parent and Child Connection”

Chapter Three

Parent and Child Connection

I Realize

I realize you are a gift given to me with great intention and you and I are connected by design.

Quotes:

Alex Haley once said:

“In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.”

August Napier once said:

“In each family a story is playing itself out, and each family’s story embodies its hope and despair.”

I love this verse of the poem.  I think it is the one thought that takes my child and me into an eternal relationship.  I believe that everything we experience in life is not by chance but by divine design. I believe that our children chose us.  I believe that “Great Spirit” blesses us with the opportunity to share ourselves in ways that we didn’t even dream we had the potential of doing.  Somehow the nature of being a parent seems to elicit new and unique abilities in us. We seem to be able to have patience and tolerance for things we never would have been able to handle before we became parents. 

Question:

How do I reaffirm a divine intentional connection with my child?

 From 0 to age 8 is perhaps one of the critical times for us as parent and child to lay the foundation of our relationship.  This is the bonding period.  It is the time when we have the opportunity to demonstrate to our child who we are in their lives and how dependable we are.  It is the time in which children have an opportunity to experience how their parents will respond to them on a daily basis and in all kinds of situations.  This is the period where the vital elements of the relationship are established like trust vs. mistrust.

          This is the time in a child’s life where they discover how it feels to be loved, honored and respected and in turn even though they don’t know what these expressions mean, they learn to demonstrate these attributes to their parents and to other adults that are important to them in their life.  This is the period when we invest a great deal of concentrated time, energy, and effort in raising our children.  It calls us to lay a lot of things on the back burner until we have secured the results that are needed in the development of our children’s character.  This is the time that we have to expose them to the wonders of the world while they still through their innocence, curiosity and willingness to learn, are excited about being with us and experiencing the world in the context of our perceptions and knowledge.  This period doesn’t last so enjoy this for as long as you can.  This is the time in your relationship that they feel that you can do no wrong.  Bathe in this glory, because it does not last forever.  You as a parent must begin to recognize who your child is.

          We as parents must learn to nurture and guide our children into loving the beauty and divinity of who “Great Spirit” designed them to be.  This is the period of development where a child must develop a conscience.  During this period, it is crucial that we teach our children right from wrong and how to make appropriate decisions.  We have to view this period as experiential with trial-and-error opportunities to figure out what their actions and responses should be.  They look to us for support and read our reactions to their behavior.   We want them to stretch themselves and reach a certain amount of autonomy, but for their own well-being we must not let them assume inappropriate responsibility for themselves. 

          Be clear that what you build into your relationship with your child during this phase of development is truly part of an intentional design on the part of “Great Spirit”.  The “stuff” that holds you in their heart and soul, and the “stuff” that holds them in your heart and soul, transcends everything and everyone that interfaces in your lives.  It is a different type of love and a different kind of relationship, and it cannot be compared to anything else we experience. Always keep the lines of communication open.  From first-hand experience, I can tell you that there are times, when they are young adults that we even have to hide our own feelings and desires so that our children can try themselves. We cannot shortchange them from the experiences that are part of their journey.  We must give them the room to make choices even when it might seem that they are making bad decisions.  Our prayer is that the experiences they choose by either their choice or by default, will enable them to answer their destiny call.

When they are little, we have no idea of who they will evolve to be. We have a responsibility to observe them as they interact with their world; to pick up clues on how we can support them in developing their gifts and intuition about their “destiny call”.

Mpho ya Bosakhutleng!

Bana ke mpho e kgolo go di gaisa tsotlhe tse batho ba di neilweng.

Gompieno ke tlile go abelana karolo ya Kgaolo 1 ya buka ya me – “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

Seno ke setshwantsho sa kgaolo ya 1 fela:

Wena o mpho ya botshelo jotlhe jwa me.

“Tiro eno ya botshelo ke nngwe e re tshwanetseng go e tsaya jaaka motsadi le ngwana wa me.  Ke go solofetsa gore ke tla go rata ka nako e telele jaaka motlhaba wa nako.”

Kgaolo ya Ntlha

Wena o mpho ya botshelo jotlhe jwa me.

Ke a lemoga

Ke neilwe mpho ya go nna motsadi wa gago, mme ke lemoga gore ke maitlamo a botshelo jotlhe.

Quote: Mme Elisabeth Stone says: Go Tsaya Tshwetso ya go Tshola Ngwana – Go Botlhokwa O tshwanetse go dira tshwetso ya gore pelo ya gago e tsamaye ka bosakhutleng.

Potso: 

Ke eng se se bontshang gore ngwana wa me ke mpho e e molemo mo botshelong jwa me?

E re ke simolole ka go tlhalosa lefoko ‘mpho’ go ya ka Webster’s Dictionary gore fa re ntse re le mo puisanong e, re nne le tlhaloganyo e e tshwanang. Go ya ka tlhaloso ya lefoko “mpho” le kaya se se neilweng; Mpho Tlholego

Gongwe pono e e gakgamatsang thata ya kamano ya rona le bana ba rona ke gore re tshwanetse go leba go nna motsadi e le mpho e e neilweng.  Ga se selo se se tshwanetseng go tsewa motlhofo.  Ke tirisanommogo ya bomodimo mo letlhakoreng la “Moya o Mogolo”.  Ka dinako tse dingwe re batla go nna batsadi ba rona mme re dira dilo tse di farologaneng fa re ka nna le bana.  Ke gakologelwa motlotlo mongwe le mongwe o ke neng ke na le one le Modimo ka keletso ya me ya go nna le tshiamelo ya go tlisa botshelo mo lefatsheng leno.  Ke ne ka rapela gore ke nne mme.  Ke ne ka rapela gore monna wa me a nne le tshono ya go nna rre.  Botshelo jwa me jotlhe, ke ne ke ikutlwa e kete ke tlhomilwe go nna motlhokomedi.  Boikaelelo jwa botshelo jwa me e ne e le go nna le bana gore ke kgone go dira pharologanyo mo matshelong a bone.  

Ke ne ka solofetsa Modimo gore fa a ka mpha ngwana wa mosimane, ke tla mo naya ngwana yoo.  Ke kgolagano e e ka se dirweng ka botlalo. Fa o akanya ka mpho nngwe, o akanya ka sengwe se gantsi o itumelelang go se amogela.  Go na le maikutlo a a itumedisang le a go kgatlhegela fa o leka go sekaseka se o se neilweng.  O ipotsa gore a ke sengwe se o neng o sa bolo go se batla le go se emetse, mme o sa batle go se bua.  O ipotsa gore a ke sengwe se o neng o se solofetse mme o sa batle go se bona ka bowena ka gonne se ne se le tlhwatlhwakgolo, mme o ne o sa itse gore a o tshwanelwa ke sone.  O ka ipotsa gore a go na le sengwe se se diragalang ka mpho eno, o tla latlhegelwa ke mofuta ofe.  Fa re ka ipotsa dipotso tseno ka sengwe se e leng sa nakwana le se se bonalang, re tshwanetse go belaela gore re amogela mpho eno e e tlhwakgolo go le kana kang?

Potso:

Kgotlhang eno magareng ga motsadi le ngwana e simologile leng?

Kgaolo ya Ntlha ya Tlhatlhobo

Go ikatisa:  Tlhalosa dimpho tse o akanyang gore ngwana wa gago a ka di naya botshelo jwa gago jaaka motsadi le dimpho tse o ka di nayang botshelo jwa ngwana.

Dimpho tse ngwana a tshwanetseng go di naya:	Dimpho tse o tshwanetseng go di naya:

Today I am going to share an excerpt of Chapter 1 of my book- “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

This is just a taste of the chapter 1:

You are My Lifetime Gift

“This venture of life is one that as your parent and as my child we must take hand in hand.  I promise to love you my child as long as the sands of time.” Me and Niki when she was little, doing what we still do today!

Chapter One

You are My Lifetime Gift

I Realize

I’ve been given the gift to be your parent and as your parent I realize this is a lifetime commitment.

Quote: Elizabeth Stone once said: Making the decision to have a child – it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.

Question: 

What do I mean when I say that my child is a gift in my life?

Let me start by defining the word “gift” in terms of the Webster’s Dictionary so that while we are engaged in this conversation, we have the same understanding. According to the definition “gift” means: That which is given; a natural endowment.

Perhaps the most amazing perception of our relationship with our children is that we must see parenting as a being given a gift.  It is not something to take lightly.  It is absolutely a divine interaction on the part of “Great Spirit”.  Sometimes we are very intentional in our desire to be parents, and we make all kind of promises if we are blessed with a child.  I can remember every conversation I had with God about my yearning to have the honor to bring life into this world.  I prayed for the chance to be a mother.  I prayed for the opportunity for my husband to have the experience of being a father.  All of my life I felt that I was ordained to be a nurturer.  My life’s purpose was engulfed in being with children so that I could make a difference in the quality of their lives.  

I promised God that if he gave me a child, I would give that child back to Him.  This is a covenant that cannot be broken. When you think of being given a gift, you think of something that you usually are excited about receiving.  There are feelings of anticipation and curiosity as you try to analyze what you are being given.  You wonder if it is something that you have been wanting and waiting for, a long time, but didn’t dare to mention.  You wonder if it is something that you hoped for but didn’t want to get it for yourself because it was so valuable, and you didn’t know if you were worthy of it.  You wonder if something happens to this gift what kind of loss you will experience.  If we can ask ourselves these questions about something that is temporal and material, how expansive and deep must we question the receiving of this gift that is priceless?

Question:

When does this relationship begin between parent and child?

Chapter One Reflection

Exercise:  Describe the gifts you feel that a child can bring to your life as a parent and the gifts you can bring to the life of a child.

Gifts a child has to offer:	Gifts you have to offer:

Children are the greatest gift to humanity.

Today I am going to share an excerpt of Chapter 6 of my book- “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

This is just a taste of the chapter!

Spend Time with Your Child

“Love is not minding having your face painted by the artist in residence.  You see she is very serious about her work.”

Make sure that you never laugh at children, only with them!!!

Chapter Six

Spend Time with Your Child

I Realize

I realize I must be very intentional in spending time with you, praying with you, playing with you, laughing with you, crying with you, listening to you, and problem solving with you.

Question:

What do I mean by spending time with your child intentionally?

 In the busy and stressful society that we live in today, it is getting to be impossible to spend any time with our children.  It seems as though we are on a treadmill and can’t get off.  The family structure that was prevalent in my early childhood is almost extinct. I was born into a black middle-class family where my Mother stayed home to take care of her five children until the youngest child was in middle school. I grew up in an era when there were two parents in a home.  It was a time when mothers were just beginning to work outside the home. It is amazing how the political climate affects the economic wellbeing and how economics affect the quality of life we experience in our family life as citizens of our society.  Families face so many struggles today in just trying to keep a roof over their family’s head and food on the table.  The middle class is on a downward spiral, so that American society is looking more and more everyday like the” have and have not” form of existence.  Most parents are working more than one job just to break even every month.  The truth is that most of us are just a paycheck away from financial trouble.  We can’t afford to miss one paycheck, or we will be so far behind that we can’t keep our heads above water. If this is not stressful enough, we work on jobs that keep us uptight and fearful. The worst part about living under all this stress beside what it does to our physical and emotional wellbeing is that we have very little left to give to our personal relationships.  Our families have to settle for whatever is left of our time, energy, and sanity.

          We are in a position now that we actually have to be intentional about spending time with our children. Consequently, it is no longer just a natural phenomenon that we are just able to “be” with and accessible to our children. The new thought is that we should be intentional about spending “quality time” with our children.  To me that meant that I had to make sure that I was “on” every time I set up my “quality time” with Niki. This used to drive me crazy and really made me feel anxious about not only setting out the time in my schedule, but when I was with her in this set up “quality time”, I never felt truly comfortable and relaxed.  I just didn’t feel like I was in a natural relationship with my child. 

I felt that she needed to be integrated into the whole fabric of my life experiences that were age and content appropriate situations. She and I developed a relationship that was intentional and naturally spontaneous.  When she needed me to give her one on one attention, I felt it was my responsibility to meet her needs. There were times that I could not give her my undivided attention immediately, but I would assure her that I would be there for her as soon as physically possible.  I always tried to keep my word, because trust is a very important element in building a relationship with your child.  There were times I had to disappoint her, but I always found a way to reassure her that I loved her and that if she needed me in an emergency, I would never let her down.  I was always very intentional about letting her know that her extended family could always be trusted to step in and support her if I were not able to get to her.

       .  It is vital that when we are spending time with our children that we are modeling the appropriate life skills.  It is important for us to model integrity, respect and love in our everyday dealings with people. Whatever it is you hope for and dream for your child you must demonstrate but you cannot impose things that don’t fit their destiny call.

Question:

Why is it important for you as parents to pray, play, laugh, listen, and problem solve with your child?

Chapter Six Reflection

Exercises: Reflecting on what we have discussed in this chapter, describe how you will spend time with your child.

I will spend time with my child by:

Patty and Josh on his first ride on a swing.

Enjoy every moment of your parenthood it is a gift.

الأطفال هم أعظم هدية للبشرية.

نصائح صغيرة للأمهات والآباء # 29Arabic-

ما الذي يتطلبه الأمر ومن يجب أن تكون لخدمة الأطفال كمعلم لهم؟

سأشارك اليوم مقتطفا من الفصل 4 من كتابي – “احتضان هدية الأبوة: كيف تنشئ علاقة حب مع أطفالك”.

متوفر: أمازون وبارنز ونوبل وكذلك Xlibris.

هذا مجرد طعم للفصل!

الفصل الخامس

كيف تتواصل اجتماعيا مع طفلك

يتمرن في صالة الألعاب الرياضية

من المهم أن يتعلم الأطفال كيفية الاختلاط مع الأطفال الآخرين.  عليك أن تمنحهم فرصا للعب مع أطفال آخرين في مجموعة متنوعة من المواقف والأيقواط الاجتماعية. يعد النشاط البدني المنظم وغير المنظم أمرا بالغ الأهمية للرفاهية الجسدية والعاطفية لأطفالنا.

الفصل الخامس

كيف تتواصل اجتماعيا مع طفلك

أدرك

أدرك أنك تتوقع مني أن أحبك ، وأرشدك ، وأدعمك ، وأؤدبك ، مع الاتساق والاستمرارية.  أدرك أنني يجب أن أتابع ما أعلنه أنه الحقيقة والعدالة والنزاهة والحب الحقيقي لك ، لذلك ستطور في النهاية إحساسك بالوعي والقيم.

استشهد:

قالت إيدا ليشان ذات مرة:

“لم يعد أن يصبحوا بالغين مسؤولين مسألة ما إذا كان الأطفال يعلقون ملابس النوم أو يضعون مناشف متسخة في السلة ، ولكن ما إذا كانوا يهتمون بأنفسهم والآخرين – وما إذا كانوا يرون الأعمال اليومية مرتبطة بكيفية تعاملنا مع هذا الكوكب.”

سؤال:

ماذا يعني تأديب الطفل؟

هذا سؤال أن الإجابة لها تأثير على العناصر الأساسية لبناء علاقة مع طفلك.  تأتي كلمة الانضباط من الجذر: التلميذ – وهو ما يعني تلميذا أو تابعا لمعلم أو عقيدة.

وفقا لقاموس ويبستر ، هناك بعض التعريفات المثيرة للاهتمام مثل: التدريب المنهجي والصارم للقوى العقلية والأخلاقية والجسدية عن طريق التعليمات والممارسة. ضبط النفس.

          عندما أفكر في جذر كلمة الانضباط ، لا يسعني إلا أن أشعر أن هذا هو مفتاح النهج الذي يجب أن نتذكره عندما نؤدب أطفالنا.  يجب أن يكون أساس الانضباط هو رؤية الأطفال في وضع يتبعون قيادتنا أو قدوتنا.  لا ينبغي النظر إلى التأديب على أنه عقاب.  تعريف ويبستر يضعها بوضوح وإيجاز شديد. نحن بحاجة إلى التفكير في الآباء والمعلمين على أنهم في موقع قيادي في حياة الأطفال.  يضفي هذا الدور كقائد نكهة مختلفة على كيفية رؤيتنا للانضباط.  تقع على عاتقك مسؤولية نمذجة السلوك الذي تتوقعه من أطفالك.  لا يمكنك أن تقول شيئا واحدا ثم في ردود على العالم ، تظهر شيئا غير لائق وبغيضا.  السلوك الأكثر دقة يعطي رسالة للطفل الملتزم.  في كثير من الأحيان ، لا ندرك أنهم يسمعوننا أو يراقبوننا من زاوية أعينهم.  ستندهش مما نعتقد أنه يمكننا الإفلات منه الذي يعرفون كل شيء عنه.  فقط اطلب من معلم طفلك مشاركة بعض المحادثات التي يسمعونها في مناطق اللعب الدرامية في الفصل الدراسي ، أو في الملعب عندما يحاولون إقناع أقرانهم.  قالت أمي ، “كن حذرا فيما تقوله وتفعله ، لأنه قد يعود ليطاردك”.  كآباء ، علينا أن نتذكر أننا القدوة الأساسية ، وأننا تحت المراقبة المستمرة.

استعدوا أيها الآباء ، لقد فقدت قدرا كبيرا من حقك في الخصوصية الكاملة. تأخذنا مهنة الأبوة هذه إلى مكان يتعين علينا أن نتطور فيه.  ويتوقع منا أطفالنا والمجتمع ككل منا المزيد من الأمر.  لم نعد مسؤولين عن أنفسنا فقط.  نحن مدينون لأطفالنا بأن نكون أنفسنا العليا.  أنا لا أقول إننا لا نتسلل من وقت لآخر ، ولكن يجب أن نعمل على أنفسنا قبل أن نعمل على تعليم أطفالنا الانضباط واحترام أنفسهم واحترام الآخرين. 

هدفنا في عملية تأديب أطفالنا هو تعليم أطفالنا كيفية تطوير الضوابط الداخلية.  نريدهم أن يكبروا ليس فقط على التعرف على ما هو سلوك مناسب وغير مناسب ، ولكن لمعرفة كيفية إظهار السلوك واتخاذ القرارات التي تصب في مصلحتهم ولا تؤثر سلبا على الآخرين.  وأشعر أنه يتعين علينا أن ننظر إلى عملية تأديب الأطفال هذه على نطاق أوسع. 

إن فعل التأديب هو في الواقع أساس التنشئة الاجتماعية للطفل.  عملية التنشئة الاجتماعية هي حجر الزاوية فيما إذا كان لدينا مجتمع وظيفي أو مختل أم لا.  نحن وما زلنا مقصرين لبعض الوقت في مسؤوليتنا في التنشئة الاجتماعية لأطفالنا.  نحن عالقون في الانحرافات والأساطير حول كيفية تربية أطفالنا ، لدرجة أن العديد من الأطفال يربون أنفسهم حقا.  يتم تربية العديد من الأطفال في الشوارع.  يتم تربية العديد من الأطفال من قبل المعلمين أو مقدمي الرعاية أو أمناء المكتبات أو العاملين في الشباب أو الأجداد أو آباء الرعاية البديلة أو نظام العدالة الجنائية.  واسمحوا لي أولا أن أتكلم عن عدد الأطفال في هذا البلد، وهو أحد أغنى البلدان في العالم الذين لا مأوى لهم ولا أبو.  هذا في ذهني وقلبي إجرامي.  يبدو الأمر وكأنه “جرائم ضد الأطفال والعائلات”.  لا يوجد عذر لعدم وجود مؤن للعائلات في بلدنا “العظيم”.  كيف يمكننا أن نتوقع إضفاء الطابع الاجتماعي على مواطني بلدنا عندما يكون لدينا الكثير من العائلات المختلة؟  كيف يمكننا أن نتوقع رفع مستوى الإنتاجية بين مواطنينا المستقبليين والحاليين ، إذا لم ندعم نوعية حياة العائلات؟  لكي تقوم العائلات بعملها في تربية أطفال كاملين وأصحاء وسعداء من شأنهم أن يقدموا مساهمة إيجابية للمجتمع ، يجب أن نلتزم بما يلي:

• اجعل من الممكن لتعليم الوالدين البدء في المدرسة الابتدائية.
• المزيد من الوصول إلى دورات تعليم أولياء الأمور التي تعد جزءا من البرنامج الوطني لتعليم الوالدين المخططين.
• امنح إعفاءات ضريبية لجميع أولياء الأمور الذين يأخذون دورات تعليم الوالدين.
• منح إعفاء ضريبي لجميع أولياء الأمور الذين يحضرون مؤتمرات أولياء الأمور ويتطوعون في مدرسة أطفالهم.
• امنح إجازات الوالدين مع الدفع للوالدين للبقاء في المنزل في العامين الأولين من حياة طفلهم. يمكن للأم أو الأب التناوب إذا أرادوا التناوب.
• إسكان أكثر بأسعار معقولة ومساكن حكومية تستضيف عائلة بلا مأوى لمدة تصل إلى عامين. يجب أن يكون لدى هذه العائلات خيار الشراء.
• توفير برامج مهنية لأولئك الأفراد المشردين حتى يحصلوا على عمل قبل مغادرتهم برنامج الإسكان.
• تتعاون الحكومة والمؤسسات الخاصة لتوفير فرص عمل لأولئك الآباء الذين يحتاجون إلى وظائف.
• البرامج الوطنية الشاملة المجانية للطفولة المبكرة
• برامج متعددة الخدمات في حرم المدارس من شأنها أن توفر موارد الصحة والرعاية الاجتماعية للعائلات.
• إعادة هيكلة النظام المدرسي بحيث يكون موجها نحو نظريات النمو والتطور الفعلية للطفولة المبكرة والطفولة الوسطى والمراهقة.
• قم بتنظيم الجداول الزمنية لبرامجنا المدرسية حتى يتمكن الأطفال من الحصول على مكان آمن للإقامة وتلقي الأنشطة الأكاديمية واللاصفية بعد البرنامج اليومي العادي. 

عندما نشارك بشكل أكثر استباقية في الأنظمة التي من المفترض أن تدعمنا في التنشئة الاجتماعية لأطفالنا ، ستتاح للعائلات فرصة أفضل لتربية أطفال أكثر اعتمادا على الذات واحتراما. 

هذه مع كلبها تينكربيل في النعيم والسعادة المطلقة.  أشعر أنه من المهم جدا أن يكبر الأطفال حول.  إنه جزء من عملية التنشئة الاجتماعية.  يساعد على تعزيز الحب والثقة والاحترام.

الفصل الخامس انعكاس

تمرين: صف الاختلافات في الغرض من العقاب على عكس الغرض من التأديب عند التنشئة الاجتماعية للأطفال.

الغرض من العقوبة:	الغرض من الانضباط:

تمرين: ما هي طرق التأديب التي ستستخدمها لتوجيه طفلك ورعايته؟

What does it take and whom must you be to serve children as their teacher?

Today I am going to share an excerpt of Chapter 4 of my book- “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

This is just a taste of the chapter!

Chapter Five

How to Socialize Your Child

Niki working out at the gym

It is important for children to learn how to socialize with other children.  You have to give them opportunities to play with other children in a variety of situations and social settings. Structured and unstructured physical activity is crucial for the physical and emotional well-being of our children.

Chapter Five

How to Socialize Your Child

I Realize

I realize you are expecting me to love you, guide you, support you, and discipline you, with consistency and continuity.  I realize I must follow through with what I proclaim to be truth, justice, integrity, and genuine love for you, so you will ultimately develop your own sense of conscious and values.

Quote:

Eda Leshan once said:

“Becoming responsible adults is no longer a matter of whether children hang up there pajamas or put dirty towels in the hamper, but whether they care about themselves and others — and whether they see everyday chores as related to how we treat this planet.”

Question:

What does it mean to discipline a child?

This is a question that the answer has an effect on basic elements of building a relationship with your child.  The word discipline comes from the root: disciple- which means a student or follower of a teacher or a doctrine.

According to Webster’s Dictionary there are some interesting definitions such as: Systematic and rigorous training of the mental, moral, and physical powers by instruction and exercise; Self-control.

          When I think of what the root is of the word discipline, I cannot help but feel that this is the key to the approach we should remember when we discipline our children.  The foundation of discipline should be to see children in a position of following our lead or example.  Discipline should not be seen as punishment.  Webster’s definition lays it out very clearly and concisely. We need to think of parents and teachers as being in a position of leadership in the lives of children.  This role as a leader puts a different flavor on how we view discipline.  It is your responsibility to model the behavior you expect from your children.  You cannot say one thing and then in responses to the world, demonstrate something inappropriate and distasteful.  The most subtle behavior gives a message to the observant child.  Often, we are not aware that they are hearing us or watching us out of the corner of their eyes.  You would be surprised what we think we can get away with that they know all about.  Just ask your child’s teacher to share some of the conversations they overhear in the dramatic play areas in a classroom, or on the playground when they are trying to impress their peers.  Mommy said, “Be careful what you say and do, because it might come back to haunt you”.  As parents we need to remember that we are the primary role model, and we are under constant observation.

Get ready parents, you have lost a great deal of your right to complete privacy. This parenthood profession takes us to a place where we have to evolve.  More is expected of us and from us by our children and by society at large.  We are no longer just responsible for ourselves.  We owe it to our children to be our higher self.  I’m not saying that we don’t slip from time to time, but we must work on ourselves before we work on teaching our children discipline, respect for themselves and respect for other people. 

Our goal in the process of disciplining our children is to teach our children how to develop inner controls.  We want them to grow into the ability to not only recognize what is and is not appropriate behavior, but to know how to manifest behavior and make decisions that are in their best interest and do not negatively affect others.  I feel that we have to look at this process of disciplining children on an even broader scope. 

The act of disciplining is actually the foundation of socializing a child.  The process of socialization is the corner stone of whether or not we have a functional or dysfunctional society.  We are and have been for some time remiss in our responsibility to socialize our children.  We are so caught up in the distractions and myths of how we are to raise our children, that many children are really raising themselves.  Many children are being raised by the streets.  Many children are being raised by teachers, care givers, librarians, youth workers, grandparents, foster care parents, or the criminal justice system.  Let me first speak to the number of children in this country, one of the wealthiest countries in the world that are homeless and parentless.  This in my mind and heart is criminal.  It feels like “crimes against children and families”.  There is no excuse for the lack of provisions for the families in our “Great” country.  How can we expect to socialize the citizens of our country when we have so many dysfunctional families?  How can we expect to raise the level of productivity among our future and current citizenry, if we do not support the quality of life for families?  In order for families to do their job of raising whole, healthy, and happy children that will make a positive contribution to society, we must commit to doing the following:

• Make it possible for parent education to start in elementary school.
• More access to Parent Education courses that are part of a national Planned Parent Educational Program.
• Give a tax break to all parents that take parent education courses.
• Give a tax break to all parents that attend parent conferences and volunteer at their child’s school.
• Give parental leaves with pay to parents to stay home the 1^st two years of their child’ life. Mother or Father can alternate if they want to take turns.
• More affordable housing and government housing that will host a homeless family for up to 2 years. These families should then have the option to buy.
• Provide vocational programs for those individuals that are homeless so that they will get employment before they leave the housing program.
• Government and private enterprise collaborate to provide employment opportunities for those parents need jobs.
• National Universal free Early Childhood programs
• Multi-Service programs on school campuses that would offer health and welfare resources for families.
• Re-structure the school system so that it is geared towards the actual growth and development theories of Early Childhood, Middle Childhood, and Adolescence.
• Organize the time schedules of our school programs so that children can have a safe place to stay and receive academic and extra-curricular activities after the regular daily program. 

When we get more proactively involved in the systems that are supposed to support us in socializing our children, families will have a better opportunity to raise more self-reliant and respectful children. 

This is Niki with her dog Tinkerbell in absolute bliss and happiness.  I feel that it is very important for children to grow up around animals.  It is part of the socialization process.  It helps to reinforce love, trust and respect.

Chapter Five Reflection

Exercise: Describe the differences in the purpose of punishment in contrast to the purpose discipline when socializing children.

Purpose of Punishment:	Purpose of Discipline:

Exercise: What methods of discipline will you use to guide and nurture your child?

Bana ke mpho e kgolo go di gaisa tsotlhe tse batho ba di neilweng.

Gompieno ke tlile go abelana karolo ya Kgaolo 4 ya buka ya me – “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

Eno ke kgaogelo fela ya kgaolo e e latelang!

Kgaolo ya bosupa

Dira gore ngwana wa gago a nne le boikgapo jo bo siameng

Ke a lemoga

Ke a itse gore ke na le boikarabelo jwa go go tlamela le go netefatsa gore o na le metswedi yotlhe le maitemogelo a o a tlhokang gore o nne motho yo o itekanetseng, yo o itekanetseng, yo o itumetseng, yo o ikanyegang.

Quote:

Sidonie Gruenberg o kile a re:

“Gore ngwana a ikutlwe a le botlhokwa, o tshwanetse go akanya gore ke motho yo o nang le botlhokwa. ‘O tshwanetse go itshepa jaaka motho’ – He has to trust him as an person

Potso:

Fa ke bua ka go tlhokomela bana ba gago, seo se akaretsa eng?

Ke gakologelwa batsadi ba me ba re: “Ke boikarabelo jwa rona go go naya sengwe le sengwe se o se tlhokang le se o se batlang.”  Ke akanya gore ke molao o o siameng wa go leka go dira tshwetso ya gore ke eng se se siameng gore rona jaaka batsadi re dire malebana le go tlamela bana ba rona dilo tse di bonalang.  Ke batla go tlhalosa sentle fa ke bolela gore se bana ba rona ba se tlhokang pele ga sengwe le sengwe ke lorato lwa rona lo lo sa feleng.  Bana ba rona ba tlhoka gore re nne mo maemong a mo go one re ka dirang ditshwetso tse di siameng fa ditshwetso tseno di ama matshelo a bone ka tlhamalalo le e seng ka tlhamalalo.  Ka dinako tse dingwe, se se ka lebegang e le tshwetso e e seng botlhokwa thata mo letlhakoreng la gago, se ka fetoga sengwe se se botlhokwa thata mo matshelong a bana ba gago.  O tshwanetse go nna matlhagatlhaga, go nna matlhagatlhaga le go akanyetsa fa o dira ditshwetso.  O tshwanetse go tlamela bana ba gago e seng fela mo dilong tse di bonalang mme gape le mo semoyeng. 

Le fa go ntse jalo, bana ba gago ba tshwanetse go go tshepa jaaka batsadi ba bone gore ba tla ba tlamela ka dilo tse ba di tlhokang thata.  Ditebelelo tsa bone ntle le go di tlhagisa, ke go nna le bobotlana tshireletsego ya:

         Lorato                                             Mmueledi Legaeng

         Tlotlo                            Botshabelo

         Kamogelo                                Dijo

         Go atamalana mo mmeleng                  Diaparo

         Tshegetso ya maikutlo                       Boitekanelo le Pabalesego

         Tshireletso Kgobalo                 Thuto

         Kaelo ya semowa

Go ka nna le dinako mo botshelong jwa rona jaaka motsadi fa dingwe tsa ditlhokego tseno di ka nna mo kotsing kgotsa tsa itlhokomolosiwa.  Re tshela botshelo jo bo raraaneng jo ka dinako tse dingwe bo tletseng ka dilo tse dintsi go feta tse re ka kgonang go di itshokela.  Ke boikarabelo jo bogolo jwa go nna motsadi. 

Fa o leba mo matlhong a ngwana wa gago mme o bona kgakgamatso le lorato lo a nang le lone mo moweng wa gagwe, o a itse gore tsotlhe di siame ka mowa wa gago.

Children are the greatest gift to humanity.

Today I am going to share an excerpt of Chapter 4 of my book- “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

This is just a taste of the chapter!

Chapter Seven

Building Good Self Esteem in Your Child

I Realize

I realize I have a responsibility to provide for you and to make sure that you have all the resources and experiences that you need to be a whole, healthy, happy and confident human being.

Quote:

Sidonie Gruenberg once said:

“To value his own good opinion, a child has to feel that he is a worthwhile person. He has to have confidence in himself as an individual.”

Question:

When I am talking about providing resources for your children, what does that entail?

I can remember my parents saying,” It is our responsibility to give you all of what you need and some of what you want.”  I think that this is an excellent rule of thumb in terms of trying to decide what is appropriate for us as parents to do in terms of providing material things for our children.  I want to be clear when I say that what our children need before anything else is our unconditional love.  Our children need for us to be in a position where we can make good decisions when these decisions affect their lives both directly and indirectly.  Sometimes, what might seem to be the most insignificant choice on your part, can turn into something of great magnitude later in the lives of your children.  You have to be conscious, diligent, and thoughtful about making decisions.  You have the responsibility of providing for your children in not only the material realm, but the spiritual realm as well. 

There are expectations on the part of your children to trust you as their parents in providing the most basic needs for them.  Their expectations without even voicing it, is to have at the very least the security of:

         Love                                       Advocate on their behalf

         Respect                                  Shelter

         Acceptance                             Food

         Physical closeness                    Clothing

         Emotional support                    Health and safety

         Protection from harm               Education

         Spiritual guidance

There can be times in our life as a parent that some of these needs might be at risk or neglected.  We live such complicated lives that are sometimes are filled with more drama than we can handle.  It is a lot of responsibility to be parent. 

Today I am going to share an excerpt of Chapter 4 of my book- “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

This is just a taste of the chapter!

Chapter Four

Why I’m Your Parent and Not Your Friend

I Realize

I realize you are expecting me to take my responsibility seriously and understand I cannot be your friend and Spirit Guide at the same time.

Question:

Why can’t we be our child’s friend and “spirit guide” at the same time?

I know that you are probably saying well according to the definition, I feel that as a parent I fit into that definition.  Yes, perhaps we can fit into the second definition, but we definitely do not fit into the first.  A friend is someone who may or may not be in relationship with you all of your life, but as parents we will never be considered acquaintances of our children.  Friends will never make the investment in your life like a parent will.  Friends usually love with conditions and parents by our very nature must love unconditionally.  Friends can take you or leave you.  Friends can outgrow each other.  Friends can lie to each other and cheat on each other.  Friends have a choice of being there for you in good times and bad.  Parents have none of these options.  It is imperative for us as parents to have a clear and consistent identity for the well-being of our children.  You cannot afford to give children mixed messages. 

Children do not need for us to be their equal. They need to look up to you for strength and wisdom. Many parents fall into the emotional trap of wanting to please their children and be their friend.  They themselves are so in need of approval and love that they think that this void can be filled by their child.  It is not a child’s responsibility to fill your voids.  If there are pieces of your soul that you feel are empty and dead, it is because you are trying to resolve your human conditions with temporal things rather than with a deeper sense of spiritual connectedness and a relationship with “Great Spirit”.  Please don’t bring life in the world to try to complete your “self”.  You come to earth with everything you need, just like your children do.  You just have to seek the truth about your gifts and using these gifts to the glory of “Great Spirit’s” intentions for your life and this will bring you a sense of wholeness, peace, and joy. 

You have the responsibility of modeling what it is to be a parent to our children.  You have a responsibility to let them know that we are not their friend.  You are their parental earthly spirit guides.  You have an obligation to take full responsibility for their childhood and tell them what you have a responsibility to do for them in their lives.  You have a responsibility to never promise them something that you cannot or will not do.  Your word has to be truthful and consistent. They must know that, as their parent, sometimes you will say yes to their request, and sometimes you will say no.  You must let them know that you will always try to give them everything they need, and some of what they want.  You must teach them in the real world there is no such thing as immediate gratification.  Let them know that the only real entitlement they have is to be loved and cared for by you.  You as a parent must create a united and consistent front of values and standards for your home and your children.  There cannot be that “do as I say and not as I do”.  Remember, you are their most important model of what it is to be a contributing, functional adult. 

Kgaolo ya 4

Bana ke mpho e kgolo go di gaisa tsotlhe tse batho ba di neilweng.

Gompieno ke tlile go abelana karolo ya Kgaolo 4 ya buka ya me – “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

Eno ke kgaogelo fela ya kgaolo e e latelang!

Kgaolo ya bone

Ke ka ntlha yang fa ke le tsala ya gago, e seng tsala ya gago.

Ke a lemoga

Ke a itse gore o lebeletse gore ke tseye maikarabelo a me masisi mme ke tlhaloganya gore nka se kgone go nna tsala ya gago le Mokaedi wa Mowa ka nako e le nngwe.

Potso:

Ke ka ntlha yang fa re sa tshwanela go nna ditsala tsa rona le “kaelo ya moya” ka nako e le nngwe?

Ke a itse gore o ka tswa o bua sentle go ya ka tlhaloso eo, ke akanya gore jaaka motsadi ke tshwanelwa ke tlhaloso eo.  Ee, re ka nna ra lekana le tlhaloso ya bobedi, mme ga re a tshwanela go tsena mo tlhalosong ya ntlha.  Tsala ke motho yo o ka nnang le kamano le wena botshelo jotlhe jwa gago, mme jaaka batsadi ga re kitla re tsewa re tlwaelane le bana ba rona.  Ditsala ga di kitla di dira peeletso mo botshelong jwa gago jaaka motsadi a dira.  Ditsala gantsi di rata ka maemo mme batsadi ka tlholego ya rona ba tshwanetse go rata ntle le maemo.  Ditsala tsa gago di ka go tsaya kgotsa tsa go tlogela.  Ditsala di kgona go thusana.  Ditsala di ka nna tsa bua maaka e bile di a tsietsana.  Ditsala tsa gago di na le boitlhophelo jwa go go thusa ka dinako tse di molemo le tse di bosula.  Batsadi ga ba na boikgethelo jono.  Go botlhokwa gore rona jaaka batsadi re nne le kitso e e utlwalang sentle le e e tlhomameng ya boitekanelo jwa bana ba rona.  Ga o ka ke wa kgona go naya bana melaetsa e e farologaneng. 

Bana ga ba tlhoke gore re tshwane le bone. Ba batla gore o nne le maatla le botlhale. Batsadi ba le bantsi ba wela mo serung sa maikutlo sa go batla go itumedisa bana ba bone le go nna ditsala tsa bone.  Le fa go ntse jalo, ba tlhoka lorato le lorato mo e leng gore ba akanya gore bana ba bone ba ka kgona go dira jalo.  Ga se boikarabelo jwa ngwana go tlatsa diphatlha tsa gago.  Fa go na le dikarolwana tsa mowa wa gago tse o akanyang gore ga di na sepe e bile di sule, ke ka ntlha ya gore o leka go rarabolola maemo a gago a botho ka dilo tsa nakwana go na le ka maikutlo a a tseneletseng a kgolagano ya semowa le kamano le “Moya o Mogolo”.  Please don’t bring life in the world to try to complete your “self”.  O tla nna le sengwe le sengwe se o se tlhokang, fela jaaka bana ba gago ba dira.  O tlhoka fela go batla boammaaruri ka dimpho tsa gago le go dirisa dimpho tseno go galaletsa maikaelelo a “Mowa o Mogolo” mo botshelong jwa gago mme seno se tla go tlisetsa maikutlo a a itekanetseng, kagiso le boitumelo. 

O na le boikarabelo jwa go sekaseka gore go nna motsadi mo baneng ba rona go kaya eng.  O tshwanetse go ba bolelela gore ga re ditsala tsa gago.  Lona baeteledipele ba mowa wa lefatshe la batsadi ba bone.  O na le boikarabelo jwa go ba direla bongwana jwa gago ka botlalo le go ba bolelela gore o na le maikarabelo a go ba direla eng mo botshelong jwa gago.  Ga o a tshwanela go ba solofetsa dilo tse o ka se kgoneng go di dira kgotsa tse o ka se kgoneng go di dira.  Lefoko la gago le tshwanetse go nna le boammaaruri le go ikanyega. O tshwanetse wa itse gore jaaka motsadi wa gago, ka dinako tse dingwe o ka nna wa re ee, mme ka dinako tse dingwe o ka nna wa re nnyaa.  O tshwanetse go ba bolelela gore ka metlha o tla leka go ba naya sengwe le sengwe se ba se tlhokang, le sengwe le sengwe se ba se batlang.  O tshwanetse go ba ruta mo lefatsheng la mmatota gore ga go na selo se se tshwanang le go kgotsofala ka bonako.  Ba lemoge gore tshwanelo e le nngwe fela ya mmatota e ba nang le yone ke go ratwa le go tlhokomelwa ke wena.  Wena jaaka motsadi o tshwanetse go nna le maemo a a kopaneng le a a sa fetogeng a lelapa la gago le bana ba gago.  Ga go kgonege gore “dira se ke se buang e seng se ke se dirang”.  Gakologelwa gore o sekao se se botlhokwa thata sa gore go nna mogolo yo o nang le seabe se se siameng le se se siameng.