Today I am going to share an excerpt of Chapter 2 of my book- “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.
Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.
Chapter Two:
Spirit Guide
Question:
What do I mean by the terminology “Spirit Guide”?
I have an intuitive understanding that as parents we are the “spirit guides “for our children. What do I mean by the term ‘spirit guide”? Well, just like many philosophers and theorists before me, I realize that ultimately our children do not belong to us, but to themselves and the universe that they have come to be served in and to serve. We cannot take ownership of our children. We cannot impose what we feel to be their identity or their destiny. We begin this relationship with them while they reside in the womb. It is at this time we begin to understand some of their nature. It is important to be very communicative with them.
I can remember when I was carrying my daughter and began to understand what she liked and what didn’t sit well with her. She was very physically active especially at night, but at the same time it seemed as though she had endless energy. It always felt as though she thought she was in a gym and needed to exercise. She was constantly tumbling and turning summersaults. I had to rub my tummy and sing gently to calm her down. At the time I was pregnant, I was teaching kindergarten and Niki, my baby in the womb, tried to participate in all the activities. She responded to the children’s actions and their voices. The children in the class loved to talk to her as well. I knew that this child would be very physically active, very social, very imaginative, and deeply spiritually connected to nature.
Well 28 years later, I have witnessed Niki as being an elite athlete, a great communicator, public speaker, poet, screen writer, and she carries a profound respect for the relationship between “Great Spirit” and the majesty of nature. She is deeply rooted in identifying with her heritage and expresses homage to it through dancing and drumming. Even as a young child she would go out into our backyard and while other children would be playing with dolls, Niki would be digging for artifacts or building little shrines to honor “Great Spirit” and her Navajo lineage. I didn’t understand what she was doing, but I knew that this was a deeply personal experience that was important and sacred to her.
I feel that we have a responsibility to watch our children, to listen to them, and to talk with them, not at them. The receptive and expressive communication format that we develop with our children will make all the difference in the world in what we have as a foundation for building a functional, as opposed to dysfunctional, relationship with our children. The world is going to step in and try to take over as quickly as possible. If we are to be “spirit guides to and for our children, we must work diligently and with great commitment to preserve their childhood. We make our greatest imprint during their childhood. Adolescence will follow coming through like the tornado or hurricane that it is. If we hold our ground and we are steadfast in our relationship with them, we will survive the storm, and they will come out victorious.
I do believe that it is important for us to acknowledge the milestones of development in our children. Parents must educate themselves so that they have an understanding how children grow and develop. If we neglect this, we are doing not only our children a disservice, but we are also doing a disservice to ourselves. You don’t have to fumble around in the dark and bang your head against the wall every time it seems as though no matter what you do or say, you are not getting through to them. Trust me, they might not be listening to you, but they heard you. I strongly recommend taking a Child Growth and Development class as well as Parent Education courses.
If you find that your child has special needs, do not hesitate to reach out for support. There are so many resources available to you and your child. I strongly suggest, is that you evaluate the ideas and theories that are presented in the courses and then use what you feel is appropriate for your child, your family dynamics, and your cultural and religious values. You have to feel as though what you are doing for and with your child is intuitively comfortable and appropriate.
Chapter Two Reflection:
In the role of a “Spirit Guide” what life experiences can you see yourself having the responsibility of guiding your child through?
Bana ke mpho e kgolo go di gaisa tsotlhe tse batho ba di neilweng.
Gompieno ke tlile go abelana karolo ya Kgaolo 2 ya buka ya me – “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.
Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.
Kgaolo ya Bobedi:
Kaedi ya Moya
Potso:
Ke eng se se dirisiwang ke lefoko ‘kaelo ya moya’?
Ke tlhaloganya sentle gore jaaka batsadi re “baeteledipele ba mowa” mo baneng ba rona. Lefoko ‘kaelo ya moya’ le kaya eng? Fela jaaka bafilosofi le baitsesaense ba le bantsi pele ga me, ke lemoga gore kwa bofelong bana ba rona ga se ba rona, mme ke ba bone le lobopo lo ba tlileng go direlwa mo go lone le go bo direla. Ga re kgone go tlhokomela bana ba rona. Ga re ka ke ra gatelela se re akanyang gore ke semelo sa bone kgotsa bokamoso jwa bone. Re simolola kamano eno le bone fa ba ntse ba le mo sebopelong. Mo nakong eno, re simolola go tlhaloganya dingwe tsa semelo sa bone. Go botlhokwa gore o buisane thata le bone.
Ke gakologelwa fa ke ne ke tshotse morwadiake mme ka simolola go tlhaloganya gore ke eng se a se ratang le se se sa mo itumediseng. O ne a le matlhagatlhaga thata mo mmeleng, segolobogolo bosigo, mme ka nako e le nngwe go ne go lebega e kete o na le maatla a a sa feleng. O ne a ikutlwa e kete o ne a le mo lefelong la go ikatisa mme a tlhoka go ikatisa. She was always tumbling and turning summersaults. I had to rub my tummy and sing gently to calm her down. Fa ke ne ke le moimana, ke ne ke ruta kindergarten mme Niki, ngwana wa me yo o mo popelong o ne a leka go nna le seabe mo ditirong tsotlhe. O ne a tsibogela ditiro tsa bana le mantswe a bone. Bana ba sekolo le bone ba ne ba rata go bua le ene. Ke ne ke itse gore ngwana yono o tla nna matlhagatlhaga thata mo mmeleng, a na le botsalano jo bo tseneletseng, a akanya thata e bile a amana thata le tlholego.
Morago ga dingwaga di le 28, ke bone Niki e le motshameki wa maemo a a kwa godimo, mobui yo mogolo, sebui sa phatlalatsa, mmoki, mokwadi wa sekirini, mme o na le tlotlo e e tseneletseng ya kamano magareng ga “Moya o Mogolo” le bogolo jwa tlholego. O tseneletse thata mo go ikopanyeng le ngwao ya gagwe mme o e tlotla ka go bina le meropa. Tota le fa a ne a sa le monnye o ne a ya kwa morago ga ntlo ya rona mme fa bana ba bangwe ba ne ba tshameka ka dipopi, Niki o ne a epa dilo tsa bogologolo kgotsa a aga ditempele tse dinnye go tlotlomatsa “Moya o Mogolo” le losika lwa gagwe lwa Ba-Navajo. Ke ne ke sa tlhaloganye se a neng a se dira, mme ke ne ke itse gore e ne e le maitemogelo a a tseneletseng a a neng a le botlhokwa le a a boitshepo mo go ene.
Ke akanya gore re na le boikarabelo jwa go tlhokomela bana ba rona, go ba reetsa le go bua le bone, e seng go bua le bone. Mokgwa wa tlhaeletsano o o amogelang le o o tlhalosang o re o tlhabololang le bana ba rona o tla dira pharologano yotlhe mo lefatsheng mo go se re nang le sone jaaka motheo wa go aga botsalano jo bo dirang le bana ba rona. Lefatshe le tla tsenelela mme le leke go tsaya kgato ka bonako jo bo kgonegang. Fa re batla go nna “baeteledipele ba mowa mo baneng ba rona, re tshwanetse go dira ka natla le ka boineelo jo bogolo go sireletsa bongwana jwa bone.” Re ne ra nna le seabe se segolo mo bonyaneng jwa rona. Bosha bo tla latela jaaka setsokotsane kgotsa setsokotsane. Fa re ka itshokela botsalano jwa rona le bone, re tla falola sefefo mme ba tla fenya.
Ke dumela gore go botlhokwa gore re lemoge dikgato tse di botlhokwa tsa tlhabololo ya bana ba rona. Batsadi ba tshwanetse go ithuta gore bana ba gola jang le gore ba gole jang. Fa re itlhokomolosa seno, ga re direle bana ba rona fela dilo tse di sa siamang, mme gape re dira dilo tse di sa siamang. Ga o tlhoke go iphitlhela o le mo lefifing le go itaya tlhogo ya gago mo leboteng nako le nako fa go lebega e kete go sa kgathalesege gore o dira eng kgotsa o bua eng, ga o kitla o ba fitlhelela. Le fa go ntse jalo, ba ka nna ba se ka ba go reetsa, mme ba ka nna ba go reetsa. Ke go gakolola thata gore o tseye tlelase ya go gola le go gola ga bana mmogo le dithuto tsa Batsadi ba Batsadi.
Fa o lemoga gore ngwana wa gago o na le ditlhokego tse di kgethegileng, o se ka wa okaoka go kopa thuso. Go na le dilo di le dintsi tse di ka go solegelang molemo wena le ngwana wa gago. Ke go gakolola thata gore o sekaseke dikakanyo le ditheo tse di tlhagisitsweng mo dithutong mme o dirise se o akanyang gore se siametse ngwana wa gago, maemo a lelapa la gago, le setso le bodumedi jwa gago. O tshwanetse go ikutlwa e kete se o se direlang le se o se direlang ngwana wa gago se siame e bile se siame.
Kgaolo ya Bobedi:
Le fa go ntse jalo, ke maitemogelo afe a a ka go thusang gore o nne le seabe mo botshelong jwa gago?
Today I am going to share an excerpt of Chapter 2 of my book- “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”. Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.
Chapter Two
Spirit Guide
Question:
What do I mean by the terminology “Spirit Guide”?
I have an intuitive understanding that as parents we are the “spirit guides “for our children. What do I mean by the term ‘spirit guide”? Well, just like many philosophers and theorists before me, I realize that ultimately our children do not belong to us, but to themselves and the universe that they have come to be served in and to serve. We cannot take ownership of our children. We cannot impose what we feel to be their identity or their destiny. We begin this relationship with them while they reside in the womb. It is at this time we begin to understand some of their nature. It is important to be very communicative with them.
I can remember when I was carrying my daughter and began to understand what she liked and what didn’t sit well with her. She was very physically active especially at night, but at the same time it seemed as though she had endless energy. It always felt as though she thought she was in a gym and needed to exercise. She was constantly tumbling and turning summersaults. I had to rub my tummy and sing gently to calm her down. At the time I was pregnant, I was teaching kindergarten and Niki, my baby in the womb, tried to participate in all the activities. She responded to the children’s actions and their voices. The children in the class loved to talk to her as well. I knew that this child would be very physically active, very social, very imaginative, and deeply spiritually connected to nature.
Well 28 years later, I have witnessed Niki as being an elite athlete, a great communicator, public speaker, poet, screen writer, and she carries a profound respect for the relationship between “Great Spirit” and the majesty of nature. She is deeply rooted in identifying with her heritage and expresses homage to it through dancing and drumming. Even as a young child she would go out into our backyard and while other children would be playing with dolls, Niki would be digging for artifacts or building little shrines to honor “Great Spirit” and her Navajo lineage. I didn’t understand what she was doing, but I knew that this was a deeply personal experience that was important and sacred to her.
I feel that we have a responsibility to watch our children, to listen to them, and to talk with them, not at them. The receptive and expressive communication format that we develop with our children will make all the difference in the world in what we have as a foundation for building a functional, as opposed to dysfunctional, relationship with our children. The world is going to step in and try to take over as quickly as possible. If we are to be “spirit guides to and for our children, we must work diligently and with great commitment to preserve their childhood. We make our greatest imprint during their childhood. Adolescence will follow coming through like the tornado or hurricane that it is. If we hold our ground and we are steadfast in our relationship with them, we will survive the storm, and they will come out victorious.
I do believe that it is important for us to acknowledge the milestones of development in our children. Parents must educate themselves so that they have an understanding how children grow and develop. If we neglect this, we are doing not only our children a disservice, but we are also doing a disservice to ourselves. You don’t have to fumble around in the dark and bang your head against the wall every time it seems as though no matter what you do or say, you are not getting through to them. Trust me, they might not be listening to you, but they heard you. I strongly recommend taking a Child Growth and Development class as well as Parent Education courses.
If you find that your child has special needs, do not hesitate to reach out for support. There are so many resources available to you and your child. I strongly suggest, is that you evaluate the ideas and theories that are presented in the courses and then use what you feel is appropriate for your child, your family dynamics, and your cultural and religious values. You have to feel as though what you are doing for and with your child is intuitively comfortable and appropriate.
Chapter Two Reflection:
In the role of a “Spirit Guide” what life experiences can you see yourself having the responsibility of guiding your child through?
O ira na gone era isolisoli cecere duadua ki na kawatamata.
Nikua au na wasea na Wase 8 ni noqu ivola- “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.
Sa vakarautaki tu: Amazon kei Barnes and Noble
Taro:
Na cava me’u cakava me’u kila kina se o cei na luvequ kei na sala me’u tokoni luvequ kina me kunea na nona icavacava?
Eda raica vua na luveda e dua na tiki ni keda ka da kila ni gone oqo e duatani sara ga na nona tamata. E dua na gauna veivakurabuitaki vua e dua na tamata ena imatai ni gauna era kila kina ni ra sa tawasei mai vei ira na nodra itubutubu. Na nodrau veimaliwai na itubutubu kei na gone e duidui mai na veiwekani tale eso. E dodonu mo rokova ka rokova na luvemu ena kedra ituvaki dina, ka sega ni o cei o nanuma ni o koya kina. E sega ni rawa ni o vakasaurarataka e dua na ivakatakilakila vei ira na luvemu. E rawa ni o masulaka me so na yavunibula totoka me ivakaraitaki ni nodra itovo, ia eda na sega ni rawa ni cakava me dua era sega ni vakakina. Kevaka eda tovolea me da vakatanitaka na ituvaki dina ni o cei era rairai kina, ena sega walega ni vakaleqai keda, ia ena vakavuna vei iko na itubutubu na mosi kei na rarawa levu. E sega ni dua na digidigi ia mo vakayagataka e vica vata na yabaki ena nomu veimaliwai kei ira ka vakadikevi ira. E kacivi keda na “Yalo Cecere” me da kila na ka vuni se o cei na luveda kei na cava era mai cau kina. Raica, e dodonu mo vakarautaki iko ki na “ilakolako ni vakadidike” oqo mai na gauna e toso kina e lomamu na gone ka tekivu veitaratara kei ira na nomu itubutubu. E tiko na ituvatuva vakalou kei na inaki ni nodra bula ka sa dodonu mo sauma vei ira ena nanamaki cecere, yalodina, yalodina, kei na marau.
Ena vuli ni Early Childhood eda na raica na ivakatagedegede ni veivakatorocaketaki ena ivakarau ni milestones. Au taleitaka na vosa oqo baleta ni’u tamata daurairai, kau taleitaka me’u raitayaloyalotaka na tubu ni luvequ ena veika bibi. E vakavotuya mai vei au na iyaloyalo totoka. Au rawa ni vakananuma e vuqa na veika bibi nei Nikki ka dau matadredredre mai na mataqu. Au nanuma rawa na imatai ni gauna au raici koya kina ni qiqi ena imocemoce. Au nanuma tiko na irairai ni matana ena nona raica ni rawa ni nakita me vuki ga vakataki koya. Au nanuma lesu na veika au vakila ni raica na iqaqalo ni yavana, tucake ga vakataki koya, qasi, taubale, cici, se raica ni rawa ni tomika e dua na ka me taura se laiva me lutu nakiti. Na irairai ni matana e tukuna vei au e levu na ka me baleta na nona itovo kei na nona itovo kaukauwa.
Au a dikeva na nona rawa ni veimaliwai ka dau kauwaitaka sega walega na matavuvale, ia vei ira talega na itokani kei na veikilai ena matavuvale. O watiqu e dua na ivukevuke ni italatala ni dua na lotu levu ka dau lako o Niki mai na dua na tamata ena lotu ki na dua tale ka sega vakadua ni vaka me lomaleqa se veilecayaki. Oqo na nona ivakarau nikua. Sega ni o ira kece na gone era vaka oqo. Na vugoqu o Robin e dau vakamatatataka sara o cei e qaravi koya. E matata sara o koya ni sega ni logavinaka vei ira na tamata ena taudaku ni nona matavuvale voleka. E digitaka ka digitaka o cei me laiva me vesuki koya ka dodonu mo cakacaka vakaukauwa ka balavu mo curu ki na nona iwirini ni veitaratara vakayago. Ni se itabagone qase cake mada ga o Robin e kila vinaka se o cei e veimaliwai vata. Eso era na nanuma beka ni madua, ia sa vakadikeva tiko o koya. Era sa tekivu basika mai na itovo ni bula ni ra sa tekivu vakamatautaki ira ki na vanua era tu kina. Kevaka e tiko vei iko na gauna kei na igu, au vakatura vakaukauwa mo tovolea mo vola na veika bibi nei luvemu kei na vakadidike duatani ni veika era cakava se tukuna. Sa dua na ka totoka me da raica lesu ka vakananuma na itukutuku vakamareqeti oqo.
Na noda itavi e tarava ena kena kunei ka susuga cake na luveda oya me soli vei ira na madigi ka na vakadikeva na nodra isolisoli kei na taledi. Au vakabauta vakaukauwa ni dua vei ira na imatai ni tikina e dodonu me da vakaraitaki ira kina na luveda sai koya na ivakatagi. Au a vakatagitaka na ivakatagi ka lagasere vei Niki ni’u bukete tiko ka dina sara ga ni oti ga na nona vakasucu au a lagata vua na “neitou sere lailai talei” me’u kidavaki koya ki na vuravura oqo. Au dau vakatagitaka na veimataqali ivakatagi e vale kei na motoka.
Ni se qai yabaki rua, keitou a tiko ena kalasi ni Mommy and Me Movement and Rhythms ena tabana ni ivakatagi ni USC. E taleitaka o koya ka sa dua na sala totoka me keirau sotava kina e dua na gauna vinaka vata kei luvequ. Au sa kauti koya ki na vakatasuasua ena vale ni vakatasuasua ka vakakina ki na vakatasuasua ena rara. E taledi sara o Niki ena ivakatagi. Au a sega vakadua ni vakarota me taura na lesoni ni ivakatagi se lesoni ni danisi, ia au vakila ni sa noqu itavi me’u vakarautaka vua na veika oqo me rawa ni vakadikeva na veika e rawa ni cakava. Na dua tale na ka au vakila ni bibi vua oya na sikova na veimataqali vale ni yaya makawa. Na imatai ni 12 na yabaki ni bula nei Niki a vakayagataki ena vale ni yaya ni wai kei na vale ni yaya ni liga.
E dodonu me ra vakatovotovotaka na gone na nodra rawa ka vakayago, vakasama kei na cakacaka ni liga, me rawa ni ra kila na veika era sotava me ra digidigi mai kina. E matata vei au mai na imatai ni gauna au vakadikeva kina o Niki, ni o koya e dua na gone bulabula ka maqosa. Au a vakacurumi koya ki na David Rabb gym me baleti ira na gone ni se qai yabaki 3. Oqo e dua na noqu vakatulewa vinaka duadua. O David e tu vua na kila ni tubu cake ni gone kei na bulabula vakayago. Au sega ni vakabauta ni’u se bera vakadua ni raica e dua na parokaramu me vaka na nona. Na parokaramu oqo a vakarautaka na buturara ni nona cakacaka vakadauqito o Nicole. Sa tovolea ka sa rawa-ka sara ena veika kecega mai na tenisi, qalo, vakasisisi e seua, vakasisisi ena ucacevata, skateboarding, golf, basketball, kei na soka na imatai ni nona taleitaka. E vakavinavinakataki David Rabb kei watina ena nodrau rai ni ra gadreva na gone e dua na forum me ra sega walega ni vakatorocaketaka na nodra kila vakayago, ia me ra vakatorocaketaka na nodra nuitaki ira kei na kila ni veimaliwai. Au vakatura vakaukauwa me vaka e dua na itubutubu mo saga vagumatua mo vakasaqara na veimadigi eso me ra vakaraitaki ira kina na luvemuni ki na veika e sotavi ka na vakavuna na tubu kei na vakatorocaketaki ena veiyasa kece sara ni nodra bula.
O ira na luveda era sa lesi ki na “Cecere” ka da sa ivakatawa ni kena taqomaki na nodra ilakolako me yacova ni ra sa vakarau tu me ra liutaka taucoko na iuli ni nodra waqa. Me’u vakamacalataka mada na ibalebale ni “cecere”. Au vakayagataka tiko na “cecere” me baleti ira na gone me vaka ni dusia tiko na kaci ni icavacava ni gone. Kevaka o vakabauta ni o keda yadua eda sucu mai me dua e duatani e vuravura ka cau ena noda vinaka duadua, sa dodonu meda rogoca na noda kaci ni icavacava ka cakacakataka na noda “cecere”. E dodonu mo vakabauta na nodra rawa ka na luvemu. E dodonu mo vakaraitaka vei ira ni o tiko ena nodra tutu ka vakamareqeta na nodra isolisoli kei na ilakolako. E dodonu mo vakabauta dina na nodra tadra. Ni ra se gone e dodonu mo nodra “dream catcher”. Vakarorogo ki na nodra veivosaki, vakaitavitaki ira ena veitalanoa, ka ni ra sa qase cake mai ka rawa ni vola na nodra vakasama kei na veika era vakila, sa dodonu mo vakayaloqaqataki ira me ra volavola ena ivolaniveisiga.
Au vakatura ni sa ka bibi me maroroi na nodra cakacaka ni liga kei na italanoa era vola e koronivuli me ivolatukutuku sega walega ni nodra tubu kei na nodra vakatorocaketaki, ia me baleta na yalo ni vakacegu era rawata ni ra nanuma ni da vakamareqeta na ivakarau ni nodra vakamacalataki ira. E dodonu me tudei tu na nodra nuidei me rawa ni ra bula ka tubu cake ena veika era na sotava ena kena vakavotukanataki na nodra tatadra ka rawata na nodra icavacava ki na “cecere”. E dodonu mo vagalalataka na sala vei ira ena nodra yabaki ni vuli me vakadeitaka ni ra sega ni vakarusa na nodra nuidei. Mo nanuma tiko, ni o sa solia tiko vei ira na dauveiqaravi ni gone, dairekita ni parokaramu, qasenivuli, dauveituberi, kei ira tale eso era veimaliwai kei luvemu, e dua na itutu kaukauwa. Mo vakadeitaka ni ra veivakayarayarataki vinaka ka ra sega ni cakava se tukuna na veika ena vakarusa na yalodei nei luvemu.
Vakasamataka lesu na gauna o a se gone kina ka tukuna vei ira na tamata na veika o na yaco kina ni ko sa tubu cake. Vakasamataka mada na itaviqaravi ni vakatasuasua o vakaitavi kina ena nomu vakalecalecava ni dua o dau qoroi. Au vakabauta ni gauna eda se lalai kina, sa tu vei keda na intuition me baleta o cei o keda kei na veika eda na cakava ni da sa uabula. Au vakabauta ni da lako mai eke ka kilai keda kei na noda “cakacaka” e vuravura. E kena irairai ni gauna o sa qase mai kina eso na gauna o rawa ni raica lesu kina na veika o cakava ni o se gone ena veika o sa cakava tiko ni o sa uabula. Na cava o nanuma ni o na cakava ni o sa uabula? O sa cakacaka tiko beka, se o sa rogoca tiko na nomu kaci ni icavacava vakalou ka cakava tiko na nomu “cakacaka ni bula”? O kila beka ni tiko e dua na duidui ni dua na cakacaka, kei na nomu cakava na nomu “cakacaka ni bula”? Na cakacaka e dua na ka o cakava ka yaco mo vakacegu mai kina. Na nomu “cakacaka ni bula” e dua na ka o kacivi kina mo cakava ka kovuta o cei o iko, na cava na nomu isolisoli kei na cava o na cau kina ki vuravura taucoko. E sega ni dua na ka o na vakacegu mai kina; Oqo e dua na ka e biuta tu mai na nomu mawe ena vakatorocaketaki ni kawatamata. E vuqa vei keda a sega ni vakayaloqaqataki me da muria na noda tatadra ka lako tani mai na kato ni “veitaqomaki”. Erau kaya vakacava na nomu itubutubu ni o tukuna vei rau, “Ni’u sa qase cake, au na dua na dauvukavuka?”
Au rawa ni nanuma vinaka tiko ni’u se gone sara mada ga au dau vakasoqoni ira vata na gone ena neitou itikotiko ki na neitou itikotiko me keitou laki veivakavulici e koronivuli. E tiko e dua na garaji levu 4 na motoka ka vukica o tamaqu me rumu ni qito me keitou kei na veisiga ni oti na vuli au dau qito vuli. Ena vulaikatakata au dau vakaitavitaki ira na wekaqu kei ira na noqu itokani ena kena caka e dua na vakatasuasua. Keitou na vakatovotovo ka vakatovotovo me yacova ni keitou nanuma ni keitou sa vinaka sara. Oti sa qai lesi na matavuvale me ra sarasara, ka keitou na qai vakatasuasua. Ni’u sa yabaki tinivakacaca, au dau vakavulica na piano vei ira na gone era tiko voleka. E kena irairai ni noqu bula taucoko sa dau qaravi ira tiko na gone, tutaki ira na gone, vakavulici ira na gone, se tuberi ira na qasenivuli era na vakavulici ira na gone. Au sega ni raitayaloyalotaka rawa me’u sega ni cakava na cakacaka e sega ni vakaitavitaki ira kina na gone se itabagone ena so na sala. Au kila ni’u se gone ni sa tu vei au e dua na icavacava me’u cakacaka ena vukudra na gone. Ena veigauna duidui ni noqu vakatorocaketaki vakacakacaka kei na noqu vakatorocaketaki yadudua eso na gauna ni veivakararamataki ka vakatakila vei au na vuli me’u na muria. Au kila ni a soli vei au na itavi me’u taqomaka na ivakarau ni nodra bula na gone e vuravura raraba.
Wase Walu Vakanananu
Vakaukauwa yago: Vakasamataka lesu na nomu gauna ni gone ka tovolea Mo bulia tale na nomu tatadra ni: O cei o na vaka ni o sa tubu cake? Na cava o na cakava vakacakacaka? Ena vakacava beka na ituvaki ni nomu bula?
Today I am going to share Chapter 8 of my book- “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”. Available -Amazon and Barnes and Noble
Question:
What must I do to discover who my child is and how can I support my child in discovering their destiny call?
We see in our child a part of ourselves and at the same time we recognize that this child is uniquely their own person. It is an amazing experience for a human being when they first realize that they are separate beings from their parents. The relationship between parent and child is different from any other relationship. You must honor and respect your child for who they are, and not for whom you imagine them to be. You cannot impose an identity on your children. You can pray that certain wonderful qualities are a reflection of their character, but we cannot make them someone they are not. If we try to manipulate the true essence of who they show up as, it will not only backfire on us, but it will cause you as a parent great pain and disappointment. You have no choice but to spend endless years interacting with them and observing them. “Great Spirit” calls us to discover the mystery of who our child is and what they have come to contribute. You see, you must prepare yourself for this “journey of discovery” from the moment the child moves inside of you and you as parent begin to communicate with them. There is divine design and purpose to their lives and you must respond to them with great anticipation, commitment, passion, and excitement.
In Early Childhood education we identify stages of development in terms of milestones. I like this terminology because I am a visual person, and I like visualizing my child’s development in terms of milestones. It conjures up beautiful images for me. I can reflect on many of Nikki’s milestones and a would smile creep across my face. I can remember what it felt like the first time I saw her roll over on the bed. I can remember the expression on her face when she discovered that she could intentionally roll over on her own. I can remember what it felt like to me when she discovered her toes, stood up on her own, crawled, walked, ran, or discovered that she could pick up an object hold it or let it drop intentionally. The expression on her face told me a lot about her temperament and her strong-willed personality.
I observed her ability from an early age to be social and to be responsive to not only the family, but to friends and acquaintances of the family. My husband was an associate pastor of a large church and Niki would go from one person in the church to the next and never seemed uncomfortable or insecure. This is her nature even today. Not every child is like this. My niece Robin was very particular about who handled her. She was very clear that she did not feel comfortable with people outside of her immediate family. She picked and chose who she would let hold her and you had to work hard and long to get into her inner circle of physical contact. Robin is even as a young adult very discerning about who she associates with. Some people might think she is shy, but she is really checking them out. Personalities start showing up as they begin to adapt to their environment. If you have the time and energy, I strongly suggest that you try journaling your child’s milestones and unique observations of things that they did or said. It is so wonderful to look back and reflect on these treasured accounts.
Our next responsibility in discovering and nurturing our child’s development is to afford them the opportunities that will explore their gifts and talents. I feel very strongly that one of the first elements that we should expose our children to is music. I played music and sang to Niki during my pregnancy and actually even right after delivering her I sang “our special little song” to her to welcome her into this earthly realm. I have always played a variety of music in the house and in the car.
When she was as young as two years old, we attended the USC music department’s Mommy and Me Movement and Rhythms class. She loved it and it was a wonderful way to have a quality experience with my child. I have taken her to concerts in concert halls as well as concerts in the park. Niki is very musically talented. I never demanded that she take music lessons or dance lessons, but I did feel that I had the responsibility to provide these experiences for her so that she could explore her possibilities. The other exposure that I felt was important for her was visiting different types of museums. The first 12 years of Niki’s life was spent in aquarium museums and art museums.
Children need to experiment with their physical, cognitive and artistic capacities, so that they will have personal experience from which to make choices. It was clear to me from my first observations of Niki, that she was a very physically active and agile child. I enrolled her in the David Rabb gym for children when she was about 3 years old. This was one of my best decisions. David has a background in both child development and physical fitness. I don’t think I have ever seen a program like his. This program set the stage for Nicole’s career as an athlete. She has tried and is quite accomplished in everything from tennis, swimming, surfing, snowboarding, skateboarding, golf, basketball, and soccer her first love. I have David Rabb and his wife to thank for their vision that children need a forum to not only develop their physical skills, but to develop good self-esteem and social skills. I strongly suggest that as a parent you make every effort to seek out opportunities to expose your children to experiences that will foster growth and development in all areas of their life.
Our children are destined for “Greatness” and we are the stewards of safeguarding their journey until they are ready to take complete charge of the helm of their own vessel. Let me describe what I mean by “greatness”. I’m using “greatness” in terms of children as it refers to the child’s destiny call. If you believe that each of us are born to be someone special in the world and to contribute the best of who we are, then we must answer our destiny call and work towards our “greatness”. You must believe in your children’s abilities. You must demonstrate to them that you are in their corner and that you value their gifts and journey. You must genuinely believe in their dreams. When they are young you must be their “dream catcher”. Listening to their conversations, engaging them in conversations, and as they get older and can write their thoughts and feelings, you must encourage them to journal.
I suggest that it is important to save their artwork and stories that they write in school as documentation not only of their growth and development, but for the sense of gratification they get when they think we value how they express themselves. They must have their self-esteem intact in order to survive and thrive through the experiences they will have in realizing their dreams and fulfilling their destiny to “greatness”. You will have to clear the path for them in their formative years to make sure that other people don’t destroy their self-esteem. Be mindful, that you are giving childcare providers, program directors, teachers, coaches, and other people that interact with your child, a powerful position. You have to make sure they are positive influences and that they do not do or say things that will destroy your child’s self-confidence.
Think back to when you were a child and would tell people what you were going to be when you grew up. Think about the dramatic play activities you engaged in pretending to be someone you admired. I believe that when we are little, we have an intuition about who we are and what we will do as adults. I believe we come here knowing ourselves and our “work” on earth. It seems as though when you become an adult there are moments when you can look back and see how things you did as a child have had an imprint on what you are doing as an adult. What did you think you would be doing as an adult? Are you working at a job, or are you answering your divine destiny call and are doing your “life’s work”? You do know that there is a difference between having a job, and doing your “life’s work”? A job is something you do and eventually retire from. Your “life’s work” is something you are called to do that encompasses who you are, what your gifts are and what you will contribute to the universe. It is not something you retire from; it is something that leaves your imprint on the enhancement of humanity. Many of us were not encouraged to follow our dreams and step out of the box of “security”. How did your parents respond when you told them that, “When I grow up, I’m going to be an astronaut?”
I can so vividly remember that even as a child I would gather the children in the neighborhood to our backyard to teach school. We had a large 4 car garage that my dad converted into a playroom for us and every day after school I would play school. During the summer I would get my neighbors and friends involved in creating a theater production. We would practice and practice until we thought we had it perfect. Then the family was designated as the audience, and we would perform. When I became a teenager, I taught piano to the neighborhood children. It seemed that my entire life has been taking care of children, advocating for children, teaching children, or training the teachers that will teach children. I really cannot imagine not doing work that did not involve children or youth in some way. I knew from a young age that I had a destiny call to work on the behalf of children. At different points in my professional and personal development there were moments of enlightenment that revealed to me the course I would take. I got it that I was given the responsibility to safeguard the quality of life for children on a global level.
Chapter Eight Reflection
Exercise: Think back on your own childhood and try to re-create your fantasy of: Who you would be when you grew up? What you would be doing professionally? What the quality of your life would look like?
Mo ṣàníyàn gidi gan-an nípa àwọn ọmọ wa! Mo ti máa ń dáàbò bo ohun tí mo rò pé àwọn ọmọ kékeré pàápàá jùlọ ó yẹ kí wọ́n farahàn. Igba ewe wọn jẹ pataki pupọ ati laanu fun akoko to lopin. Àwọn ìrètí wa fún àwọn ọmọ wa lè ṣe ìpalára nípa ríi dájú pé àwọn ìrètí wọ̀nyí yẹ fún ọjọ́ orí. A ní ìfẹ́ láti tẹ ètò fún ìdàgbàsókè àti ìdàgbàsókè wọn tí kò bá ọjọ́ orí mu nípa ìmọ̀, nípa ti ara, nípa ìmọ̀lára tàbí nípa ẹ̀mí. A nílò ọ̀nà mìíràn sí bí a ṣe ní ìbámu pẹ̀lú àwọn ọmọ wa nípa kì í ṣe ohun tí a retí lọ́wọ́ wọn nìkan ṣùgbọ́n ohun tí a retí fún wọn.
Mo ti ń rí ìṣẹ̀lẹ̀ kan nínú ìwà àwọn ọmọdé tí ó ní mi ju ìdààmú lọ ṣùgbọ́n mo ní ìmọ̀lára pé kíákíá wà nínú sísọ̀rọ̀ nípa ìwà yìí. Mo ti ṣiṣẹ́ pẹ̀lú àwọn ọmọdé, àti ní orúkọ àwọn ọmọdé gẹ́gẹ́ bí alátìlẹ́yìn àti olùkọ́ fún ju ogójì ọdún lọ. Mi ò tí ì rí irúfẹ́ ìdààmú ọkàn yìí rí tí mo sì ń sunkún fún ìrànlọ́wọ́, ju bí mo ṣe ń rí àti gbígbọ́ báyìí lọ. Mo gbàgbọ́ pé ohun tí mò ń rí àti ohun tí àwọn òbí àti olùkọ́ ń bá ṣiṣẹ́ jẹ́ ìdáhùn tó lágbára sí ìgbóná ìbànújẹ́ ohun tí ó ń ṣẹlẹ̀ ní ìpele àgbáyé. Àwọn ogun náà, ìyàn, ìjà òṣèlú, àìdúróṣinṣin ìgbésí ayé ilé àti àìsí àwọn ohun èlò tí ó wà láti ṣe àtìlẹ́yìn fún àwọn ẹbí àti àwọn ènìyàn lápapọ̀, ń nípa lórí ètò iṣan àwọn ọmọ wa. Ó kọlu gbogbo ààyè ìgbésí ayé wọn ó sì ṣètò wọn sí ìmọ̀lára àìdáàbòbò àti àníyàn. Wọ́n ń bínú, wọ́n bínú, wọ́n kàn bínú lásán!
Èyí kì í ṣe ayé tí wọ́n forúkọ sílẹ̀ láti yípadà sí láti ọkọ̀ òfurufú kejì. Wọ́n tọ́ sí púpọ̀ sí i láti ọ̀dọ̀ wa. Wọ́n yẹ kí wọ́n dì mọ́ra kí wọ́n sì dáàbò bo wọn. Wọ́n yẹ kí wọ́n dáàbò bo ìgbà èwe wọn kí wọ́n sì tọ́jú wọn. Wọn kò nílò láti bá wọn sọ̀rọ̀ ní ibi ìgbafẹ́ láti ọwọ́ àwọn òṣìṣẹ́ ẹ̀ṣọ́ orílẹ̀-èdè tí wọ́n ní ohun ìjà àti àwọn aṣojú ìjọba àpapọ̀. Èyí kò ní ìṣàkóso pátápátá àti pé ó yẹ kí ìyọkuro àwọn ìgbésẹ̀ wọ̀nyí kúrò lẹ́sẹ̀kẹsẹ̀ ní àwọn ìlú àti àwùjọ wa. Àwọn ọmọdé ní ìmọ̀lára ìkọlù yìí àti pé àwọn wọ̀nyí ni àwọn ìṣẹ̀lẹ̀ tí a kò ní parẹ́ kúrò nínú ọpọlọ wọn! Àwọn ìgbésẹ̀ àti ìrírí wọ̀nyí yóò ní àtẹ̀jáde burúkú àti ìgbésí ayé wọn lórí ayé wọn. Ìwà kan wà tí ó wọ́pọ̀ tí mo ti rí àti pé pápá àti ìwà ìbàjẹ́ ẹkún wọn nìyẹn àti ìdáhùn ìbínú ti ara tí ó máa ń jẹ́ ìwà ipá àti ìtùnú pátápátá. Ó jọ pé wọn kò ní agbára láti tún ara wọn ṣe fúnra wọn. Wọ́n ní ìmọ̀lára bí ẹni pé wọ́n dá wà.
A ní láti ṣe dáadáa. Àwọn ọmọ wa wà nínú àpòpọ̀ ìbẹ̀rù àti ìgbóná agbára ìmọ̀lára wa ń nípa lórí ìgbésí ayé wọn. Jẹ́ kí n ṣàlàyé. Àwọn ọmọdé ní ìsopọ̀ ìmọ̀lára pẹ̀lú ara wọn tí wọ́n ń fi agbára àti nípa ẹ̀mí ránṣẹ́. Wọ́n pín nínú jíjẹ́ wọn gẹ́gẹ́ bí ẹ̀dá ìmọ̀lára tí wọ́n ṣì so mọ́ “Orísun”- “The Source” láti ọ̀dọ̀ ẹni tí wọ́n rí wọn, tí wọ́n ṣe àgbékalẹ̀ wọn, tí wọ́n sì ṣe é. Eyi jẹ asopọ ti o kọja DNA! Àwọn ọmọdé ní à<unk>fààní láti wà nínú ọkọ̀ òfurufú méjì lẹ́ẹ̀kan náà. Kì í ṣe àwa gẹ́gẹ́ bí àgbàlagbà, nígbà tí wọ́n ń ní ìrírí ìgbésí ayé ní ìpele àìṣedéédé, wọn kò ní ojú àti pé wọ́n wà fún “Ẹ̀mí Ńlá” 24/7. Kò ṣe é ṣe láti ṣe àtìlẹyìn ìsopọ̀ yìí pẹ̀lú agbègbè ẹ̀mí, ṣùgbọ́n ó gbà wá ní ìmọ̀ àti ìtọ́jú wọn wà ní ipò yìí kí ó lè tẹ̀síwájú láti ṣe ìdàgbàsókè pẹ̀lú wọn ní gbogbo ìgbésí ayé wọn.
Awọn eniyan! Èyí jẹ́ ìpè fún ìrànlọ́wọ́ àti yàtọ̀ sí ṣíṣe ìrànlọ́wọ́ láti gbèjà àlàáfíà, ìwà ọmọlúwàbí, àti ìdúróṣinṣin ní àgbáyé nínú èyí tí a ní láti wà, a ní láti tọ́jú àwọn ọmọ wa takuntakun pàtàkì àti bí wọ́n ṣe ń ṣe àníyàn àti ìjà àgbáyé wa.
Àwọn n<unk>kan tí ó lè ṣe ìrànlọ́wọ́ ni:
Àwọn àkókò ìdákẹ́jẹ́ ní gbogbo ọjọ́
Ọkan lori ọkan igba fun idakẹjẹ akitiyan pẹlu wọn
Ṣíṣe eré pẹ̀lú playdough tí wọ́n ṣe nílé tàbí tí wọ́n ń ṣeré nínú omi tó lọ́ wọ́ọ́rọ́.
Gbígbọ́ orin tí ó dákẹ́ rọ́rọ́ ní ọ̀sán àti ní alẹ́ kí ó tó sùn
Ìjíròrò nípa àwọn n<unk>kan tí wọ́n lè rí àti ṣíṣe.
Àkókò ìkàwé ìtàn tàbí àkókò ìfọwọ́sowọ́pọ̀ pàápàá jùlọ tí o bá ṣàkíyèsí wọn kúrò nínú irúfẹ́! Isunmọ ti ara jẹ pataki! Lílo ohùn ìrọ̀rùn àti ìdánilójú ṣe pàtàkì bákan náà.
Mo gbàgbọ́ nínú kíkọ́ àwọn ọmọdé láti kojú ọgbọ́n ìfaradà. Awọn nkan bii yoga fun awọn ọmọde ati iṣaro jẹ awọn irinṣẹ igbesi aye nla.
A kò lè jẹ́ kí nǹkan rí bí wọ́n ṣe rí. Fún ohun tí a ní láti pàdánù ẹ̀dá ènìyàn wa kò lè sanwó.
I am really concerned about our children! I have always been protective about what I feel little children especially should be exposed to. Their childhood is so important and unfortunately for a limited time. Our expectations for our children can realistically be detrimental in terms of making sure these expectations are age appropriate. We have a tendency to push an agenda for their growth and development that is not in alignment with the age cognitively, physically, emotionally or spiritually. We need another approach to how we relate to our children in terms of not just what we expect from them but what we expect for them.
I have been witnessing a phenomenon in children’s behavior that has me more than just concerned but feeling like there is an urgency in addressing this behavior. I have worked with children, and on the behalf of children as an advocate and educator for more than forty years. I have never seen this kind of outburst of emotional stress and cry for help, than I am seeing and hearing now. I believe that what I am witnessing and what parents and teachers are dealing with is a visceral response to the traumatic vibration of what is transpiring on a global level. The wars, the famine, the political strife, the instability of home life and the lack of resources available to support families and people in general, is impacting the nervous system of our children. It hits every domain of their life and sets them into a sense of insecurity and anxiety. They are agitated, frustrated, and just plain angry!
This is not the world they signed up to transition to from the other plane. They deserve so much more from us. They deserve to be cuddled and kept safe. They deserve to have their childhood protected and nurtured. They don’t need to be accosted at a park by armed National Guards personnel and federal agents. This is completely out of control and there needs to be an immediate withdrawal of these actions in our cities and communities. Children feel this siege and these are events that will not be erased from their psyche! These actions and experiences will have the most negative and lifelong imprint on their life. There is one common behavior that I have witnessed and that is the pitch and tonality of their crying outburst and physical traumatic response that is sometimes even violent and completely uncontrollably consolable. They seem to have no ability to re-center themselves on their own. They feel as if they are on their own.
WE have to do better. Our children are in the mix of terror and the vibration of our emotional energetic field force is impacting the quality of their lives. Let me explain. Children have a sensorial connection to one another that is transmitted energetically and spiritually. They share in their being as sentient beings that are still connected to “Source”- “The Source” from whom they were visioned, designed, and crafted. This is a connection that goes beyond DNA! Children have the privilege of existing in two planes at one time. Unlike us as adults, while they are experiencing life in a stage of innocence, they are untainted and available to “Great Spirit” 24/7. It is not impossible for them to sustain this connection to the spiritual realm, but it takes us recognizing and nurturing them in this position so that it continues to evolve with them throughout their life.
People! This is a call for help and besides getting involved in helping to advocate for peace, civility, and stability in the world in which we have to exist, we have to take special diligent care of our children and how they are processing our global anxiety and strife.
Things that might help are:
Quiet times throughout the day
One on one times for quiet activities with them
Playing with warm homemade playdough or playing in warm water
Listening to gentle quiet music during the day and at night before bed
Conversations about things they might be seeing and processing
Story reading time or cuddle time especially if you observe they out of sorts! Physical closeness is important! Using calm and reassuring voices are important as well.
I believe in teaching children coping strategies. Things like yoga for children and meditation are great lifetime tools.
We can never let things just be as they are. for what we have to lose our humanity cannot afford.
This is where we are and this is what our children are internalizing!
This is the childhood our children deserve if they are to become strong, healthy, happy adults!
Mo mọ̀ pé ò ń retí kí n nífẹ̀ẹ́ rẹ, tọ́ ọ sọ́nà, ṣe àtìlẹ́yìn fún ọ, kí n sì bá ọ wí, pẹ̀lú ìbámu àti ìtẹ̀síwájú. Mo mọ̀ pé mo gbọ́dọ̀ tẹ̀lé ohun tí mo kéde pé ó jẹ́ òtítọ́, ìdájọ́ òdodo, ìṣòtítọ́, àti ìfẹ́ tòótọ́ fún ọ, nítorí náà wà á ṣe ìdàgbàsókè ìmọ̀lára àti ìwà rẹ.
Ibeere:
Kini o ni ipa ninu ajọṣepọ ọmọ kan?
Nígbà tí mo bá ronú nípa àjọṣepọ̀ ọmọdé, mo rí àwọn èròjà tí ó kópa nínú ìdàgbàsókè ọgbọ́n àwùjọ, gẹ́gẹ́ bí ara ohun tí à ń ṣe nígbà tí a bá ń bá ọmọdé sọ̀rọ̀. Wọn kò yàtọ̀ ṣùgbọ́n wọ́n wà ní ìdàpọ̀. Ti ibi-afẹde wa ba jẹ lati kọ awọn ọmọde bi o ṣe le ṣe agbekalẹ awọn iṣakoso inu, a gbọdọ sunmọ iṣẹ naa lati oju-iwoye ti idagbasoke eto ikẹkọ fun awọn ọmọ wa. Ronú nípa ohun tí ó kópa nígbà tí ẹnìkan bá wà nínú ìdánilẹ́kọ̀ọ́ fún ohunkóhun láti kíkọ́ ohun èlò sí kíkọ́ eré ìdárayá. Kí ni àwọn èròjà tí ó ń fúnni ní ètò ìrírí àti àyíká fún àjọṣepọ̀ kí wọ́n lè kọ́ ọgbọ́n náà kí wọ́n sì lè pa á? Ohun ti o wa si lokan fun mi ni ilana ti disciplining ọmọ mi ni pe Mo ti ṣe iṣẹ wọnyi:
Mo ní ìmọ̀lára ohun tí àwọn ìwà àti ìwà mi jẹ́ àti pé àwọn wọ̀nyí ni àwọn ìwà àti ìwà tí mo fẹ́ kí ọmọ mi gba.
Mò ń ṣe àfihàn àwọn ìwà àti ìwà wọ̀nyí nínú ìgbésí ayé ojoojúmọ́ mi.
Mo ní òye nípa ìdàgbàsókè ọmọdé mo sì lóye bí àwọn ọmọdé ṣe ń dàgbà, kẹ́kọ̀ọ́, àti àlàyé ìlànà.
Mo rii daju pe awọn ireti mi fun ọmọ mi jẹ ọjọ ori ti o yẹ ki emi má ba dahun pẹlu ibanujẹ nigbati ọmọ mi ko huwa ni ibamu si awọn ireti mi.
Mo máa ń béèrè fún ìfẹ́ àti àtìlẹ́yìn ẹbí mi láti kópa nínú àjọṣepọ̀ àti bí mo ṣe ń bá ọmọ mi sọ̀rọ̀.
Mo ní ìsopọ̀ pẹ̀lú àwùjọ ìgbàgbọ́ mi, àti àwùjọ àwùjọ, kí n lè ní àfikún àtìlẹ́yìn àti ohun èlò fún ẹbí mi.
Mo ṣe ìlérí láti ṣe àgbékalẹ̀ ìlànà ìbánisọ̀rọ̀ tí ó bá ọgbọ́n mi gẹ́gẹ́ bí àgbàlagbà mu, àti irúfẹ́ àti ìwà ọmọ mi. Mo ní ojúṣe láti kẹ́kọ̀ọ́ nípa ọmọ mi kí n lè mọ ohun tí ó dáhùn sí.
Mo rí i dájú pé mi ò gbìyànjú láti kọ́ ọmọ mi ní n<unk>kan nígbà tí inú bá bí mi tí mi ò sì ní ìṣàkóso ìmọ̀lára mi. Nigbagbogbo leti ara mi pe Emi ni agbalagba ati pe Mo n ṣiṣẹ pẹlu ọmọde kan. Mo máa ń rán ara mi létí ní gbogbo ìgbà pé ìlànà yìí jẹ́ nípa ṣíṣe àwòṣe àti kíkọ́ ìwà ènìyàn tí àwùjọ gbà.
Mi ò jẹ́ kí ara mi ṣubú sínú ìdẹkùn láti lọ́wọ́ nínú eré agbára pẹ̀lú ọmọ mi. Mo ní àṣẹ àti ojúṣe gẹ́gẹ́ bí òbí láti bá ọmọ mi wí. Mo gbọ́dọ̀ bọ̀wọ̀ fún ọmọ mi, mo sì máa retí ìbọ̀wọ̀ fún èrè. Mo rántí pé bàbá mi sọ fún wa ní ọ̀pọ̀lọpọ̀ ìgbà nígbà tí ó ń bá wa sọ̀rọ̀ pé” O kò nílò láti fẹ́ràn mi, ṣùgbọ́n o ní láti bọ̀wọ̀ fún mi”.
Mo rántí ìgbà tí àwọn òbí mi ní ìdíje pẹ̀lú wa láti rí bóyá a lè rántí “Òfin Mẹ́wàá”. Èrò ibẹ̀ ni pé tí a bá kọ́ wọn ìyẹn ni yóò jẹ́ gbogbo ohun tí a nílò nítorí pé wọ́n bo gbogbo rẹ̀. Ìyẹn dàbí ẹni pé ó rọrùn tó, àti ìyàlẹ́nu bí mo ṣe ń dàgbà tí mo sì lóye ìtumọ̀ tí ó wà lẹ́yìn àṣẹ kọ̀ọ̀kan, mo rí bí àwọn òfin náà ṣe lè fẹ̀ tó. Ìmọ̀lára àwọn òfin àti ìrètí fún ọmọdé ṣe pàtàkì. O yoo ni anfani lati ge nipasẹ ọpọlọpọ awọn misbehavior ti o ba ti nibẹ ni ibamu ati ki o tẹle nipasẹ ninu rẹ modality ti socializing ati disciplining ọmọ rẹ.
Èyí jẹ́ àyọkà kan nínú ìwé mi: “Gbígba Ẹ̀bùn Òbí: Bí a ṣe lè ṣẹ̀dá ìbáṣepọ̀ ìfẹ́ pẹ̀lú àwọn ọmọ rẹ.
I realize you are expecting me to love you, guide you, support you, and discipline you, with consistency and continuity. I realize I must follow through with what I proclaim to be truth, justice, integrity, and genuine love for you, so you will ultimately develop your own sense of conscious and values.
Question:
What is involved in socializing a child?
When I think of socializing a child, I see the elements involved in developing social skills, as being part of what we are doing when we are disciplining a child. They are not separate but intertwined. If our goal is to teach children how to develop inner controls, we must approach the task from the perspective of developing a training program for our children. Think of what is involved when someone is in training for anything from learning an instrument to learning to play sport. What are the elements that give the experience structure and a context for association so that the skill is learned and able to be executed? What comes to mind for me in the process of disciplining my child is that I have done the following work:
I have clarity of what my values and morals are and that these are the values and morals that I want my child to embrace.
I am demonstrating these values and morals in my everyday life.
I have an understanding of child development and understand how children grow, learn, and process information.
I make sure that my expectations for my child are age appropriate so that I don’t respond with frustration when my child does not behave according to my expectations.
I solicit the love and support of my family to participate in socializing and disciplining my child.
I have a connection to my faith community, and social-residential community, so that I have additional support and resources for my family.
I make a pledge to develop a communication style that fits both my skills as an adult, and the nature and character of my child. I have the responsibility of studying my child so that I know what she/he responds to.
I make sure that I never try to teach my child something when I am angry and not in control of my emotions. Constantly remind myself that I am the adult and that I’m working with a child. I constantly remind myself that this process is about modeling and teaching socially accepted human behavior.
I never allow myself to fall into the trap of engaging in a power play with my child. I have the authority and responsibility as the parent to discipline my child. I must respect my child, and I expect respect in return. I remember my father saying to us on numerous occasions when he was disciplining us that” You don’t have to like me, but you do have to respect me”.
I can remember when my parents had a contest with us to see if we could memorize the “Ten Commandments”. The idea was that if we learned them that would be all we really needed because they covered everything. That seemed easy enough, and amazingly as I got older and understood the meaning behind each commandment, I saw how expansive the rules could be. Clarity of the rules and expectations for a child are critical. You will be able to cut through a lot of misbehavior if there is consistency and follow through in your modality of socializing and disciplining your child.
This is an excerpt from my book: “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with your Children.
Being responsible and accountable for the wellbeing of our children has to be a major priority of humankind.
Being a parent is no easy job and the world we are navigating now does not make it any easier, in fact we are in the midst of a “Fire Storm” where “Spiritual Warfare” is assaulting the soul essence of humanity. We have to do some serious thinking, evaluating, and reflecting on our own personal values so that we are clear of what we are trying to teach our children. We have to arm them with values and principles that will support them in warding off anything or anyone that tries to impose their will and influence on them. We have to nurture our children’s gift of discernment so that they are able to distinguish what is good and not good for them. They need the tools to discern what is truth and what are lies. They need confidence in themselves to make choices and decision that are appropriate for who they are and what their values are.
This is a time in which we as parents need to be on high alert as to what our children are experiencing and hearing not only through media, but our conversations. They need to know that we are aware of the climate we are living in, but that we are capable of taking care of them. They need to feel our power and courage. We can’t cover every minute of our child’s life but to ensure that we are in the “know” of what is happening in their daily life experiences! The line of communication and the modality of sharing our concerns and their concerns needs to be well established and consistent. The tides of communication that we formulate with our children is a tool we need with them for “LIFE”. What it looks like from one developmental stage of their life to the next, might look different, but the “Trust” we build with them in our “Family Covenant”, must not diminish or be obstructed.
Our children need real tangible-physical and spiritual love from us. There is no way we can not only navigate and survive this chaotic world without us coming together and embracing each other-that is extended family as well- without being covered by a “Family Spiritual Covenant” built on unconditional love, compassion, respect, and mutual devotion. I know that being grounded in our relationship with “Great Spirit” gives us the strength and empowerment to live a life that allows us to be our authentic, divined, identity and purpose! We have a responsibility as parents to gift our children with knowing about and seeing us in a relationship with “Great Spirit”. It is a gift for a lifetime!
