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Tiny Tips for Moms and Dads #73 Parenting Through the Chaos-It’s a Challenge We all Have to Deal with at Some Time!

It’s the tender moments that get us through the
challenging times in parenting.

Take a deep breath, pause, assess, and then respond to the situation or challenge.  It is difficult to be “on” and sometime respond the way we would like to when we are overwhelmed and caught off guard.  It is a moment-by-moment decision making challenge when you are a parent.  You are never going to be fully prepared for some of the things that can pop up when you least expect it.  Not only do you have to handle a situation, at the same time you have to be present, calm, and collected, so that your child-children feel safe and secure.  They will need us to be in our position of authority and competence to handle any chaotic or upsetting situation or event that might come into play.  This of course can be a real balancing act and call us out to be the grounding cord for our children.  It comes with the “Job”, this responsibility to be a confident and capable parent.  Sometimes I feel like I have a cloak on, and I am a superhero saving my child from the chaos and confusion of this upside down, inside out crazy world. 

I cannot imagine how parents living in war torn countries deal with violence, death, hunger, and loss of their homes as well as any normalcy in their life experiences.  How do you comfort children under those circumstances?  How do you plan for their future when you don’t know if they will live the next day?  We as parents love our children so deeply and compassionately, that anything or anyone that causes them to be anxious or frightened stirs something inside of us that cannot be explained!  It is a call to action!  It puts us in an out of body status of being. We rise up to meet any challenge at a moment’s notice. Sometimes an intuitive feeling that comes over us that tells us “Our children need us”!  There is a very unique spiritual connection between parents and their children that when tapped into is a vibrational communication medium.  It actually works both ways I might add. 

Children are very sensitive to what is going on with their parents even if they cannot articulate what it is they know when there is something troubling them.  I love this “Love Connection”!  I use it even now that my daughter is a grown woman.  We can be in the same room or miles-sometimes as much as hundreds of miles apart, and we communicate through this “vibrational love communication medium”!  Parents have to make sure that they take care of themselves as a routine so that they are able to take care of their most precious gift-“their children”!  I hold prayer for all the parents throughout the world that are navigating parenting in today’s society.  Hold on!  Take care! Deep breaths!  Meditation in your sacred space.  Go slowly when you can and be methodical and intentional about your response to situations and challenges.  It is not the situation that marks our ability to handle things, but how we respond to the challenges of life. 

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I’m Just Sayin- Notes from Beth #71 Ingratitude Leads to a Negative Attitude Which In Turn Results in a Loss of an Evolved Higher Vibrational Altitude-Look Out! Don’t Fall for the Trap!

There is no substitution for our family relationships. There will be the challenging storms of life that surges in the winds and the waves, but ultimately, when they say “blood is thicker than water”, there is truth to this cliché, and the foundation is “unconditional love” steeped in “gratitude” and appreciation for each other clothed in mutual respect.

I have in my life experienced and witnessed the interactions and engagements of family members from all walks of life.  I have written an Early Childhood thesis for my master’s degree on children.  I have published a book on parenting. I have written lectures for teachers in training.  I am an advocate for children and families which is why family relations are so near and dear to my heart.  I love my family so much and we as a family realize that it takes a lot of work, patience, compromising, cooperation, unconditional love, grace, forgiveness, acceptance of who people are in their life expression, and an understanding that no matter how complicated any of our relationships can get, ultimately we are “FAMILY” and we have a bond that ties us to each other in an eternal dimension that nothing and no one can permeate and destroy.  There has to be honesty and accountability for the wellbeing of our family relationships.  There has to be open communication so that family members are not second guessing what someone in the family is thinking and feeling. Although we have a spiritual connection that operates on a vibrational wavelength, we still have to speak our truth and feelings honestly and openly.  The family in return has to be active and attentive listeners.  We cannot listen with already knowing perceptions and judgment of what is being felt or the experience that the family member is absorbed in.

We as family have to show appreciation and gratitude for the expressions of love and the support we give each other.  Yes, it is a given, that the very nature and design of a family unit involves being there for each other.  We were ordained when we signed up to be part of a particular family to commit fully to the tenants of familyhood.  It does not require us to lose ourselves, but by fully engaging in our family structures, we grow spiritually into who we were designed to be.  I know this is a difficult concept in many cultures, but it is not foreign in our indigenous family structures.  I dare say it is common for grandparents to be intricately involved in the raising of the children and supporting the integrity of the family.  There is a great appreciation for the wisdom and contributions of the elders.  The older the elder the more gratitude, respect and honoring is expected.  Parents are shown appreciation for not just the act of bringing a child into the world, but for all the guidance and nurturing they do in raising their children.  Parenting is a lifetime commitment and is not just tied to this physical realm.

This is a big challenge for children coming from indigenous cultures because it is a drastic contradiction of what the mainline culture holds as valuable or correct.  They believe in the “individual” exclusive of the “us or we” texture of the family structure of indigenous cultural values and construct.  This ability of “our children of color” to survive within the context, practices, and values of their birth family, is difficult and can create a “break in belonging”! 

When they step into the world as we want them to, but then fall into the trap of becoming “of the world”, they lose sight of their authentic selves and compromise the values and relationships of their “core” being which is connected to “their family”.  This does not mean that as young adults creating their own family life outside of the “core”, that they are limited to their original family values, but there are some basic values that we pray they hold on to- “Honor they mother and father all the days of their life”!  In our family structure we believe in accepting, including, and opening a space to include our children’s spouse and children into the fold.  There is always more “love” to share!  The family village expands and is enriched by the blessings of inclusion.  Now I know there are families where it might be felt that a parent is not deserving of the child’s respect, but it would have to be a huge traumatic experience that would warrant estranging themselves from the “Core”! 

I remember when my sister worked of Dept. of Social Services and at times would have to remove a child from their home.  It would amaze her that even under the worse circumstances, most children did not want to be separated from their parents.  So, for those of us that have been blessed to be born and raised in a loving-no family is perfect- family with loving and devoted parents, to express ingratitude, disrespect, and dishonoring, is one of the most painful experiences a parent can have!  It is like living in a “perpetual death void”!

 I pray for those families that have and are currently experiencing this and can only say- “Hold fast to your faith” that “this too shall pass” and that ultimately “Great Spirit” is in control and there is always a reason and a season for the challenge.  One piece of advice to you if this speaks to you-

  1. Hold a sacred space for them to return to the fold -family.
  2. Relinquish the need for judgment and consequences for the lost child’s “out of body and out of spirit” condition.
  3. Release and let go of any anger or pain because neither of these conditions leave space for healing.  Anger and pain are self-destructive, and you don’t want to hold pain. 
  4. Remember that through this experience you are loved and are love and that is what sustains your joy and peace.
  5. Hold on to the people in your family that show you the love and respect you deserve because it is important for you to live in the “present” so that you are one with the “Presence” for this is where the healing begins and ends!

I pray this Note resonates with those of you that were in need of support and ushers in a sense of “Peace”!

A smile and a hug is worth a million words!
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Tiny Tips for Moms and Dads #7 Siblings- The Bond of an Eternal Relationship that Must Wither All of Life’s Storms and Protect the Collective Memories of Joy!

As siblings we were ordained to take care of one another.
It is an eternal relationship blessed by the angels.

I really cannot begin to share with you how important the bonding development is between siblings because it is so near and dear to my heart!  I am so appreciative to my parents for the way in which they raise the five of us to have a loving and caring relationship with each other.  They taught us how vital it was to always stand up for each other when any of us are challenged with a situation or circumstances that might cause us to need the kind of support that can only come from “family”.  I know that no matter what I encounter in life, I can count on my brothers and sisters to come to my aid.  Emotionally and spiritually, I cannot tell you how powerful and grounded it has made my life.  As children we were taught that the bond between us was special and unique and that we were invincible when we came together to solve a problem or come to each other’s aid. 

We were the Galloway Clan, and we took care of each other as children and still do to this day as adults.  It is important for us as parents to instill this bond of love, respect, and allegiance among the siblings in their family unit.  It teaches children the value and importance of being a loving human being.  It teaches children the value of loving and being loved as a foundation of what to expect for in a loving relationship when they embark on dating as well as what to expect in the quality of friendships they form.  Yes, it is not the same kind of love, and we know there are many types of love, but this love that abides in our family unit sets the foundation for becoming a loving human being.

In our society today, we are engulfed in developing our species to be independent and self-sufficient and this is important!  At the same time our human design calls for us to also be interdependent with one another.  This interdependence is not an either-or choice, it is an element of our character development that should be in alignment, harmony, and balance.  We want our children to become strong, independent thinkers and doers, but at the same time we want the family unit to be built on the trust and “knowingness”, that we are intertwined in a good way with one another’s life.  Not all children have siblings, but when there is a psychological and emotional need to have that kind of relationship, they find a way to develop that relationship with perhaps a cousin or friend that is willing and open to being a suricate sibling.  A wonderful example is how my Niki decided that as an only child, her cousins-Robin-Joshua- and Leilani, were in fact her siblings.  Lucky for Niki, they love her so much they fully embraced the relationship.

There are of course children that feel perfectly fine with being the only child and they are healthy emotionally and spiritually without a sibling.  This conversation though is to bring to light that as families with children, you might think about what you want the relationship between your children to look like and feel like.  On a spiritual plane the relationship between siblings was meant to be eternal, unconditional, based on love, compassion, respect, and an intuitive language of “knowingness”.  Perhaps at another time I will share some of the things our parents did that nurtured our relationship as siblings!

Just food for thought!

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Tiny Tips for Moms and Dads #69 Home Schooling is not limited to Monday thru Friday- 8-3

Home schooling is a natural part of engaging as a family. Learning takes place in all aspects of what we do with and for our children.

Home school

I know that the privilege of being able to home school your child is not always feasible for some parents! But there are ways to intercede in your child’s learning experience and take charge of what you want your child to learn and be exposed to! There are gaps in our institutional educational system that we as families can fill in. School or learning is not confined to Monday thru Friday- 8-3! There are teachable moments that happen organically and there are opportunities for us as parents and grandparents as well as extended family and the village we create and sustain to support our children.

I have been blessed as a grandparent to participate in home schooling our grandchildren, and after 34 years of teaching children and teaching teachers in training to teach children, I get to have the honor of teaching our grandchildren to love the gift of learning! One of the most critical gaps in our educational system is not integrating the need for curriculum that is eclectic, focuses on the needs of individualized learning, and the role of social emotional develop that needs to be engrained in the overall curriculum. We have a world that is evolving in some unknown direction at warp speed! We have a responsibility to step in and slow down the life our children are being engulfed into!

They need time to discover who they are and what they are passionate about. And we need to be present for them so that as they engage with the world in and out of school, we are afforded the depth of observation that can take place in the home schooling environment! I don’t want to generalize and say that every home school program is perfection because each of us are doing it differently, but opportunities are there to invest daily in the education of their children.

Those parents that can’t or chose institutional programs must still keep these elements in the forefront of educating their children! I will confess the most difficult challenge I had as a parent was how and where to educate my Nikki! I listened to her and followed her direction. At 4 years old she told me she had to go to a school where they talked about God everyday. So she started out in the Lutheran schools and by 3rd grade she decided she wanted to go to Catholic school and did so thru her college education! It was a fit for her! You have to find the fit for your child!

P.S. I don’t know how she found out about Catholic school because we were not Catholic! But it was sooo Niki!

Ua is an influence in his sister Aoluna’s life everyday and he takes being part of her world seriously

The beauty of learning is that it is limitless and shared with this we love!

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Tiny Tips for Moms and Dads #67. Protecting Our Children’s Divine Identity!

We as parents have a responsibility to safeguard our children from losing the authentic, divine identity which is endowed with everything and their essence they need in life.

As parents we work so hard to tune into the essence of who our child is.  We want to know how they feel and how they respond to the experiences that they encounter in their childhood.  It takes careful observation, genuine engagement, and loving and supportive communication.  We have to access these traits of who our child is so that we can guide them, protect them, and nurture their “true identity”.  This is not an identity we design or construct for them.  It does not always fit in the societal norms, but after all, we model and teach our children, that although they are in the world, they are not of this world.  Their spirit is their shield that stands before the world and any challenge or situation they might encounter.  We fortify in them with the concept they are in themselves “enough”, “perfection”, and are meant to live a “purpose driven life” that they alone have command of. 

They must be taught that they have an inner voice which is their conscious that resides within them to guide their gift of “discernment”.  They must be taught that no one has the power to dictate who they are or to try to dress them in an identity that is not who they know themselves to be.  They are not a character in someone else story or a generalization from someone else’s life experience.  They are who they are, and they were created and designed in and with “pure love”.  We teach them that they are love and that they are loved-unconditionally and eternally by us their parents and their village.  They do not need other people’s validation or acceptance because they answer only to “Great Spirit”.  WE teach them about the fabric of what real love feels like and looks like so that they have a foundational base on which to love and be loved. 

I cannot begin to tell other parents how magical and unbelievable it is to be given the gift of parenthood, because it is different for every parent and might be in alignment with their own childhood experiences.  The grace in this is that each of us can chose to be by working on ourselves, the parent our child needs to be “Whole”, “Healthy”, and “Happy”.  It can be overwhelming to step out on faith and evaluate who we are being as a parent, but oh, what an amazing experience it can be once we figure out “who we are in our own divine identity”.

 I so invite you as parents and or perspective parents to read and engage in my book-

“Embracing the Gift of Parenthood-How to create a loving relationship with your child”. 

This gift of parenting is a lifetime commitment, and the journey can be life changing.

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Tiny Tips for Moms and Dads #66. What Do We Say to Our Children About This Warring World?

Our Children are our most precious gifts, and sometimes we feel helpless in protecting them from the chaos and violence of this world.

I know as a parent how I have over the years carried on my heart a feeling of concern and even sometimes fear, that I might not be able to protect my child from things that can be harmful to her in the world of so many unknowns.  It seems the expectations of what is age appropriate for children is either out of whack or non-existent all together.  We have to search our hearts and intuition to figure out what we need to do and provide our children with to support them in navigating the world safely and successfully.  We all have a responsibility of safeguarding the children in this world.  It is something that should resonate with our species naturally but unfortunately, it does not so we have to find ways to “call people” into action to prioritize children and their welfare on a global level.  Each of us must find a way to contribute to this “CALL”!

This is a little song I wrote with the support of my family that says what I am holding in my heart for children:

Have A Heart 4 Kids Today

Have a heart 4 kids today, have a heart so they don’t go astray!

Have a heart 4 kids today, for without them we would lose our way.

Have a heart, have a heart, have a heart, have a heart!

Have a heart, have a heart, for Kids today!

We must stand and lend a helping hand, united we must stand,

Protect and guide them every day, but never ever standing in their way.

Have a heart, have a heart, have a heart, have a heart!

Have a heart, have a heart, for Kids today!

No more hunger no more thirst, no more war that leaves a curse.

No child left holding pain- only our love will they gain.

Have a heart, have a heart, have a heart, have a heart!

Have a heart, have a heart, for Kids today!

They have come to help us understand, Live in love and peace throughout the land.

They know there is a master plan, and that everything is in His hands.

Have a heart, have a heart, have a heart, have a heart!

Have a heart, have a heart, for Kids today!

All our children born in love’s pure light; they have come to help us share their sight.

If we listen to their little voice, we will come to the creator’s source.

Have a heart, have a heart, have a heart, have a heart!

Have a heart, have a heart, for Kids today!

No more hunger no more thirst, no more war that leaves a curse.

No child left holding pain, only our love will they gain.

Have a heart, have a heart, have a heart, have a heart!

 Have a heart, have a heart, for Kids today!

Let each of us Stand UP! Speak UP! Show Up!

For Our Children!

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Tiny Tips for Moms and Dads #65 What are the Important Character Traits that We Want to Support Our Children Developing in their “Divine Identity”?

There are so many teaching moments if we are in the
present and engaged with our children.

I wrote a blog this week entitled “Whose Footsteps are Worthy of You Following on Your

Divine Life’s Journey?  It was a reflection on the principles that I strive to demonstrate or execute in my life. As for me I have found that the principles that Christ called us to emulate resonate with me.  These simple elements in His character are what I strive to demonstrate in my own life, and they are the principles by which I raised my child, engage with my family, friends, or strangers I encounter on my path.  I demonstrated these elements in my “purpose” career when I taught teachers to teach children and when I work in advocacy for children and parents.  The principles are simple and straight forward. 

So many times, I have people who ask me to address the current condition of how our children are interacting in the world with negative behavior that sometimes evolves into violent acts of crime and destruction.  They ask me why the children now seem to have no respect for anyone or anything.  I am giving that concern some real inner conversation and deliberation.  I see what they are referring to and I know where some of the anger and pain is coming from.  I hear my mother saying to me since childhood, “Start out the way you want to end up”!

 We as parents and caregivers lay the foundation for how our children will respond to the world and ultimately how the world will respond to them if they don’t have the social emotional development and the social graces to navigate this unforgiving world.  It is true when it is said that with children-“all eyes are on us” their parents and caregivers.  They have so many expectations for who we are to them, the family they represent, their community, and most importantly to who they are authentically to and for ourselves.  They pick up on all the nuisances of who we are and what our human limitations are.  As children, they don’t get the full picture, but they do begin to imitate what they see us do and what they hear us say.  Actually, at times it can be like looking on a mirror and that can be frightening but the reveal can be our saving grace. Every parent has to decide what character “tools” they want their child to have to honor and respect themselves and others on their “divine journey”.  These are the elements that I have tried to demonstrate that resonate with my soul expression:

  1. Compassionate
  2. In service to humanity-Selflessness
  3. Loving Unconditionally
  4. Forgiving
  5. Gentleness
  6. Patience
  7. Humble
  8. Agent of Peace
  9. Honest and Trustworthy
  10. Dependable
  11. Grateful
  12. Generous
  13. Thoughtfulness
  14. Reverence
  15. Discernment- Wisdom

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Tiny Tips for Moms and Dads #64 Separation and Divorce Can Be Traumatic for Children, But It Does Not Have to Devastate Their Well-Being If We as Parents Communicate and Have a Tangible, Congenial, Egoless, and Cooperative Plan of Action!

It is a long road to healing a family that has or is experiencing the loss of an intact family unit, but healing the parental relationship will ultimately heal the fears and grief that their children will have to navigate through.  It is not easy, but more than worthwhile and definitely critical for the social-emotional well-being of our children.

I cannot begin to share the experiences I have had as an educator dealing with the trauma and grief of children whose families have disbanded their relationship as an intact functioning unit.  I have with years of dealing with these situations realized that the healing for these children lies in the healing of the parent’s relationship.   Children need the security that their parents can in spite of them not being in a love relationship with each other, does not mean that they are not in a loving relationship with their children as their parents.  It takes a lot of maturity and what some people might see as sacrifice, to put the welfare of their children as their priority.  There are of course situations where the adults can be in an abusive and violent relationship and that takes a different kind of resolution to come to terms with that first of all their children must be safe.  In the world we live in and recognizing the fragility of the human spirit, people are having difficulty sometimes making decisions that are void of being hurtful and dangerous.  The most unfortunate part of dealing with people that have abandoned their ability to use their gift of discernment, is that so often they respond to situations and people from their irrational pain bodies. 

Taking content from my most recent book, “The Global Covenant to Protect the Sacred Lives of Children”, and I quote-

“There really is a lot of maturity and selflessness required to raising and caring for children.  Whether a parent, teacher, social worker, physician, coach, or youth worker, those of us that have decided to raise children, serve children or interact with children and youth in some respect, must understand that means we have to come to the realization, that there is sacrifice and a huge commitment involved. “

“There are characteristics that those of us that are responsible for the care, guidance, and nurturing children must have in our development.  If we attend to children lovingly and compassionately, we will teach them the beauty of love and what authentic love is and can represent in their own lives. We have an opportunity to show them how they deserve to be loved unconditionally and how expansive and rich in texture their ability to love can be.”

I know that parents want the best for their children so I know that we must be intentional about working on their behalf to do whatever we must to secure their happiness, wholeness, and feelings of being loved, honored and respected. I invite all parents and those planning to become parents to read my book-

“Embracing the Gift of Parenthood- How to Create a Loving Relationship with your Children”.  We as parents have been gifted life’s most precious treasure- a child!  To quote from this book-

“The picture of the massive scope of the life of each of us is what makes the totality of this universe the experience that it is.  Each of us plays a vital and necessary part and no one’s life is a mistake.  We have such a great opportunity to develop children that will evolve into their destiny of greatness.  We must step into our purpose as parents.  It is a timeless, demanding, creative, spontaneous, flexible, and exhausting job.  The gratitude for what we are called to do as parents comes not necessarily from our children, but more importantly, from the sense of satisfaction in being able to say, “Well done thy good and faithful servant.”   We are each called to be “servants in the service of man.” The man we serve is not only our own children, but also all the children in the world for whom we are ultimately responsible for.  The world we create with our lives directly or indirectly affects the world we create for the children of today and tomorrow.  We must wake up and get busy!”

We have been blessed!

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Tiny Tips for Moms and Dads #61 The Village is a Child’s Grounding Cord!

Children are entitled to a “village-community” that supports and guides them through their childhood and hopefully, will be an integral part of mentoring their adulthood. 
We need the voices of our elder’s wisdom to keep us grounded in loving and respecting ourselves.

Parents have an unspoken responsibility to formulate a “village-community” to interface and engage in the life of their children.  In some religious and cultural practices, parents choose what is known as “Godparents” for their children.  In some cultures, family and extended family are brought together in a traditional ritual routine to be an active part of a child’s life.  Family gatherings, and special occasions in that child’s life are shared with the family.  The child looks for those people to participate in their life.  In some cultures, the grandparents are held in high esteem and what they think and say are considered vital to the child’s development.  If there are aunts, uncles, and cousins that are active in a child’s life, these can develop into important loving relationships.

 I can remember how important my Nana Marie- my grandmother, was in my life.  I had my favorite grand aunts and grand uncles, aunts, and uncles, and most definitely favorite cousins that I am still connected to and participate in my life.  My parents designed the context and structure of these relationships for our family.  Sometimes people do not have access or the logistics to be in close relationship with family and then are called to find other people they honor and trust to be members of the “village-community” that supports the life and welfare of their children.  What is most important is for a child to have a strong and vital support system that is in alignment with the values, ethics, and moral standards of the family. Continuity and consistency is critical in the raising our children. 

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Tiny Tips for Moms and Dads#57 The Childhood Experiences that Imprint on their Psyche as Children Directly Correlates to What Their Emotional Perception of the Situation was as Children into Their Adulthood- The Context, Content, and Texture will be from What They Felt as a Child. Drama creates trauma!

It is so important for us as parents and care givers to check in and observe, our children’s behavior after they have experienced a traumatic situation or a change in their life that requires adaptation and
emotional support.

It is important for us to understand that children experience and process their life experiences from the emotional and cognitive capacity equivalent to their age. These big life experiences and adaptations make a permanent imprint on our children.  Even when we think they have processed what has impacted them in their spirit and in their mind, the imprint will surface when something triggers the memory and feeling of what they experienced.  We have to try to control and be sensitive to what we allow our children to experience.  When I say control, I mean that when we are afforded the ability to filter what is appropriate for our children to be exposed to, it is our responsibility to do so. 

Our children today have fall victim to the world of social media, limited family time, a fear of the safety in school, bullying, societal pressures of sexual identity, war, human trafficking, misinformation, homelessness, lack of good systematic health care, food deserts, economic stressors, and most important lack of play time and loss of childhood.  Wow! This is why we have to protect the sanctity of childhood and protect them from as many negative situations and experiences that we have the power to control. 

We have to practice tenderness towards our children when big situations rise up to challenge them.  We have to take on the role of protector, someone that can come to their aid and support them in processing the challenges.  Tenderness and a shield of protection that makes them feel secure and loved are the keys to supporting their emotional needs.  Little by little as they grow and develop into their own divine identities, they will have the fortitude to “Stand Up”, and “Stand on their Own”!  One thing for sure is that our children must know that they have their parents, care givers, extended family, and “village” of host of friends, that will always be there for them.

Love them! Lead them! Guide them! Protect Them! Listen to Them! Be “Present” with Them!