Intentionally Guiding Children Away from the “ME, Myself, and I” Societal Syndrome
It is important to surround our children with people, who have an ego that is in “Check”.
It is really kind of synchronistic because just this morning on social media there was a discussion from a terrorized citizen, who had an encounter with a driver who almost hit her, and his response was to laugh at her. That was offensive enough but to read the comments of some of the people on the platform degrading her and pushing the blame of the situation on her and not the driver, validated my response to the post:
There is so much rage and loss of civility in this country now, that going out of your home every day has become fear driven. Our nation has lost sight of being lawful, being courteous, being compassionate, and being patient with one another. We have evolved into a society of ME, MYSELF, and I beings and our humanity is on the verge of extinction!
We as parents and caregivers of children have a huge responsibility to be intentional about nurturing healthy development of our children’s ego. We must be intentional about demonstrating ourselves that we are human beings that are sensitive and aware of the wellbeing of other people. We have to use discernment in engaging our children with adults and children who have a similar value system that is reflected in our family.
This does not mean that they will only engage with children and adults that are kind and thoughtful, and perhaps even have similar values to your family, but remember you are intentionally formulating a village to support you and your children in nurturing and guiding the character development of your children. You want to cultivate the kind of character in your child that reflects their highest self and elicits as a result only the best relationships, opportunities, and experiences for your child. The joys of “Parenthood”!
Thank You Jim Brickman for your beautiful music that vibrates through this recording. This is a selection from his album – “Music to Quiet Your Mind and Sooth Your World”.
Bonding Siblings but Acknowledging Individual Identities-
These little guys will be bonded as loving brothers forever.
Their relationship has been solidified by the way in which their parents are modeling for them and nurturing their interactions and engagements with each other.
We as parents play a critical role in how our children interact with one another. We do by our behavior also demonstrate how to show that we love, honor and respect each other. It is a daily task to find ways of calling to their attention that as siblings they have a special relationship with each other that is different from any other relationship they will have the blessing to hold near and dear.
It means that we call to their attention when they are not being loving and caring to each other and engage them in expressing what it feels like to not be treated kindly, and what it feels like to not treat someone kindly. I believe in using their mishaps as an opportunity to reflect and talk things through. There is no other time in our human condition that we have the chance to learn “how to be human”.
We must infuse in their understanding of each other that as siblings we are attached not just because we may have the same parents or parent, but because we were gifted to each other. We must nurture them being attentive and responsive to one another. We must show them that being siblings requires being loving, patient, compassionate, and trustworthy. We must bring to light the elements of their divine identity that are similar, and what is different but unique about each other.
Can it be that what makes them different from each other is actually what complements the essence of the other? Can it be that recognizing all these elements of each child’s character -personality, is what is needed to balance and support the sibling connective relationship? Can they actually enjoy and receive the essence of their fellow sibling’s personage to the point that they unlike anyone else in their life, other than their parents, actually catch and see the authentic spirit of each other? Is it this essence that they fall in love with and what perpetuates what can be an eternal relationship?
This sibling relationship can be so divinely ethereal that at times they can communicate without words or physical presence. Parents have an opportunity to care and nurture this sibling relationship development, from the very beginning. When I say beginning, I mean from the womb. It is important for the child-children that will be gifted a sibling, begin to be part of the whole birthing experience. Daily talks to mommy’s tummy included. Talk! Read them stories! Let them see your sonograms!
Make a “Big Brother’s-Big Sister’s” plan of action. Inclusion! Inclusion! Inclusion! Guide them in being happy for each other’s accomplishments, and make sure that praise and recognition is always balanced! Do not cultivate jealousy and envy between them. Let them feel an appropriate and healthy sense of care and responsibility for each other. They have “each other’s back” in this chaotic world. Be intentional in creating situations and events that will elicit “good memories”!
P.S.
I know that this is a cultural bias, but I feel it is important for young children to share a bedroom with each other. I think my most favorite and long-lasting memories I have of my childhood is when my dad converted our attic into our bedroom. Four of the five siblings had to share that bedroom. The things we did and the adventures we had at night when we were suppose to be asleep in bed-well they were filled with mischief that bonded us as a “tight clan”!
We each had our own little corner of the room that was decorated specifically to our individual taste, but the center of the room, was our gathering point-when we were not sitting on each other’s bed or cuddling with each other through nightmares or a storm. I would not trade the “Attic” for anything! When we became teenagers, we got our own room or a room we shared. That brought things to the “brotherhood” and “sisterhood” stage. To this day, we as siblings love, honor, and respect each other. It is such a special relationship and so much so, friends say they wish they were part of our “sibling clan”!
Are They Really Picky Kids or Kids of Discernment?
Celio has a very discerning palate and is very particular about what he does and does not like! It makes him who is he-authentic living!
It is important for us as parents to acknowledge what does and does not resonant with our children. Each one, no matter how many children are in the family, will express themselves and their likes and dislikes differently and of course they will not necessarily like the same things. So take note! They seem to come with a certain essence about them that little by little is revealed in their interactions with their family, family environment, other relations, and friends.
They need to have the latitude and freedom to tell us what they like and dislike. They need the safety net that will make them feel that we are willing to give them the space and respect to be their authentic self. There is the saying, “pick your battles”, and this really applies to parenting. If we create a relationship with our children that is crafted on battling with them about everything, we will never be able to engage them in a collaborative and sustainable parent-child healthy relationship.
There will be times that we as parents have to make a choice for them when it involves their safety and wellbeing. Even then, however, it is important to talk to our children about “why”, we are making the choice we are making. I feel that this supports children in being able to utilize their innate gift of discernment when making their own important and difficult decisions. There is so much modeling of behavior in the art of parenting. Parenting it is a lot of work grounded in acute observational skills, patience, unconditional love, void of judgement, full of grace, and being gentle with ourselves, if we are to sustain this eternal relationship.
Now I want to assure you that all of our engagement with our children is not just nurturing and guiding them! There has to be a balance so that we also know how to be playful, and joy filled spirits around them! We don’t want to be heavy weighted energies around them, so that we stifle the joy, excitement, and exploration, of their sacred “childhood”! Actually, it is kind of funny to watch what they come up with in terms of their likes and dislikes. Remember, they are not “picky”, they just know what fits and resonates them.
P.S.
And why we are in the “allowing space” to make time and room for them to express their likes and dislikes-their preference- we model for them how to do so being respectful to themselves and respectful to us as their parents.
Thank You Jim Brickman for your beautiful music that vibrates through this recording. This is a selection from his album – “Music to Quiet Your Mind and Sooth Your World”.
Under normal circumstances, children have big, open, loving hearts that are receptive of engaging with other children and adults from a “heart space”!
When we have the privileged of nurturing the unconditional loving heart of a child, it is imperative that we are intentional about developing good self-esteem in our children so that to begin with, they know that they are worthy of relationships that are gentle in nature, respectful, and cognizant of who they are. Everyone is challenged at some point in their life in terms of ‘Feeling good” about themselves as they navigate through life and encounter people and situations that test our ability to ward off negativity. Our children are vulnerable as they embark on this journey of “learning life” and “learning the nature and character” of other people.
I have found in my experience with children, that making friends with other children is by far more challenging for them, then relating to adults. I don’t think, other than parents and family, that children are as concerned about their relationship with adults. Children expect us to validate them and demonstrate in both words and actions how we feel about them. Children, I really hate to say, can be “mean spirited” and even perpetrate acts of bullying on other children they feel empowered over.
It has become a crisis in this country and must be addressed seriously. We must empower our children to know who they are and deflect anything other children-even adults- might say to dehumanize them. We can’t allow anyone to steal our child-children’s joy and self-knowledge from them. We must give them the tools to combat this negative battery that might come “at” them when they least expect it. There must be clear boundaries!
So many times, I have witnessed our children, who are just “pure love” encounter other children that think it is ok to either physically or verbally attack their “Sweet Spirits”. We have given them the protocol to come directly to us or the adults in charge and “speak their truth about what they have experienced”. We have grounded them in knowing who and what they are in connection to their “divine identities”.
Ua will respond to anyone that tries to offend him or hurt him that “I am a child of God”! We did not tell him to say this, he knows it intuitively and has no fear in responding with “His truth of who he is”! I might add that it throws the other child off! They just sort of look at him and go away.
We have a responsibility to ensure that our children develop healthy loving relationships and that the children theychose to engage with are worthy of them. Remember that we are their models of how to live and be in the world, so they are mindful of who we engage with and how we are treated by other people. The commitment to worthiness begins with us!
Parenting Tips:
So, breathe deeply! Close your eyes and visualize how intricately you are connected to this life that has been brought on to this planet that has its own unique and “Divined Identity” and “Divined Purpose. May today bring you a sense of peace, joy, and moments of feeling loved and validated for who you are your journey through parenthood, and what you are not only gifting humanity, but how the life of your child is a blessing to you, and how you are a blessing to your child.
Thank You Jim Brickman for your beautiful music that vibrates through this recording. This is a selection from his album – “Music to Quiet Your Mind and Sooth Your World”.
Communication Cues- Between Parent and the Child and Family Members and the Child.
There are so many codes of communication in a family structure.
The original language and code for communicating between parent and child actually starts in the womb. It is a sacred language that is eternal and somehow no matter where the parent and child is there is communication being transmitted on a primal and intuitive vibrational wavelength. Things are felt and communicated without a word being said.
I always recommend that both parents communicate with the child during pregnancy, and that if there are siblings, they to talk to the baby that is developing in the womb as well. I know from experience that babies hear those voices and begin to develop a knowingness and connection with those special voices that reach out to them. The words we use, the tone we use, the texture of our voices, are felt and responded to.
We as family members have an opportunity to create a “family language or code” that is unique to our family. It is the language of protection. It is the language of feelings and emotions. It is the language of physical needs. It is the language of approval and acceptance. It is the language of “love”. There are different parts to this language that we use to communicate with each other. There are physical words. There are facial expressions. There is body language. There is the intuitive language that we tune into even when we are not physically present with one another.
This is the language that supports a “safe space” for children to express themselves and know that they will be heard, felt, and responded to. This language is timeless and bonds the family in ways that cannot be explained but can be felt. It offers a unique sense of security that follows us into adulthood. The words might evolve, but the overall texture and validity of its importance and relevance in our lives never diminishes. I know when my daughter is anxious or drained from the weight of her job. I can feel it without seeing her or talking to her. She knows when something is troubling me. It is embedded in our “Love language”.
Families that practice this “Love language”, have the strength to meet the challenges of this world, because they know that they are not facing anything alone! The real beauty of this practice is that as it evolves, it only becomes richer in its ability to go on a deeper more spiritual context. What I have found is that over the years as my friends have engaged in our family, they have been drawn to the way we love and care for each other. We have been able to share who we are because of how we were raised in this “Love language”.
Each family must create, design, and manifest the “Love language” that speaks to who they are and who they want to be. Every family is unique and how they communicate with each other must fit the construct of their family dynamics. It will be different for each family but just as meaningful and rewarding for those that engage in that language and commit to it. I bet if you reflect on it, you too have a special line of communication that is used in your family. Seek out the cues of communication and rejuvenate it! Besides the serious part of this, it can also be fun to have a secret sacred way to communicate and relate to each other with.
Parenting Tips:
So, breathe deeply! Close your eyes and visualize how intricately you are connected to this life that you have brought on to this planet that has its own unique and “Divined Identity” and “Divined Purpose. May today bring you a sense of peace, joy, and moments of feeling loved and validated for who you are your journey through parenthood, and what you are not only gifting humanity, but how the life of your child is a blessing to you, and how you are a blessing to your child.
Thank You Jim Brickman for your beautiful music that vibrates through this recording. This is a selection from his album – “Music to Quiet Your Mind and Sooth Your World”.
Our Children-Navigating the Impact of Social- Media in Their Daily Lives.
Our children must be protected and guided in what we expose them to in this world of technology that has infused itself into every aspect of our life.
It is such a different world for our children today. In my childhood we were not bombarded by cell phones, computers, ipads, smart televisions and oh the internet that connects us to everything and everyone across the global. This “open” platform of communication requires so much scrutiny and guidelines. Each family must make conscious and deliberate decisions for themselves as to what they will expose their children to. It is a personal decision and must be reflective of the cultural values ofeach family.
My concern is that children have to be protected from being subjected to content, people, and situations that are not appropriate and even dangerous to their wellbeing. There are so many hidden messages that can be infused in the materials that claim they are child and age appropriate. I don’t take any chances! I strongly suggest that parents view everything they allow their children to engage with beforehand. I strongly suggest that parents set up parameters of what they watch andengage with on all technological devices.
The internet must be carefully monitored with very clear guidelines of what content and how much time our children can have access to the internet. We have to start out the way we want to end up. Children must have clarity of our expectations. No mixed messages and inconsistencies with children. We are guiding children to use their own discernment in making choices with and without us. This is where we also engage in conversation on why we have made the decisions we have made on their behalf. Things must be clear and concise.
Remember- YOU ARE THE PARENT. You are the responsible adult and the love you have for your child guides your course of action in all things that have to do with your child’s wellbeing. I believe the saying that “we are in this world but not of this world” applies to how we must raise our children. We don’t hand our most precious gift over to the whims of world! We protect their innocence, curiosity, and wonderment!
P.S.
I would like to share that I recommend that we as parents and grandparents are intentional about creating balance in our children’s life. It is vital that children have a balance between time engaged in technology, academics, free play-inside and outside, and family time. Children need time to explore and experiment with their imagination and creativity and nothing ignites this like play! Pure, uninhibited, authentic, uninterrupted adult interference, Just—give them space to PLAY!!
My New Book to Be Released-End of 2026 -Beginning of 2027
“The Global Covenant to Protect the Sacred Lives of Children in a World of Technology and AI.”
Parenting Tips:
So, breathe deeply! Close your eyes and visualize how intricately you are connected to this life that you have brought on to this planet that has its own unique and “Divined Identity” and “Divined Purpose. May today bring you a sense of peace, joy, and moments of feeling loved and validated for who you are your journey through parenthood, and what you are not only gifting humanity, but how the life of your child is a blessing to you, and how you are a blessing to your child.
Thank You Jim Brickman for your beautiful music that vibrates through this recording. This is a selection from his album – “Music to Quiet Your Mind and Sooth Your World”.
We see you but we choose to ignore your existence-
This Blog is a continuation of the Blog entitled-
“Racial Disparity in the Health Care Practices for Mother’s 0f Color-Back to our Roots!”
***For translation of the text of the blog: touch the Blue Globe on the top right-hand corner.
This blog is being dedicated to my sister Lark E. Galloway-Gilliam, who spent her life advocating for health equity for communities and women of color. She worked on both a national and international level and was supported in her work by the CDC, that recognized the importance of her work. http://larkegalloway-gilliamlegacy.org/
The Beauty of Life- “WE, the collective humanity of women, see you and we will advocate for you!
I was so blessed to have witnessed the beautiful experience of my niece’s pregnancy and birthing of our Aoluna outside of the confines of so call traditional conventional medical hospital experience. Leilani chose very intentionally to have a Mid-Wife and Doula as her way of bringing her daughter into this worldly plain.
She did her research and Great Spirit brought just the most perfect person and organization to do this “Big Work” of supporting her pregnancy and childbirth experience. If you had a chance to read my previous Blog on her experience with the doctor’s office, then you know how disappointed Lei and our family was on the indifference and lack of connection and concern that was shown for her and her baby.
This was an answer to our prayers and an answer to Leilani’s intentions and conviction she had to manifest the right people and right situation that would support this highly spiritual ritualistic journey.
It is an amazing to finally feel as a Black female and mother through this experience that there are sacred spaces where we are not invisible. In our larger American culture and society, we are the “Visibly Invisible”. Our mortality as Black women and Black infants is off the chart! In this day and age, I don’t understand why our women are given such lack of concern and interest. Overall, the CDC statistics for 2024 was U.S. maternal mortality was at 17.9 per 100.000 live births while Black mothers were 44.8 deaths per 100.000, White mothers were 14.2, Hispanic mothers were 12.1 deaths, and Asian mothers were 18.1 deaths.
You would think in terms of at least the medical system there would be some allegiance to providing health care for a mother regardless of the color of her skin. There is a real problem in this country that festers in racism that is still played out. I really admire organizations like “Sugarheal Gang, which works in concert with Black Maternity Healthcare Fund. These are the organizations that showed up for Leilani and Setelo her husband to not only bring her baby safely into this world but continued to be a community of health and care for she and the baby after the birth.
Can you imagine the difference in the health and welfare of our children if they have a healthy start to grow in from the womb to birth and are not traumatized but are received within the sacred space of ritual and love.
Can you imagine what a great beginning it is for a mother to have not only the emotional support of a partner and family, but to have someone with a medical knowledge and spiritual intuition to be in relationship with as your midwife?
Our Grandmother was a Mid-Wife, and my sister Patty is a Doula. We must celebrate the strength, intuition and tenacity that a mother must have to bring life into this world. We as woman of compassionate spirits have work to do!
In Closure to this Blog I want to highlight that –
We women of color do not have to be “The Visibly Invisible”. We are visible to Great Spirit who holds the truth of who we are and how valuable and precious we are. We must empower each other to stand in our truth of who we know ourselves to be. We are manifestations of Great Spirit, in it’s origin design for humanity. We have purpose! We are divine! We represent the depths of “Mother Earth’s” spiritual intuition. We must take hold of it and use it for ourselves and ignite it in others. We must form communities of support like we had in our tribal days of old.
So, breathe deeply! Close your eyes and visualize something that brings you back into homeostasis with your soul expression. May today bring you a sense of peace, joy, and moments of feeling loved and validated for who you are and what you are gifting humanity.
Ashé! Have a Blessed Day!
**Note: These recordings are based on my blog writings, and all of this comes through Spirit. The recordings are a reflection of the writings and are not edited because I do not want to alter what is coming to me through “Great Spirit”. I am not seeking perfection, only serving as a vessel to bring love, peace, and joy, to our humanity.
Thank You, Jim Brickman for your beautiful music that vibrates through this recording. This is a selection from his album – “Music to Quiet Your Mind and Sooth Your World”.
Parenting is Team-Work and Everybody has to be on the Same Page to Avoid “Mix Messages”.
I sincerely feel that it takes a village or a tribe of trusted souls to raise our children!
I could never have been the parent I am to my child without the love and support of my loving family and friends that constitute a vital part of my “Life Community”- I had the luxury of being endowed with a “Beloved Community” that has been there for me and my child, throughout our lives. Many of these people shared my life from childhood into adulthood. It is important to surround yourself with family members and friends that have shared values that align with yours. It does not mean that every time a situation comes up where advise is needed, that everyone will have the same opinion.
Discussion and reflection must go into the task of guiding and nurturing our children. The important thing is to stand firm on the process of trying to make any decision that concerns the child or children, and that this discussion is done void of the children’s involvement until there is a united front to engage with them. Children are by their very nature not able to deal with the confusion of mixed messages from adults. Children see things in black and white. There are no shades that come with the status of being an adult and seeing the world through a crazy upside down, inside out lens that pushes things out of reason and alignment.
Children see things for what they are, and we need to respond accordingly! Children are secure when the guidepost are clear and consistent. We need to be confident in what we are saying and doing with them and for them. It does not mean that we will not make mistakes, but what children need is a united front, consistency, and follow-through. We then must have a process by which we engage with them so that we demonstrate how to reason through situations and learn how to make sound decisions.
The united front is important with children because part of their development is to test the waters with “manipulation”. We know as adults that there are situations where we are called to manipulate the elements of a situation in order to do what is in our best interest and sometimes the best interest of others, but what we don’t want to support, and nurture is a character trait of manipulation. We want them to have the skill set to evaluate when it is appropriate to intercede in a situation and influence the factors so that the outcome of whatever, is safe and ethical.
What we don’t want them to embrace and develop is the character trait of using manipulation to “get what they want” at the expense of others or what is right and ethical. It is a real balancing act in trying to ascertain when to “call them out “and guide them away from this when it becomes a “behavior” instead of a “skill”. As they get older and more age appropriately mature, we can guide them away from manipulation and into a more arbitrational skill set. There are so many other skill sets that can evolve from this life lesson.
Thank You Jim Brickman for your beautiful music that vibrates through this recording. This is a selection from his album – “Music to Quiet Your Mind and Sooth Your World”.
I plan on returning to Oxford, England to present my new book-“ The Global Covenant to Protect the Sacred Lives of Children in a World of Technology and AI”!
