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Tiny Tips for Moms and Dads #61 The Village is a Child’s Grounding Cord!

Children are entitled to a “village-community” that supports and guides them through their childhood and hopefully, will be an integral part of mentoring their adulthood. 
We need the voices of our elder’s wisdom to keep us grounded in loving and respecting ourselves.

Parents have an unspoken responsibility to formulate a “village-community” to interface and engage in the life of their children.  In some religious and cultural practices, parents choose what is known as “Godparents” for their children.  In some cultures, family and extended family are brought together in a traditional ritual routine to be an active part of a child’s life.  Family gatherings, and special occasions in that child’s life are shared with the family.  The child looks for those people to participate in their life.  In some cultures, the grandparents are held in high esteem and what they think and say are considered vital to the child’s development.  If there are aunts, uncles, and cousins that are active in a child’s life, these can develop into important loving relationships.

 I can remember how important my Nana Marie- my grandmother, was in my life.  I had my favorite grand aunts and grand uncles, aunts, and uncles, and most definitely favorite cousins that I am still connected to and participate in my life.  My parents designed the context and structure of these relationships for our family.  Sometimes people do not have access or the logistics to be in close relationship with family and then are called to find other people they honor and trust to be members of the “village-community” that supports the life and welfare of their children.  What is most important is for a child to have a strong and vital support system that is in alignment with the values, ethics, and moral standards of the family. Continuity and consistency is critical in the raising our children. 

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Tiny Tips for Moms and Dads#57 The Childhood Experiences that Imprint on their Psyche as Children Directly Correlates to What Their Emotional Perception of the Situation was as Children into Their Adulthood- The Context, Content, and Texture will be from What They Felt as a Child. Drama creates trauma!

It is so important for us as parents and care givers to check in and observe, our children’s behavior after they have experienced a traumatic situation or a change in their life that requires adaptation and
emotional support.

It is important for us to understand that children experience and process their life experiences from the emotional and cognitive capacity equivalent to their age. These big life experiences and adaptations make a permanent imprint on our children.  Even when we think they have processed what has impacted them in their spirit and in their mind, the imprint will surface when something triggers the memory and feeling of what they experienced.  We have to try to control and be sensitive to what we allow our children to experience.  When I say control, I mean that when we are afforded the ability to filter what is appropriate for our children to be exposed to, it is our responsibility to do so. 

Our children today have fall victim to the world of social media, limited family time, a fear of the safety in school, bullying, societal pressures of sexual identity, war, human trafficking, misinformation, homelessness, lack of good systematic health care, food deserts, economic stressors, and most important lack of play time and loss of childhood.  Wow! This is why we have to protect the sanctity of childhood and protect them from as many negative situations and experiences that we have the power to control. 

We have to practice tenderness towards our children when big situations rise up to challenge them.  We have to take on the role of protector, someone that can come to their aid and support them in processing the challenges.  Tenderness and a shield of protection that makes them feel secure and loved are the keys to supporting their emotional needs.  Little by little as they grow and develop into their own divine identities, they will have the fortitude to “Stand Up”, and “Stand on their Own”!  One thing for sure is that our children must know that they have their parents, care givers, extended family, and “village” of host of friends, that will always be there for them.

Love them! Lead them! Guide them! Protect Them! Listen to Them! Be “Present” with Them!

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Tiny Tips for Moms and Dads #56 There’s No Need to Yell-“We Parent from the Heart”!

Lei has such a beautiful way of communicating with her children.
It is open and receptive! It is engulfed in unconditional love!
And founded on a lot of patience!

It is such a wonderful challenge to try to figure out how to communicate with our children.  So much is involved and so much is at stake in formulating how we develop our communication relationship.  It is the foundation of how we will talk to and with our children into adulthood.  The basics of our modality of communicating must have strategies that evolve as our children grow and develop.  We always want to be truthful with them in words that are age appropriate and are in alignment with their personality and character. We have to feel the nature of our children and what they respond to and how they respond to different situations.  Every day is a day of learning who they are and even equally important, in the process we learn things about ourselves. 

Communication is a two-way operation. So much can be lost if we are not tuned into all the clues that are part of the communication designed. As we engage with our children through all their daily experiences if we are “present” in their lives, we will pick up those clues and learn how to translate them into what we are trying to express to them.  We are teaching them how to communicate not with just us and our family, but we are laying the groundwork for how they will navigate communicating in the world.  It takes a lot of practice, mistakes, misunderstanding, trial and error, but if we are conscientious, we will succeed.  Always remember that communication is not a perfect science.  There will be times that we come to a point where we get stuck in our ability to communicate with one another, but that is part of the human design. Remember to always:

Take a deep breath-

Speak in your normal natural voice- no yelling- that shuts communication down!

Listen attentively!

Reiterate what you think you heard!

Make sure you follow up with checking in with your child’s feelings behind the words!

Never open a conversation when you are in a state of anger.

Remember, you are the adult in the relationship, so you have the responsibility of taking the lead, keeping channels open and receptive, keep a balance in who speaks and always keep communication civil and respectful.

“Save the Yell for a “Safety Issue”- when your child is in a dangerous situation!”

P.S. Like when my child Niki at age two tried to investigate the mouth of a Doberman Pitcher and pried his mouth open to look inside!!!!

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Reflections on the Radio Session with Les Brown Talk Radio Show 980 AM

I really wanted to blog to you last night, but we are fine tuning our Heart4Kids theme song and the rehearsal went late into the night. I am so excited about this song and our prayer is that it will go around the world and touch everyone’s heart. We will upload it on the Website when we have the finished product. Once again I had a great time participating on the Les Brown Show. The topic he chose was “How Do You Build Self Esteem in your Children”. . He encouraged parents to call in and share what they were doing to develop self-esteem in their children. This is such an important topic so much so that in my book “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood” I thread the essence of this throughout the fabric of each chapter in different angles. It really speaks to how by loving ourselves and showing our children what that looks like, we model loving one’s self. It also speaks to showing our children that we love them and that they are worthy of being loved. I am going to come back to this discussion and go into it in a more expansive conversation. I know that this will come up in our seminar on Friday, July 22, 2011. I hope you will join us! Check into the website and RSVP (heart4kids@hotmail.com or call 310-422-0766. This is the first of the 12 part series of our seminars on “Parenting from the Heart”.

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Back by Popular Demand-Thanks to Les Brown

Are you busy on Monday, July 18th, @ 2:00 pm?
Can you get to a radio?
Can you tune in to 980 am Talk Radio?
Then please join me and Les Brown as we sit down and reflect on the beauty and challenges of “Parenting”!

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Parenting Habits that Get on my Nerves!

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Leilani takes being a mother of her three children very seriously.

A Parenting Habit that Get on My Nerves!

One of the things that really bothers me, is when a parent is crossing the street and is busy on their cell phone having a conversation and not even holding their child’s hand. I really want to jump out of my car and confront them, but instead I gently honk my horn just enough to get their attention but not frighten the child. I put an expression on my face that shouts, ” Hey! grab your child’s hands before they get killed by a car!!” We have to be present for our children! That is what it is to be a parent! It is not easy to be “on” all the time, but we have to be the “watch keepers” it’s our job! We have so little control over so much, we have to be awake and on call for the things we can be in control of. It is a lot of work and that’s why if you are going to be a parent you must realize that you are entering into a life time “Covenant” with your child.