Heart4kidsadvocacyforum's Blog

Tiny Tips for Moms and Dads#25

Bonding Siblings but Acknowledging Individual Identities-

These little guys will be bonded as loving brothers forever.

Their relationship has been solidified by the way in which their parents are modeling for them and nurturing their interactions and engagements with each other.

We as parents play a critical role in how our children interact with one another.  We do by our behavior also demonstrate how to show that we love, honor and respect each other. It is a daily task to find ways of calling to their attention that as siblings they have a special relationship with each other that is different from any other relationship they will have the blessing to hold near and dear.

It means that we call to their attention when they are not being loving and caring to each other and engage them in expressing what it feels like to not be treated kindly, and what it feels like to not treat someone kindly.  I believe in using their mishaps as an opportunity to reflect and talk things through.  There is no other time in our human condition that we have the chance to learn “how to be human”.

We must infuse in their understanding of each other that as siblings we are attached not just because we may have the same parents or parent, but because we were gifted to each other.  We must nurture them being attentive and responsive to one another.  We must show them that being siblings requires being loving, patient, compassionate, and trustworthy.  We must bring to light the elements of their divine identity that are similar, and what is different but unique about each other.

Can it be that what makes them different from each other is actually what complements the essence of the other? Can it be that recognizing all these elements of each child’s character -personality, is what is needed to balance and support the sibling connective relationship? Can they actually enjoy and receive the essence of their fellow sibling’s personage to the point that they unlike anyone else in their life, other than their parents, actually catch and see the authentic spirit of each other?  Is it this essence that they fall in love with and what perpetuates what can be an eternal relationship?

This sibling relationship can be so divinely ethereal that at times they can communicate without words or physical presence. Parents have an opportunity to care and nurture this sibling relationship development, from the very beginning.  When I say beginning, I mean from the womb.  It is important for the child-children that will be gifted a sibling, begin to be part of the whole birthing experience.  Daily talks to mommy’s tummy included.  Talk! Read them stories! Let them see your sonograms!

Make a “Big Brother’s-Big Sister’s” plan of action. Inclusion! Inclusion! Inclusion! Guide them in being happy for each other’s accomplishments, and make sure that praise and recognition is always balanced! Do not cultivate jealousy and envy between them.  Let them feel an appropriate and healthy sense of care and responsibility for each other.  They have “each other’s back” in this chaotic world. Be intentional in creating situations and events that will elicit “good memories”!

P.S.

I know that this is a cultural bias, but I feel it is important for young children to share a bedroom with each other.  I think my most favorite and long-lasting memories I have of my childhood is when my dad converted our attic into our bedroom.  Four of the five siblings had to share that bedroom.  The things we did and the adventures we had at night when we were suppose to be asleep in bed-well they were filled with mischief that bonded us as a “tight clan”!

We each had our own little corner of the room that was decorated specifically to our individual taste, but the center of the room, was our gathering point-when we were not sitting on each other’s bed or cuddling with each other through nightmares or a storm. I would not trade the “Attic” for anything!  When we became teenagers, we got our own room or a room we shared.  That brought things to the “brotherhood” and “sisterhood” stage. To this day, we as siblings love, honor, and respect each other.  It is such a special relationship and so much so, friends say they wish they were part of our “sibling clan”!

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Thank you Jim Brickman for your beautiful music that fills the spaces where we need to breathe in beauty and grace.

Tiny Tips for Moms and Dads#24 Discernment

Are They Really Picky Kids or Kids of Discernment?

Celio has a very discerning palate and is very particular about what he does and does not like!  It makes him who is he-authentic living!

It is important for us as parents to acknowledge what does and does not resonant with our children.  Each one, no matter how many children are in the family, will express themselves and their likes and dislikes differently and of course they will not necessarily like the same things.  So take note!  They seem to come with a certain essence about them that little by little is revealed in their interactions with their family, family environment, other relations, and friends.

They need to have the latitude and freedom to tell us what they like and dislike.  They need the safety net that will make them feel that we are willing to give them the space and respect to be their authentic self.  There is the saying, “pick your battles”, and this really applies to parenting.  If we create a relationship with our children that is crafted on battling with them about everything, we will never be able to engage them in a collaborative and sustainable parent-child healthy relationship.

There will be times that we as parents have to make a choice for them when it involves their safety and wellbeing.  Even then, however, it is important to talk to our children about “why”, we are making the choice we are making.  I feel that this supports children in being able to utilize their innate gift of discernment when making their own important and difficult decisions. There is so much modeling of behavior in the art of parenting.  Parenting it is a lot of work grounded in acute observational skills, patience, unconditional love, void of judgement, full of grace, and being gentle with ourselves, if we are to sustain this eternal relationship.

Now I want to assure you that all of our engagement with our children is not just nurturing and guiding them!  There has to be a balance so that we also know how to be playful, and joy filled spirits around them! We don’t want to be heavy weighted energies around them, so that we stifle the joy, excitement, and exploration, of their sacred “childhood”! Actually, it is kind of funny to watch what they come up with in terms of their likes and dislikes. Remember, they are not “picky”, they just know what fits and resonates them.

P.S.

And why we are in the “allowing space” to make time and room for them to express their likes and dislikes-their preference- we model for them how to do so being respectful to themselves and respectful to us as their parents.

Thank You Jim Brickman for your beautiful music that vibrates through this recording. This is a selection from his album – “Music to Quiet Your Mind and Sooth Your World”.

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