Heart4kidsadvocacyforum's Blog

Parents have to come up with a process that works for their family. But I would like to suggest the following:

Wow! This is probably one of the hardest parts of being a parent!  The part that calls on us to know what is good for the development and safety of our children and what is not.  It is the time in their life where we are guiding and teaching them how to make appropriate decisions.  Decisions that will enhance the quality of their life experiences.  This is not something that is done overnight, and the maturity -intellectually, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, must be taken into account as we allow them to make more and more independent decisions. No two children are the same and that is what can make it difficult to explain that what is good for one child, might not be good for another.  But as parents, we have no choice but to respond to each child individually.  In light of this dilemma, there has to be general foundational values that run thru the fabric of a family.  Children need consistency, continuity, and honesty.  They need to see a common thread of the decision process being used throughout the family members and dynamics. There has to be equality and consideration of everyone’s feelings and desires.

Parents have to come up with a process that works for their family.  But I would like to suggest the following:

1. Sometimes you will be able to say “Yes” because the request is simple and requires no in-depth analysis on your part.  You have to be grounded in what those things are if you are to respond responsibly.  Maybe even identify those things with your child so that they know that if the circumstances are right, you will most likely be able to grant their request.
2. Sometimes you will have to say “No” because you know and I bet they kind of know-that what they are asking is clearly not in their best interest and might cause them harm. You might even identify the things that hypothetically, could be dangerous, not appropriate for their age, or would have serious repercussions not just physically, but emotionally.
3. Sometimes it can be a simple “Maybe”, because it is something that you have given them permission to do before and it has proven to be a healthy, rewarding experience for them.  This is the request that is about “Timing” and making it work in consideration to everything else that is going on in the life of the “Family”.  There are the individual needs and then there is also the needs of the “Collective.
4. Then when a request gives you a little “pause”, you might just have to respond with –“Not at this time because…”.  That is the one that teaches that there is not always instant gratification and allows for the development of “Patience”, which we as adults know to be one of the most difficult character traits to develop.  What I like about this is that we have the “because”.  I really believe it is important to treat children as intelligent human beings and they deserve for us to explain why we make these judgment calls. Even in this process we are modeling how to make the “best decision”!
5. But the first thing we must do no matter what we say, even if for only a moment, is to –

Take a breath- and respond with our parental mantra for making informed decisions and say- “Let me think about it and we can talk”! Ooops- another opportunity to model patience, thoughtfulness, and love.  I would even sign this statement with a kiss.  They now know that they have your full attention and that what is transpiring in their life, is important and relevant to you.  This whole process can be empowering to children because this action entails their participation and input in the discussion that is to follow.  Next time we touch on this topic- we will contemplate on what are the driving thoughts and influences that create these requests.  It is of great importance that we survey that with our children.  It’s part of the awakening of how their world interfaces with the world we live in.

Oh, the Joys of Parenting!!