Heart4kidsadvocacyforum's Blog

Rachel Carson once said:

“If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in.”

I believe that this is a topic that All parents have to deal with.  We have to really have clarity on what it is and what it means to be a “parent”.  We all have a need to be loved and appreciated by our children.  We want them to like the person we are, and we want to have a special and sacred place in their life.  I would be lying if I said otherwise.  But the truth is that we cannot occupy both roles simultaneously!  We have our own role as parent, and we want our children to have healthy relationships with others throughout their life that can fill the role as their “Friend”. We have a different level of commitment and responsibility than friends do. 

We have the opportunity to show our children the beauty and treasure of what friendship can be in their lives.  I believe in conversation, when we are clear about what it is to be a parent, children will be able to understand the difference between what it means to be a parent and what it is to be a friend. Even though each of these relationships carry with them a huge responsibility of trust and commitment, the relationship of being a parent far outweighs that of being a friend.  Good friends are hard to find and even harder to keep.  What we experience throughout our lives is that at times we outgrow our friends and our life’s journey takes us in a different direction.  Children experience some of the same situations, and if they don’t have us to talk this through with them, sometimes it affects them negatively.  So many times, I hear adults reveal an incident that happened in their childhood with rejection from a friend that stunted their ability to trust other people. Many times, when children share these experiences, parents feel that if they ignore these little incidents, it will blow over.  Well, depending on the child’s self-esteem and parental support, some children may or may not bounce back and will take the, what might appear as rejection, personally. 

Perhaps because you are not your child’s friend, you are the one true constant in their lives.  You don’t have to tell them what they want to hear or support them in things that might not be their best interest.  Your relationship must be raw with truth and honesty. It does not mean that you are not sensitive, loving, and caring.  It does not mean that you are not respectful of their feelings.  There is that old saying, “that blood (family) is thicker than water”.  This means that we have a connection that will not allow us to reject each other.  We can argue with each other.  We can dislike each other’s actions, but we are destined to love each other.  Love is creative and most of the time we construct our own way of loving someone.  This is not that type of love.  The love we have for our children is something that must be untouchable. It is something that we have a responsibility of safeguarding from society and anyone or thing that is a destructive force against that love. A time will come when you will have to redesign what that parent child relationship might look like, but the core of your relationship is a love that is instinctual.  I go into more depth on this topic in my book- Embracing the Gift of Parenthood.

P.S.- The funny thing is that children feel more secure knowing we are their parent and not their friend.