Heart4kidsadvocacyforum's Blog

I can always hear my Mom posing the question to me or making” the remark when I had problems or issues working with a personality that I had to struggle with- “Are you equally yoked?”  It might seem to be judgmental, but it is not.  I understand it to be deeply profound and it always put me in a space of understanding and resolve, because I knew that I didn’t have to struggle to be in a relationship that was going to make me compromise my own identity, and I didn’t have to try to convince someone else to be someone they were not and redefine who they were to meet my personality or needs.  This equally yoked prerequisite for forming different kinds of relationships is helpful not just in a love relationship, but in all our relationships both personal and professional.  We have to acknowledge that not everyone has had the same life experiences that we have had and to that point we have to accept the person for who they are and at the same time decide if we have enough of a common ground on which to build a firm foundation for the relationship. 

There are going to be people that come into our life and space that we will not be able to fully communicate with.  There are going to be people that we are drawn to on a physical or surface level, but if we go any deeper into the desire to establish a “love” relationship with, we find that we do not have the elements that reflect what we need to go further.  That’s really ok! Not everybody was meant to be our “Soul mate” or partner in business, or close friend.  There are different elements that are important based on the kind of relationship, and consequently, we have to know what is needed in each type of these relationships in order to discern if we are “Equally Yoked”! 

There are at the same time some elements that need to be considered a common thread in all of our relationships in order for us to even be in relationship with one another such as: respect, integrity, compassion, honesty, loyalty, active listening, flexibility, and a willingness to value each other’s opinions.  In a love relationship the elements to being “Equally Yoked”, must also include the acknowledgment, understanding, and acceptance of the other person’s values.  It is always easier, if you have shared values when you are attempting to build a “firm” foundation on which to grow and evolve in the depth of your love for one another.  This never means that any of these relationships we engage in will not experience challenges and discord, but what it does mean is that we have channels open to resolve and work through what comes to us on this journey of “Life”! 

We have to decide from the very beginning of our relationships what we can and can not live with.  I believe strongly that people don’t change colors or textures of who they innately are.  I believe that we get caught up in the fantasy of who we want people to “show up as”!  People over time just become more of who they are and less patient and capable of camouflaging who they are.  It can only be constrained and bottled up but for so long.  If we are honest with ourselves and we really want to have loving relationships that can stand the test of time, we have to ask ourselves and those we engage with the “hard questions” at the very beginning.  Mommie always said- “Start out the way you want to end up”!!! Know who you are and use your discernment in all your relationships and strive for peace and joy!