Heart4kidsadvocacyforum's Blog

This topic is very fresh for our family right now as we process the transition -or death as some refer to it- of the Patriarch- Grandpa- in our family.  I think that it is times like this that my faith makes sense and has context.  It is not the first time I have had to deal with this experience with my own child as I tried to figure out how to explain to her that her father had transitioned.  I was very clear, as you will read in my book- Embracing the Gift of Parenthood, that giving children a faith-based context to their life was critical.  I wanted her to be able to process her life challenges with a spiritual based foundation that would support her in processing the experiences on her “Life’s Journey”.  I wanted her to know that she was supported beyond the physical world and that being in relationship with “Great Spirit”, would sustain her throughout her life and beyond. 

I introduced “Great Spirit” (Father, Son, and Spirit Divine) to my child as a “Spirit Guide” that created children, and that loves each child as His own.  Throughout her life I continued to infuse more evolved and complex understandings of how “Great Spirit” work with us and for us and that developing a friendship with “Great Spirit” was in fact the greatest and most important relationship she would have.  I not only talked the talk, but I was also intentional about letting her witness my faith, strength, and devotion to my relationship with “Great Spirit”. 

We are processing this big life’s lesson with our children and grandchildren right now, and the ability to share with them that “Grandpa did not need his physical body anymore because it was no longer supporting his life and the things he liked to do-such as surfing with them, or teaching them to golf,  that he decided that because his “Spirit” was so strong and could not only last forever, but would help him still be present with them anytime they needed him, was a real healing factor for them.  We talk to him as we go about our day and laugh about the funny things he used to say or do.  When we see a butterfly show up, out of nowhere, we tease and say, “Ok Grandpa-we know you are checking on us”.  We make it light and when they have their moments of feeling his not being fully here, we wade through the feelings with them and nurture them back into the light of joy and happiness.

I realize that everyone has a different way of feeling about death and how to process it.  I realize that not everybody has a faith-based life context.  I realize that so much is involved in our interpretation of death that is colored by faith, culture, and exposure, that there is no right or wrong way to process this perhaps the most difficult experience that a child will have to be guided through.  We as parents have the responsibility of trying to put the process together that will meet the needs, maturity, and nature, of our individual children.  I would suggest thinking about this before you have to deal with it in reality.  Realize also that even when we plan and have forethought about how to guide our children through difficult life lessons, there is always more truth and knowledge to learn and integrate into our lives.

Peace Be Still! Ashe! Ashe!