Heart4kidsadvocacyforum's Blog

We as parents play a critical role in how our children interact with one another.  We do by our behavior also demonstrate how to show that we love, honor and respect each other. It is a daily task to find ways of calling to their attention that as siblings they have a special relationship with each other that is different from any other relationship they will have the blessing to hold near and dear.  It means that we call to their attention when they are not being loving and caring to each other and engage them in expressing what it feels like to not be treated kindly, and what it feels like to not treat someone kindly.  I believe in using their mishaps as an opportunity to reflect and talk things through.  There is no other time in our human condition that we have the chance to learn “how to be human”. 

We must infuse in their understanding of each other that as siblings we are attached not just because we may have the same parents or parent, but because we were gifted to each other.  We must nurture them being attentive and responsive to one another.  We must show them that being siblings requires being loving, patient, compassionate, and trustworthy.  We must bring to light the elements of their divine identity that are similar, and what is different but unique about each other.  Can it be that what makes them different from each other is actually what complements the essence of the other? Can it be that recognizing all these elements of each child’s character -personality, is what is needed to balance and support the sibling connective relationship?  Can they actually enjoy and receive the essence of their fellow sibling’s personage to the point that they unlike anyone else in their life, other than their parents, actually catch and see the authentic spirit of each other?  Is it this essence that they fall in love with and what perpetuates what can be an eternal relationship?  This sibling relationship can be so divinely ethereal that at times they can communicate without words or physical presence. 

Parents have an opportunity to care and nurture this sibling relationship development, from the very beginning.  When I say beginning, I mean from the womb.  It is important for the child-children that will be gifted a sibling, begin to be part of the whole birthing experience.  Daily talks to mommy’s tummy included.  Talk! Read them stories! Let them see your sonograms! Make a “Big Brother’s-Big Sister’s” plan of action. Inclusion! Inclusion! Inclusion! Guide them in being happy for each other’s accomplishments, and make sure that praise and recognition is always balanced! Do not cultivate jealousy and envy between them.  Let them feel an appropriate and healthy sense of care and responsibility for each other.  They have “each other’s back” in this chaotic world. Be intentional in creating situations and events that will elicit “good memories”!

P.S.

I know that this is a cultural bias, but I feel it is important for young children to share a bedroom with each other.  I think my most favorite and long-lasting memories I have of my childhood is when my dad converted our attic into our bedroom.  Four of the five siblings had to share that bedroom.  The things we did and the adventures we had at night when we were suppose to be asleep in bed-well they were filled with mischief that bonded us as a “tight clan”! We each had our own little corner of the room that was decorated specifically to our individual taste, but the center of the room, was our gathering point-when we were not sitting on each other’s bed or cuddling with each other through nightmares or a storm. I would not trade the “Attic” for anything!  When we became teenagers, we got our own room or a room we shared.  That brought things to the “brotherhood” and “sisterhood” stage. To this day, we as siblings love, honor, and respect each other.  It is such a special relationship and so much so, friends say they wish they were part of our “sibling clan”!