Heart4kidsadvocacyforum's Blog

It is absolutely amazing to witness our children mastering this life skill.  I kind of chuckle every time a little one test the waters with first the adults in their life.  It is amusing to see them try to negotiate with us and think that we have no clue as to what they are trying to accomplish.  Once they are grounded with thinking they have mastered this important life skill, they venture into experimenting with it on others-siblings, grandparents, teachers, and playmates. 

It is almost like a “rite of passage” when they find themselves able to negotiate and navigate their wants, desires, and ideas so that others comply and support them.  It is empowering! It is validating! It makes them feel confident.  I know that you probably feel there is a thin line between being able to negotiate and to manipulate.  Of course, the behavioral trait that we are trying to cultivate in them and for them is not manipulation but the skill of negotiating which will not only support the development of their social skills, but their communication skills. 

We are guiding them and modeling for them how to use the skill of negating in an appropriate and beneficial way.  It also needs to teach them the “give and take” of negotiating.  They have to come to the understanding that sometimes they will have their way with things and sometimes they will have to surrender to the wants and needs of others. This idea of “give and take” is a huge lesson throughout our lives.  There has to be a balance in this negotiating process! We have to make sure that our children are able to know when it is appropriate to “give and take”!  Sometimes a child will succumb to the will of others all the time and lose their energetic empowerment to defend their right to be heard and given a chance to express their ideas and opinions.  It is amazing how children learn so quickly which children to take advantage of.  We have to make sure that we are in the business of validating and supporting our children in developing good self-esteem dressed in the ability to be humble but not over run in their relationships.  Oh boy! Another balancing act!!!