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Chapter 11

The Eternal Relationship

Children are the greatest gift to humanity.

Today I am going to share an excerpt of Chapter 11 of my book- “Embracing the Gift of Parenthood: How to Create a Loving Relationship with Your Children”.

Available: Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well as Xlibris.

This is just a taste of the chapter!

Remember

“This was the time of the eye of the quiet storm of young adulthood and teenage mania.  Everyone in the family must not only survive, but actually thrive!”!

In our household the constant that never changed that we could count on grounding us was-

“Our parents had such patience dealing with us as teenagers in full expression.  The one constant was that the rules and standards of our home never changed.  You just were expected to assume more responsibility for your actions.”

Chapter Eleven

The Eternal Relationship

I Realize

I realize our love for each other will last beyond this life time and the next and what we build with each other today will last forever. 

Quotes: Garrison Keillor once said: “Nothing you do for (your) children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.”   Hodding Carter once said: “There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots; the other, wings.” Kahil Gibran once said: “Your children are not your children.  They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.”

Question:

What are the elements of life that you can co-create as parent with your child that will last in your souls throughout eternity?

As the young people say “I am so dealing with this issue right now.”  I’m observing, from what seems to be the outside, my daughter’s life as a young woman, and searching for those key elements that have bonded us together all of her life.  I’m trying to figure out how I fit into the equation of her life and life style choices.  It is a position that all parents have to face at some point.  Believe me when I say that how we deal with our children whether they are nine or twenty- nine is colored by many factors.  I have created a simple list for you so that later you can identify where you fit into the scheme of things. Coming from a personal frame of reference, these are the factors that seem to affect and influenced the decisions and reactions to ever-evolving parenting skills:

• Gender
• Race/ ethnicity
• Culture/ unspoken codes/ voices of the Elders
• Religion/ Spiritual intuitive gifts
• Class
• Education
• Ethics
• Political Views
• How my parents raised me
• My own character and personality
• Societal Exposure
• My Destiny Call

          I warned you that this parenting journey was not simple.  There is a whole lot going on in our heads and hearts as we venture through the maze of “parenthood”.  I don’t even think we take the time to reflect on why we do and say the things we do and say.  So much of what happens in our relationship with our children and in the day-to-day operation of managing our family life and our professions have been done out of a “reactionary stance”, rather than a “thought through process”.  So many times as children come at us with “the stuff” in their life, and we have to think on our feet.  This means if we are not with it at the time, we probably will not get the results that we want and that they need from us.  I don’t care what anybody says, this parenting journey involves a lot of hit and miss and trial and error.  It is part of who we are in our so-called “human condition”.  You do not have to be perfect, and I am glad that “Great Spirit” does not require it of us.  “Great Spirit” does however require that we be the best parents that we can. 

It is the sincere effort that “Great Spirit” is looking for and that our children deserve from us.  I know that we are up to the challenge.

Looking back on my journey as a parent, I know that I have given it my all.  I have tried to be a constant in my child’s journey through life.  I know that I have made personal sacrifices, but I don’t have any regrets because her welfare was my first priority.  When her father was killed, I made a commitment that I would never let anyone come into my life that would be a distraction from my responsibilities as a parent.  I’m not saying that I think others should do this, but I am saying that when you become a parent you must make a commitment that you will not neglect your responsibilities of parenting your child.  I have seen so many children put to the side because the priorities of the parent was to make another man or woman their number one relationship.  Well, my attitude, I must confess, is that these relationships may come and go, but your relationship with your child goes beyond the veil.  Some people feel that your children grow up and leave you and if you have given them all of yourself, one day you will be left all alone. I know for some people this might feel like a form of abandonment.  Yes, our children do grow up and leave us, some sooner than others, but in many cultures and societies, this is not only expected but required. 

          I once again believe in balance.  I think if we let the adult partner know from the beginning how important our children are to us, and we observe their reactions to our parenting style, we will know if this is going to be a relationship that is good for everyone involved.  Mommy always said, “Start out the way you want to end up.”  Don’t you just love all these “Mommy always said truths” in this book? It makes a lot of sense and if we are honest with ourselves and we are truly about the interest of our children and the welfare of our families, we know intuitively if the other person in the relationship is good for us or not.  It requires for us to be “awake” and not “asleep” in our life.  So if in fact it is true that our relationship with our children is a sort of everlasting connection, how do we put this into the context of how we develop, nurture and preserve the elements of our relationship that carries us through the thick and the thin, through the good and the bad, through their childhood and adulthood, and through this life and the next? 

First, we have to identify what these elements are in our relationship with each other and then we have to figure out how we do it, and finally how we preserve these elements.

Question:

What are the elements in a parent –child relationship that will withstand the hands of time?

 Is it any more obvious that I can’t leave my teaching tools out of every aspect of my being?  Thanks for your patience in this process!!  Well, o.k. here is my list and of course you will have an opportunity to create your own.

Eternal elements of a Parent –Child Relationship are:

• Unconditional love
• Love that is unconditional
• Loving with no strings attached
• Loving in spite of
• Love that has no degrees of separation
• Love that is manifested in a sacred heart space
• Loving that will endure sacrifice
• Loving enough to give them life
• Loving enough to give your life
• Loving being a part of who they are
• Loving to be able to love them and knowing that they love you in return
• LOVE –just pure love

Question:

Can you see how these elements of the Parent-Child Relationship are critical in building a foundation that is eternal?