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Isahluko 11

Ulwalamano olungunaphakade

Abantwana sesona sipho sikhulu kuluntu.

Namhlanje ndiza kwabelana ngesicatshulwa seSahluko se-11 sencwadi yam- “Ukwamkela isipho sokuba ngumzali: Indlela yokwakha ubudlelwane bothando nabantwana bakho”.

Iyafumaneka: IAmazon kunye neBarnes kunye neNoble kunye neXlibris.

Le yinkcazo nje yesahluko!

Khumbula

“Eli yayilixesha leso lesaqhwithi esithe cwaka sabantu abadala kunye ne-mania yolutsha.  Wonke umntu osapho akafanele aphile nje kuphela, kodwa aphumelele! “

Endlwini yethu rhoqo engazange itshintshe ukuba sinokuthembela ekubambeni isiseko sasi-

“Abazali bethu babenomonde wokusiphatha njengabantwana abakwishumi elivisayo.  Eyona nto iphambili kukuba imigaqo nemigaqo yekhaya lethu ayizange itshintshe.  Kulindeleke ukuba uthathe uxanduva olongezelelweyo ngezenzo zakho. “

Isahluko seshumi elinanye

Ulwalamano olungunaphakade

chrum kwik

Ndiyaqonda ukuba uthando lwethu omnye nomnye luya kuhlala ngaphaya kobu bomi kunye nobu bomi bulandelayo kwaye into esiyakhayo kunye nomnye namhlanje iya kuhlala ngonaphakade. 

Iingcaphuno:

UGarrison Keillor wakha wathi:

“Akukho nto uyenzayo kubantwana bakho iya kulahleka. Kubonakala ngathi abasiqapheli, bejikeleza, bevala amehlo ethu, kwaye kunqabile ukuba babulele, kodwa into esibenzela yona ayilahleki. “

UHodding Carter wakha wathi:

“Zimbini kuphela izinto ezihlala ixesha elide esinethemba lokuzinika abantwana bethu. Enye yingcambu; Enye, amaphiko. “

Kahil Gibran wakha wathi:

“Abantwana bakho abayi kuba ngabantwana bakho.  Bangoonyana neentombi zobomi.

Umbuzo:

Ziziphi izinto zobomi onokuzidala njengomzali kunye nomntwana wakho eziya kuhlala emiphefumlweni yakho ngonaphakade?

Njengoko ulutsha luthi, “Ndijongene nale ngxaki ngoku.”  Ndijonga, ukusuka kwinto ebonakala ngathi ngaphandle, ubomi bentombi yam njengebhinqa eliselula, kwaye ndikhangela ezo zinto ziphambili ezisidibanise ubomi bakhe bonke.  Ndizama ukufumanisa ukuba ndingena njani kwi-equation yobomi bakhe kunye nendlela yokuphila.  Le yimeko ekufuneka bonke abazali bajamelane nayo ngaxa lithile.  Ndikholelwe, xa ndisithi indlela esiphatha ngayo abantwana bethu, nokuba baneminyaka elithoba okanye engamashumi amabini anesithoba, ixhomekeke kwizinto ezininzi.  Ndenze uluhlu olulula kuwe ukuze kamva ukwazi ukubona apho ungena khona kwisikimu sezinto. Ukusuka kwisakhelo sobuqu sokubhekisela, ezi zizinto ezibonakala zichaphazela kwaye zichaphazela izigqibo kunye neempendulo kwizakhono zobuzali eziguqukayo:

• Isini
• Ubuhlanga / ubuhlanga
• Inkcubeko / iikhowudi ezingathethekiyo / amazwi abadala
• Inkolo / Izipho zokomoya ezibonakalayo
• Iklasi
• Imfundo
• Ukuziphatha
• Izimvo zezopolitiko
• Indlela Abazali Bam Abandikhulisa Ngayo
• Ubuntu bam kunye nobuntu bam
• Ukubonakaliswa koluntu
• kwik kwik

          Ndikulumkisile ukuba olu hambo lwabazali aluzange lube lula.  Kuninzi okwenzekayo entlokweni nasezintliziyweni zethu njengoko sihamba nge-maze “yokuba ngumzali”.  Andiqondi ukuba sithatha ixesha lokucinga ukuba kutheni sisenza kwaye sithethe izinto esizenzayo nezithethayo.  Uninzi lwento eyenzekayo kubudlelwane bethu nabantwana bethu nakwimisebenzi yemihla ngemihla yokulawula ubomi bethu bosapho kunye nemisebenzi yethu yenziwe “ngesimo sokuphendula”, endaweni “yenkqubo yokucinga”.  Amaxesha amaninzi abantwana beza kuthi “nezinto” ebomini babo, kwaye kufuneka sicinge ngeenyawo zethu.  Oku kuthetha ukuba asikho nayo ngelo xesha, mhlawumbi asiyi kufumana iziphumo esizifunayo kwaye zifuna kuthi.  Andikhathali ukuba uthini nabani na, olu hambo lokuba ngumzali lubandakanya ukubetha okuninzi kunye nokuphoswa kunye nokulinga kunye nempazamo.  Yinxalenye yokuba singoobani kwinto ebizwa ngokuba “yimeko yomntu”.  Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ugqibelele, kwaye ndiyavuya ukuba “uMoya omkhulu” awuyidingi kuthi.  “Umoya omkhulu” ufuna ukuba sibe ngabazali abangcono kangangoko sinako. 

Ngumzamo onyanisekileyo “uMoya omkhulu” ofunwa kwaye abantwana bethu bafanelwe kuthi.  Ndiyazi ukuba sikulungele ukujongana nomceli mngeni.

Xa ndijonga emva kuhambo lwam njengomzali, ndiyazi ukuba ndinike yonke into yam.  Ndizamile ukuba ngumntu oqhubekayo kuhambo lomntwana wam ebomini bam.  Ndiyazi ukuba ndenze imibingelelo yobuqu, kodwa andizisoli kuba intlalontle yakhe yayiyeyona nto iphambili kum.  Xa utata wakhe wabulawa, ndazibophelela ukuba andisoze ndivumele nabani na angene ebomini bam eya kuba sisiphazamiso kwiimbopheleleko zam njengomzali. 

Anditsho ukuba ndicinga ukuba abanye kufuneka benze oku, kodwa nditsho ukuba xa uba ngumzali kufuneka wenze isibophelelo sokuba awuyi kutyeshela uxanduva lwakho lokukhulisa umntwana wakho.  Ndibone abantwana abaninzi bebekwa ecaleni kuba izinto eziphambili zomzali yayikukwenza enye indoda okanye ibhinqa ibe nolwalamano lwabo lokuqala.  Ewe, isimo sengqondo sam, ndimele ndivume, kukuba olu lwalamano lunokuza kwaye luhambe, kodwa ulwalamano lwakho nomntwana wakho luya ngaphaya kwesigqubuthelo.  Abanye abantu bavakalelwa kukuba abantwana bakho bayakhula kwaye bakushiye kwaye ukuba ubanike konke, ngenye imini uya kushiywa wedwa. Ndiyazi ukuba kwabanye abantu, oku kunokuziva ngathi luhlobo lokushiya.  Ewe, abantwana bethu bayakhula baze basishiye, abanye bakhawuleza kunezinye, kodwa kwiinkcubeko ezininzi kunye noluntu, oku akulindelekanga kuphela kodwa kuyimfuneko. 

          Ndikholelwa kwakhona kulungelelwaniso.  Ndicinga ukuba ukuba sazisa iqabane elidala kwasekuqaleni ukuba kubaluleke kangakanani abantwana bethu kuthi, kwaye siqwalasele indlela abasabela ngayo kwisitayile sethu sobuzali, siya kwazi ukuba oku kuya kuba lubudlelwane obuhle kuye wonke umntu obandakanyekayo.  Umama wayesoloko esithi, “Qala ngendlela ofuna ukuyigqiba.”  Ngaba awuyithandi yonke le “Umama uhlala ethetha inyaniso” kule ncwadi? Yenza ingqiqo eninzi kwaye ukuba sinyanisekile ngokwethu kwaye ngokwenene malunga nomdla wabantwana bethu kunye nentlalontle yeentsapho zethu, siyazi intuitively ukuba omnye umntu kubudlelwane ulungile kuthi okanye hayi.  Kufuneka sihlale ‘siphaphile’ kwaye singalali ebomini bethu.  Ke ukuba enyanisweni kuyinyani ukuba ubudlelwane bethu nabantwana bethu luhlobo lonxibelelwano olungunaphakade, siyibeka njani le nto kwimeko yendlela esiphuhlisayo, sikhulisa kwaye silondoloze ngayo izinto zobudlelwane bethu ezisithwala kubungqindilili nobuncinci, ngokulungileyo nokubi, ebuntwaneni babo nasebudaleni,  Yaye ngobomi obulandelayo kunye nobu bomi? 

Okokuqala, kufuneka sichonge ukuba zeziphi ezi zinto kubudlelwane bethu kunye nomnye kwaye emva koko kufuneka sibone ukuba siyenza njani, kwaye ekugqibeleni sizigcina njani ezi zinto.

Umbuzo:

Ziziphi izinto kubudlelwane bomzali nomntwana eziza kumelana nezandla zexesha?

 Ngaba kucacile ukuba andikwazi ukushiya izixhobo zam zokufundisa kuzo zonke iinkalo zobuntu bam?  Enkosi ngomonde wakho kule nkqubo !!  Ewe, nalu uluhlu lwam kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo uya kuba nethuba lokudala eyakho.

Izinto ezingunaphakade zobudlelwane bomzali noMntwana zezi:

• Uthando olungenamiqathango
• Uthando olungenamiqathango
• Uthando olungenanto, ngaphandle kwento eqhotyoshelweyo
• Thando Tshabalala
• Uthando olungenalo amanqanaba okwahlukana
• Uthando olubonakaliswa kwindawo yentliziyo engcwele
• Uthando oluya kunyamezela ukuzincama
• Uthando lwanele lokubanika ubomi
• Uthando lwanele ukunikela ngobomi bakho
• Uthando lokuba yinxalenye yomntu oyiyo
• Uyakuthanda kwaye uyazi ukuba uyakuthanda
• UTHANDO – uthando nje olucocekileyo

Umbuzo:

Ngaba uyabona ukuba ezi zinto zobudlelwane bomzali nomntwana zibaluleke kangakanani ekwakheni isiseko esingunaphakade?