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Isahluko 11

Ubudlelwano obungunaphakade

Izingane ziyisipho esikhulu kunazo zonke esintwini.

Namuhla ngizokwabelana ngesiqephu seSahluko 11 sencwadi yami- “Ukwamukela Isipho Sokuba Ngumzali: Indlela Yokwakha Ubudlelwano Obunothando Nezingane Zakho”.

Iyatholakala: I-Amazon neBarnes neNoble kanye neXlibris.

Lokhu kumane nje kungukunambitheka kwesahluko!

Khumbula

“Lesi kwakuyisikhathi seso lesiphepho esithulile sabantu abadala abasha kanye ne-mania yentsha.  Wonke umuntu emndenini akufanele asinde nje kuphela, kodwa aphumelele!”

Ekhaya lethu njalo okungakaze kushintshe ukuthi singathembela ekusekeleni kwethu kwakuyi-

“Abazali bethu babenesineke kakhulu ngokusiphatha njengabantu abasha ngokugcwele.  Into esemqoka ukuthi imithetho nezindinganiso zasekhaya azikaze zishintshe.  Kulindeleke ukuthi uthathe umthwalo wemfanelo owengeziwe ngezenzo zakho. “

Isahluko seshumi nanye

Ubudlelwano obungunaphakade

Ngiyabona

Ngiyabona ukuthi uthando lwethu ngomunye nomunye luzohlala ngaphezu kwalokhu kuphila nokuphila okulandelayo futhi lokho esikwakhayo nomunye namuhla kuzohlala kuze kube phakade. 

Izingcaphuno:

UGarrison Keillor wake wathi:

“Akukho lutho olwenzela izingane zakho olungalokothi lulahleke. Babonakala bengasiqapheli, bezulazula, bevimbela amehlo ethu, futhi akuvamile ukubonga, kodwa lokho esibenzela khona akukaze kulahleke.

UHodding Carter wake wathi:

“Kukhona amafa amabili kuphela esingalindela ukuwanika izingane zethu. Enye izimpande; Enye, amaphiko. “

Kahil Gibran wake wathi:

“Izingane zakho akuzona izingane zakho.  Bangamadodana namadodakazi okulangazelela ukuphila. “

Umbuzo:

Yiziphi izici zokuphila ongazenza njengomzali nengane yakho ezizohlala emiphefumulweni yakho kuze kube phakade?

Njengoba intsha isho, “Ngibhekana kakhulu nalolu daba njengamanje.”  Ngibheka, kusuka kulokho okubonakala sengathi kungaphandle, impilo yendodakazi yami njengowesifazane osemncane, futhi ngifuna lezo zinto ezibalulekile ezisihlanganise ndawonye impilo yayo yonke.  Ngizama ukuthola ukuthi ngingena kanjani ku-equation yempilo yakhe nezinqumo zakhe zokuphila.  Lesi yisimo bonke abazali okufanele babhekane naso ngesinye isikhathi.  Ngikholwe lapho ngithi indlela esiphatha ngayo izingane zethu noma ngabe zineminyaka eyisishiyagalolunye noma engamashumi amabili nesishiyagalolunye zinemibala eminingi.  Ngikwenzele uhlu olulula ukuze kamuva ukwazi ukubona ukuthi ungena kuphi ohlelweni lwezinto. Kusuka kuhlaka lomuntu siqu, lezi yizinto ezibonakala zithinta futhi zithonya izinqumo nokusabela kumakhono okuba ngumzali aguquka njalo:

• Ubulili
• Ubuhlanga / ubuhlanga
• Amasiko / amakhodi angakhulunywanga / amazwi abadala
• Inkolo / Izipho ezingokomoya ezinembile
• Isigaba
• Imfundo
• Ukuziphatha
• Imibono yezombusazwe
• Indlela abazali bami abangikhulisa ngayo
• Ubuntu bami nobuntu bami
• Ukuvezwa Komphakathi
• Ucingo Lwami Lokudalelwa

          Ngikuxwayise ukuthi lolu hambo lokuba ngumzali belungelula.  Kuningi okwenzekayo emakhanda nasezinhliziyweni zethu njengoba sihamba nge-maze “yokuba ngumzali”.  Angicabangi ukuthi sizinika isikhathi sokucabanga ngokuthi kungani senza futhi sisho izinto esizenzayo nezishoyo.  Okuningi okwenzekayo ebuhlotsheni bethu nezingane zethu nasemsebenzini wansuku zonke wokuphatha impilo yethu yomndeni kanye nemisebenzi yethu kwenziwe “ngesimo sokuphendula”, kunokuba “inqubo yokucabanga”.  Izikhathi eziningi lapho izingane zifika kithi “nezinto” ezimpilweni zabo, futhi kufanele sicabange ngezinyawo zethu.  Lokhu kusho ukuthi uma singekho ngaleso sikhathi, cishe ngeke sithole imiphumela esiyifunayo futhi abayidingayo kithi.  Angikhathali ukuthi othile uthini, lolu hambo lokuba ngumzali lubandakanya ukushaya okuningi nokulahleka nokuvivinywa nephutha.  Kuyingxenye yokuthi singobani kulokho okubizwa ngokuthi “isimo somuntu”.  Akudingeki ukuthi uphelele, futhi ngiyajabula ukuthi “uMoya Omkhulu” awudingi kithi.  “UMoya Omkhulu” kudinga ukuthi sibe ngabazali abahle kakhulu esingakwazi ukukwenza. 

Umzamo oqotho “uMoya Omkhulu” ufuna nokuthi izingane zethu zifanelwe kithi.  Ngiyazi ukuthi sibhekene nale nselele.

Uma ngibheka emuva ohambweni lwami njengomzali, ngiyazi ukuthi nginikeze konke.  Ngazama ukuba ngumuntu oqhubekayo ohambweni lwengane yami ekuphileni.  Ngiyazi ukuthi ngizidele kodwa angizisoli ngoba inhlalakahle yakhe bekuyinto ebaluleke kakhulu kimi.  Lapho ubaba wakhe ebulawa, ngenza isithembiso sokuthi angisoze ngavumela noma ngubani angene empilweni yami okuzoba yisiphazamiso emithwalweni yami njengomzali. 

Angisho ukuthi ngicabanga ukuthi abanye kufanele benze lokhu, kodwa ngithi uma uba ngumzali kufanele uzibophezele ukuthi ngeke uzishaye indiva imithwalo yakho yokukhulisa ingane yakho.  Ngibone izingane eziningi zibekwa eceleni ngoba izinto eziza kuqala zomzali kwakuwukwenza omunye umuntu owesilisa noma owesifazane ubudlelwano babo bokuqala.  Isimo sengqondo sami, kufanele ngivume, ukuthi lobu budlelwano bungafika futhi buhambe, kepha ubudlelwano bakho nengane yakho budlula umgubuzelo.  Abanye abantu banomuzwa wokuthi izingane zakho ziyakhula futhi zikushiye futhi uma uzinikeze konke, ngelinye ilanga uzosala wedwa. Ngiyazi ukuthi kwabanye abantu, lokhu kungase kubonakale kuyindlela yokushiya.  Yebo, izingane zethu ziyakhula futhi zisishiye, ezinye ngokushesha kunezinye, kodwa emasikweni amaningi nasemphakathini, lokhu akulindelwe kuphela kodwa kuyadingeka. 

          Ngiphinde ngikholelwe ekulinganiseni.  Ngicabanga ukuthi uma sazisa umlingani omdala kusukela ekuqaleni ukuthi izingane zethu zibaluleke kangakanani kithi, futhi sibone ukusabela kwazo ngesitayela sethu sokuba ngumzali, sizokwazi ukuthi ngabe lokhu kuzoba ubudlelwano obuhle kubo bonke abathintekayo.  Umama wayehlale ethi, “Qala ngendlela ofuna ukuqeda ngayo.”  Awuthandi yini wonke la maqiniso athi “Umama uhlala esho amaqiniso” kule ncwadi? Kwenza umqondo omkhulu futhi uma sithembekile kithi futhi simayelana nentshisekelo yezingane zethu nenhlalakahle yemindeni yethu, siyazi intuitively ukuthi omunye umuntu ebuhlotsheni ulungile kithi noma cha.  Kudinga ukuthi ‘siphapheme’ hhayi ‘ukulala’ ekuphileni kwethu.  Ngakho-ke uma empeleni kuyiqiniso ukuthi ubudlelwano bethu nezingane zethu buwuhlobo lokuxhumana okuphakade, sikubeka kanjani lokhu kumongo wokuthi sithuthukisa kanjani, sikhulise futhi silondoloze kanjani izakhi zobudlelwano bethu ezisithwala ngokujiya nokuncipha, ngokusebenzisa okuhle nokubi, ebuntwaneni nasebukhulini,  Futhi ngalokhu kuphila nangemva kwalokho? 

Okokuqala, kufanele sikhombe ukuthi yiziphi lezi zinto ebuhlotsheni bethu nomunye bese kufanele sithole ukuthi sikwenza kanjani, futhi ekugcineni ukuthi sizilondoloza kanjani lezi zinto.

Umbuzo:

Yiziphi izinto ebuhlotsheni bomzali nengane ezizomelana nezandla zesikhathi?

 Ngabe kucace kakhudlwana ukuthi angikwazi ukushiya amathuluzi ami okufundisa kuzo zonke izici zobuntu Bami?  Siyabonga ngokubekezela kwakho kule nqubo !!  Yebo, nalu uhlu lwami futhi ngokuqinisekile uzoba nethuba lokwakha elakho.

Izakhi zaphakade zobudlelwano bomzali nengane yilezi:

• Uthando olungenamibandela
• Thando Ngcobo
• Uthando olungenalutho olunamathiselwe
• Thando Naphezu Kweqiniso
• Uthando olungenawo amazinga okuhlukaniswa
• Uthando olubonakaliswa esikhaleni senhliziyo engcwele
• Uthando oluyokhuthazelela ukuzidela
• Uthando Lwanele Lokubanika Ukuphila
• Uthando Lwanele Ukunikela Ukuphila Kwakho
• Uthando lokuba yingxenye yalokho abayikho
• Uyakuthanda futhi ukwazi ukuthi uyakuthanda futhi uyazi ukuthi uyakuthanda
• UTHANDO – uthando olumsulwa nje

Umbuzo:

Uyabona yini ukuthi lezi zici zobudlelwano bomzali nengane zibalulekile kanjani ekwakheni isisekelo saphakade?