Heart4kidsadvocacyforum's Blog

Setting Boundaries to Help Children Feel a Sense of Safety and Freedom at the Same Time.

What we are really trying to do for and with children, is to guide them into an understanding that they must learn to make choices and decisions that will allow them to explore their world and at the same time keep them and others safe and secure. This period in their early life sets them up for the big challenges that will confront them in puberty and young adulthood and then impact all the decisional actions they make throughout their adult lives.  There is so much trial and error involved in this arena of learning. So much of what must transpire between parents and their children is founded on their style(s) of communication with each of their children.  There will inevitably be different styles of communication to meet the unique character of each of your children. There has to be continuity in the boundaries and expected behavior, but how that is interpreted and communicated will vary. In other words-what works with my child X, will not in this instance work with my child Y.  It takes a lot of observation and forethought on designing how you are going to help guide your child into understanding the “No” Why? Because” of in life.

It is not realistic for a child to think that the word “No” does not apply to them under certain circumstances.  The important part of saying “No” to a child is to follow up with the “Why… and “Because…” so that we give them an understanding that there are reasons we make certain decisions.  We want to encourage the curious minds that they were born with.  It is important to never kill that genius or invalidate the things they encounter and try out stemming from their curiosity and sense of exploration.  We are to guide them through this element of their development that will set the stage of how and why they make decisions throughout their life. We want them to be free within the boundaries that nature sets for them.

I believe in telling children about consequences and allowing the time and space to explore how consequences can affect their well being, and the well being of others.  Learning that our actions and decisions can have an impact on not just “ me, myself and I”.  This also sets the stage for exploring how we are inner connected to one another.  They begin to become part of humanity.  They don’t understand what it means but there is a feeling that begins to grow and we must feed it with experiences where we call it to their attention.  

We want to guide them to the understanding that there is responsibility connected to freedom of expression. It is a long journey into this perspective on life, but what it affords not just the individual but our humanity as a whole is priceless! It is what sustains, enriches, and fortifies our highest selves.