Heart4kidsadvocacyforum's Blog

I have in my life experienced and witnessed the interactions and engagements of family members from all walks of life.  I have written an Early Childhood thesis for my master’s degree on children.  I have published a book on parenting. I have written lectures for teachers in training.  I am an advocate for children and families which is why family relations are so near and dear to my heart.  I love my family so much and we as a family realize that it takes a lot of work, patience, compromising, cooperation, unconditional love, grace, forgiveness, acceptance of who people are in their life expression, and an understanding that no matter how complicated any of our relationships can get, ultimately we are “FAMILY” and we have a bond that ties us to each other in an eternal dimension that nothing and no one can permeate and destroy.  There has to be honesty and accountability for the wellbeing of our family relationships.  There has to be open communication so that family members are not second guessing what someone in the family is thinking and feeling. Although we have a spiritual connection that operates on a vibrational wavelength, we still have to speak our truth and feelings honestly and openly.  The family in return has to be active and attentive listeners.  We cannot listen with already knowing perceptions and judgment of what is being felt or the experience that the family member is absorbed in.

We as family have to show appreciation and gratitude for the expressions of love and the support we give each other.  Yes, it is a given, that the very nature and design of a family unit involves being there for each other.  We were ordained when we signed up to be part of a particular family to commit fully to the tenants of familyhood.  It does not require us to lose ourselves, but by fully engaging in our family structures, we grow spiritually into who we were designed to be.  I know this is a difficult concept in many cultures, but it is not foreign in our indigenous family structures.  I dare say it is common for grandparents to be intricately involved in the raising of the children and supporting the integrity of the family.  There is a great appreciation for the wisdom and contributions of the elders.  The older the elder the more gratitude, respect and honoring is expected.  Parents are shown appreciation for not just the act of bringing a child into the world, but for all the guidance and nurturing they do in raising their children.  Parenting is a lifetime commitment and is not just tied to this physical realm.

This is a big challenge for children coming from indigenous cultures because it is a drastic contradiction of what the mainline culture holds as valuable or correct.  They believe in the “individual” exclusive of the “us or we” texture of the family structure of indigenous cultural values and construct.  This ability of “our children of color” to survive within the context, practices, and values of their birth family, is difficult and can create a “break in belonging”! 

When they step into the world as we want them to, but then fall into the trap of becoming “of the world”, they lose sight of their authentic selves and compromise the values and relationships of their “core” being which is connected to “their family”.  This does not mean that as young adults creating their own family life outside of the “core”, that they are limited to their original family values, but there are some basic values that we pray they hold on to- “Honor they mother and father all the days of their life”!  In our family structure we believe in accepting, including, and opening a space to include our children’s spouse and children into the fold.  There is always more “love” to share!  The family village expands and is enriched by the blessings of inclusion.  Now I know there are families where it might be felt that a parent is not deserving of the child’s respect, but it would have to be a huge traumatic experience that would warrant estranging themselves from the “Core”! 

I remember when my sister worked of Dept. of Social Services and at times would have to remove a child from their home.  It would amaze her that even under the worse circumstances, most children did not want to be separated from their parents.  So, for those of us that have been blessed to be born and raised in a loving-no family is perfect- family with loving and devoted parents, to express ingratitude, disrespect, and dishonoring, is one of the most painful experiences a parent can have!  It is like living in a “perpetual death void”!

 I pray for those families that have and are currently experiencing this and can only say- “Hold fast to your faith” that “this too shall pass” and that ultimately “Great Spirit” is in control and there is always a reason and a season for the challenge.  One piece of advice to you if this speaks to you-

1. Hold a sacred space for them to return to the fold -family.
2. Relinquish the need for judgment and consequences for the lost child’s “out of body and out of spirit” condition.
3. Release and let go of any anger or pain because neither of these conditions leave space for healing.  Anger and pain are self-destructive, and you don’t want to hold pain. 
4. Remember that through this experience you are loved and are love and that is what sustains your joy and peace.
5. Hold on to the people in your family that show you the love and respect you deserve because it is important for you to live in the “present” so that you are one with the “Presence” for this is where the healing begins and ends!

I pray this Note resonates with those of you that were in need of support and ushers in a sense of “Peace”!